Lately (the past month to be exact) I have been angry pretty much all of the time. My husband and I are expecting our 2nd child this Christmas, our 2nd anniversary is this weekend and he starts school full time next week. I have been trying to prepare myself for the huge undertaking I am about to encounter for the next 4 years of keeping up the house and kids on my own - on top of both of us working outside the home full time.
The bliss of newleywededness is beginning to wear off and it’s getting down to the nitty gritty. He has not helped around the house in the last month, sex is one-sided in his favor, and he often sloughs off his responsibilities and obligations to our little family in favor of ‘me’ time - a luxury I have not been afforded in some time.
On several occasions this last month, I have really wanted to send him packing to his folks - if I could run away, I would, but I have no family in town. I especially am not looking forward to going out this weekend for our anniversary - our marriage is not a cause for celebration for me at this time.
Logically, I know that we really just need to work things out and it’s about time we had a good fight . . .we do not really have a good communication system and I realize that we may have a rough time getting to that point and I can accept that, but in the meantime I’m going mad. I have been praying a rosary every morning before I get up, and a divine mercy chaplet on the way to work. I picked up a little prayer from one of the other threads on anger asking ‘God bless them, God change me.’
I know in my head that love and happiness are things we choose, but I was not brought up learning how to do this and I am struggling as an adult to learn this technique to living. I have broken down many times after my anger settles down and I have told him how and why I’m upset. He apologizes, but if he does do anything to alleviate the situation or help out, it is only for a short while and he is back to his selfish, lazy ways (IMO).
I had to have known what I was getting into when we got married, he must have too. He likes to spend hours upon hours on the computer and I am uptight about keeping the house tidy - I am especially anal about this because it is difficult to keep odors and bugs under control in our house. But we are how we are and with him starting to school next week where he will really not be around at all from sun-up to sun-down, I am growing ever more anxious to resolve these issues - just how do we live w/ each other’s ‘quirks’?
I know that I really just need to pray, pray, pray, but sometimes this feels like such a simplistic and cliche answer. I want tangible things I can do - I know I can’t change him, so what do I do in the meantime to deal/cope?
Just need lots of prayers right now.