I’ve been feeling a lot of anger towards God and the morality/belief doctrines of the Catholic church and other Christian churches. Being raised Catholic and being taken to mass weekly and shortly after I started high school, I started to “wake” to existence and modern-day society at large.
All the feelings of fear and anxiety started kicking in too. I still feel the same thing now than I did in school. At that time, I also got into being exposed to doomsday ideas, either threats that are sometimes legitimate like global thermonuclear war or outright ridiculous like the Mayan calender apocalypse. And even Christian groups talk about this stuff, and there’s even a whole other branch of theology dedicated to those ideas.
I also started to have a dim view of the world in general. I am a younger milennial, and have the more overall impression that the world was better and easier when my grandparents or my own parents were growing up and were younger adults. It makes me wish I lived in the past.
Like one part of me is willfully rebelling and committing what is widely considered sin, but another part of me feels a guilt deep down remotely. I retrospectively see subjects in the church and schools about things like “lust” at attractive women as a kind of misandry. Also, the “pre-emptive” tendancy in a lot of churches and denomination teachings, that says that anything (even intended to be good) that’s been “ruined” is inherently sin or God thinks his creation was bad because man messed it up. I can’t convince myself that anyone wanting to look or be “sexy” or “lusting” after women without intent of rape is bad or sinful. I just don’t want to understand why other “good Christians” don’t feel the same way.
I was also inspired by the thread of a user named “nsper7”, I read and feel quite similar to him.