Hey guys! Trying to discern God’s will for me in my life.
I’m a freshman in college, and have been going through a lot lately. I just got out of a relationship that was dead for a long time, but we both were trying so hard to make it work. This left me spiritually exhausted, because in a sense I ended up making her my idol. After the relationship ended, I fell into sexual sin (eg porn and masturbation), cause I felt that was the only thing that I could control in my life. Eventually, I hit a spiritual low, until one day I heard Carolina Liar’s song “Show me what I’m Looking For”. It hit me because the song seems to be about a man begging to God to show him his purpose. I’m not exactly sure if that song is about God, but I was blown away by it. That night, as I listened to it in bed, I turned it into an prayer.
The next day, it hit me. I began to feel as if I don’t belong at a public college, and that I ought to consider Catholic colleges. I don’t know if that was God speaking to me, but I pretty much woke up the next day with the realization that I don’t feel at home at this college. I want to be more spiritually challenged by the faculty. My current college has FOCUS, and it’s pretty good, but having more spiritual opportunities on campus would be great. Having things like perpetual adoration a few steps out of my dorm would be so amazing.
I am also discerning whether I should enter the religious life or married life. I feel on a Catholic campus would give me a better opportunity to discern. Having a sacramental life around me would give me lots of opportunities to really dive into my faith. Having a lot more members of the opposite sex with the same core values would be great in my dating life, and having religious priests, brothers, and sisters would be a blessing in considering the religious life.
Finally, and by far the main reason I want to go, is I want to major in theology no matter what. Or, if I don’t, I want to get my masters in it some day.
So, a few things. Pray that I be able to discern where I should go. Catholic college is sooo expensive. I really want to go, but it just might be financially wiser to wait to get a masters in theology someday. My parents aren’t too keen on the idea, as we are just an average family, and not the wealthiest people on the block. They don’t like the idea of being even more in debt, but they said that they’d find a way to get me there if that is truly my passion. It is, but, at the same time, I don’t want to put both myself and my parents into more stress trying to pay off future loans either.
I feel the Lord might be calling me to a Catholic education, but I am not sure. Just pray I can discern clearly:D thanks!
Oh, and one more side question, why are private colleges so expensive compared to public ones?