Anger/hatred towards God. (long question, sorry!)

Are angry/hateful thoughts against Jesus always a sin?

This is something I struggle with greatly because of OCD. Let me explain:

my OCD makes it difficult to trust God. When I read my Bible, I am often in an anxious state of mind, and this anxious state of mind does not trust anyone, especially not God. It wants to trust Him, but feels it cannot lets it’s guard down, or else God will kill me or throw me into hell when I’m not ready. I know it sounds crazy, but that’s the truth. It’s like I’m totally irrational, and near inconsolable.

Sometimes I have irrational doubts about Jesus, too. Doubts that say, “what if Jesus is really of the devil/evil?? What if He’s trying to trick us all into believing in Him??” In a healthier mindset, like right now, I can completely disregard these thoughts as crazy, but in the moment they seem very real.

So, back to my original question: When I’m in this anxious mindset, this very fear-driven mindset, I sometimes get angry at God/Jesus. I get frustrated, and I think things I don’t really mean in the heat of my anger/fear. Sometimes, the things I say in my head are very rude, like accusing Jesus of not caring, or saying that I wish He hadn’t risen at all, or that (in my worst state of mind) I would kill Him if I saw Him, so He couldn’t kill me first. It’s all in a very damaged/fearful state of mind, and I don’t plan on thinking these things, nor do I mean them. I logically know I would never, ever kill anyone, ever, especially not my God who wants nothing more than to help me. But these thoughts pop out, and they cause me to feel very horrible, sometimes even like I’m about to die under the weight of how horrible they are. I don’t know why I think them, they just kind of…happen. And then I wish I could take them back, because I don’t mean them, at all!!

So, my question: would these thoughts be considered sinful, considering all of the above factors?

I would say yes. Those thoughts are sinful and you should do your best to avoid them.

God calls us to love Him will all our heart, strength, and mind.

However He does understand you. He knows every hair on your head. He will forgive you.

Develop a devotion to Divine Mercy. Pray the Divine Mercy chaplet whenever you have these feelings.

Get a copy of the Divine Mercy picture and try to look at it daily. The red and white rays from his heart represent the blood and water which gushed forth as a fount of mercy for us. And of course at the bottom of the picture is “Jesus, I Trust in You”.

Peace,
John Marie Philomena

Here’s a group devoted to Divine Mercy on this forum:

forums.catholic.com/group.php?groupid=44

If it’s your mental illness, I don’t think that is sinful.

But are you getting help for this? You can get more control of your thoughts, you know. They don’t have to run/ruin your life.

Thank you for this advice. I had not thought to pray that before, but I will be sure to use it against those thoughts in the future!

Right, I thought about it after my first post. It may not be sinful, due to your illness. It’s not for me to judge. But I still think the Divine Mercy devotion is a good idea.

I am getting help for it, yes. I am planning on getting medication sometime next week or the week after that, and I am also scheduling the next appointment with my therapist.

I also went to church today and took communion. I wasn’t sure if that was a good idea or not. I only had one instance of this anger at God today, and I wasn’t sure if that counted as mortal or not; I was able to keep myself from having any bad thoughts, but the feeling was still there. I figured it was okay, because it didn’t last long and I was able to stop any actual thoughts.

Not sinful due to mental illness. As a fellow OCD sufferer I heartily concur with the recommendations to take up the divine mercy chaplet. I know your pain and more importantly Jesus knows your pain and will never leave you on your own in this struggle. Peace

It’s great that you’re getting medication and therapy. In addition, you really need the help of a good confessor, one you go to exclusively, who knows your story and your struggles.

We are not responsible for thoughts that pop into our head uninvited. If we ENTERTAIN those thoughts then they become sinful.

Continue fighting these thoughts as soon as they occur.

Thank you all for your advice and kindness! I appreciate it very much, and I will continue to fight these thoughts, as well as try the Divine Mercy Chaplet.

God bless you all.

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