Angry at my father and I'm 37?

But I am generally my father. He condones my sisters behavior of an open marriage saying " we don’t know all te details, it’s none of our business" he stood up for his brother cheating on my aunt with te same attitude. He changes his morals with what ever the liberal society puts in front of him as ok. I am angry also he had a vesectimy and was a drunk when we where little.

I feel after over a thousand years of our family being very involved in our catholic faith him and his brothers are doing thier best to wreck our families relationship with Jesus.

Other than what I said above he is a kind person. But I see him daily and he makes me sick to my stumache. My parents have been married 40 years and they ae having the same problems they had when they where 20 years old. He has agreed to go to the men’s confernce with father Larry Richards

I general I just needed to vent thanks everyone

I’m sorry that you are dealing with this. I think all that you can do is pray for him. I too will pray for both him and for you.

Don’t think you are the lone ranger! I was over 50 years old before I reconciled with my father. Mine was not an alcoholic, and he was a hard working strict Catholic. Unfortunately, everything except himself was judged to an impossibly high standard.
Nothing I ever did was good enough for him. I got an advanced education on my own, and he thought that anyone who didn’t earn his living with his hands was somehow dishonest. As a career Naval Officer, commanding a ship in a very junior rank, he told me sailors were nothing but international hoboes and I should have a job that put me at home every night with my wife and kids instead of galavanting all over the world!
It was only after he was in advanced age, was I able to communicate and reconcile with him.
The only advice I can offer is to keep your distance from him and live your life as you want to. One is obligated to look after their parents in their old age, but no one is obligated to take abuse from them either. Just include him in your daily prayers and ask G*d to help him overcome his shortcomings.

Don’t worry about your age getting in the way of being angry with your father, I’m 43 and I’m still (sometimes) angry at my mother for things in the past. :stuck_out_tongue: But not for what she did, but more like what she didn’t do.

One thing I do try to remind myself is that I do love her, I do show her respect, and I can’t walk in her shoes. I try to live my life differently than how she has lived hers, and hopefully make better decisions. Also, I remind myself that whatever has happened in the past, it doesn’t affect my life and my own journey that I’m on.

Good luck for you and yours. You never know where it may end up, maybe somewhere good :slight_smile:

I, too, am 37, and I was born in Everett. Dad was born in Richland, sister in Yakima. Mom also grew up in Yakima. I live in Dallas now. I suppose none of that pertains to your post, but I thought I would provide a connection of sorts, except that my Rangers own your Mariners! lol

Anyway, on to the heart of the matter. My family struggled for years because of my sister. That said, I love her, though I am not her friend to this day. My father is a really good man, did what he thought was right over the years, etc. He was always there for me. Always. No dereliction of duty towards me. Good husband, etc. Unfortunately, dad gave his role as the father to my mom for many years. Looking back, I wonder whether things would have been different had my dad taken a different role. Part of it is mom’s fault, part is his, part is the example that my grandpa (his dad) set for him, etc.

Family issues are tough. All I know is this. I came home to the Church by profession of faith on February 19, 2012. My parents came home to the Church this past Easter. During the last year, while dad was in RCIA, we had more discussions about Christ than we ever had previously.

I say that to say this. Prayer works, my brother. Prayer. Conversation. Trying to live out our faith. In the ideal world, a father will represent the faith to his son. Some times, though, the son must represent the faith to the father. Maybe that is your calling right now.

I am praying for you. Please feel free to send me a personal email anytime for private discussion.

One last word – your Seahawks got lucky when Romo dropped the ball! :eek:


Live the faith; be His light!

Where he fails, learn how to do it right with joy and live it. Learn to forgive and let this mercy flow through you. Don’t try to “fix” his problems. Give them to God and learn from His mistakes so you don’t suffer the way he is.

Good for you in taking your father to a men’s faith conference! You are on the road to a “cure” right now for your inability to accept the past, refuse to shut the door on it, but realize that God has called each one of us into being and each of us travels through this life with the ultimate goal of returning to God after this short corporal life is over. Parents are people, with a past of their own before we were blessed with our own lives. You are a powerful witness of Christ’s agape love toward your father and you are showing him a better way to live his life for God even now. One thing to remember: Facts and Feelings are two different things. Your feelings do not dictate your actions. Pray for God to remove the stumbling block in your own road to heaven. Continue to show the love of Christ to your father. That is your cross to bear and you are bravely continuing to follow Christ in this matter. I’ll pray for you and for your father.

And why would that be such a surprise. People are people and usually don’t change very much with age. Why would you automatically expect the fact that your mother and father are older than they once were mean that they would have less (or different) problems.

With to regards to your sister, perhaps he feels that, as she is now an adult with free will, there is little he can do to change the situation she has chosen to live in? Perhaps he feels that condemning or castigating her would drive her away from you all, and that still wouldn’t change her situation?

Parents are human and flawed, just as much as their children are, we shouldn’t expect them to be perfect. They have their own baggage, just as we do. They don’t act in the correct way all the time, but then again nether do their children.

Yes you have vented. I assume you do not have children as you are a very harsh judge. I pray that the judgement you receive is more understanding. Parents do the best they can with the resources and skills they possess. After all, children to not come with a guide book or instructions. When you have children, you will find that it is impossible not to make mistakes, even when your actions are guided by love. I say, pray for your father and get to know and love him for who he is rather than for what he is not. God accepts as we are so it is imperative we love and accept others as they are in their present state.

You never really understand how much a parent means to you until they are gone. My world shattered when my father died 9 years ago. As a 49 year old adult, I have not, and will not properly recover from it.

My dad died in 2001, long before we ever had the chance to talk things out. He was abusive. Big time. Most of it was that I could never be good enough at anything. Actually, this came from both parents, but the worst of the abuse came from my dad. And talk about double standards!! My two brothers could do no wrong while I could do no right. Again, this is something my mom carries onto today. I’ve tried talking to her about it, but she doesn’t hear. Oh, and I’m 50. I am still trying to deal with the past so that I can be more open about living for today. Our days are numbered whether we like it or not. :eek:

I’m sure there are more layers and complexities than your short post can go into. So, I can’t deduce too much.

But speaking in general–in general–it sounds like your father and you have different beliefs and priorities. To some extent at least. And it sounds like your beliefs and priorities contradict your sister’s when it comes to marriage and sex.

Human relations will often have tensions when beliefs and priorities are not shared by all and the competing views contradict one another.

I’ve had to ask myself about this–from personal experiences but also from observations I’ve seen in other peoples lives as well as stories I’ve heard about other people.

What I’ve come to conclude so far is that it is best to just work on your own “backyard” if another is happy and content in their life. If your sister was Muslim, or Mormon, and one of several wives to a man I would feel the same. If your sister was lesbian and dating or legally married to a woman I would feel the same.

That does not mean you are wrong. It does not mean you are right. And it could be each person detailed in your post has varying degrees of truth or rightness.

One of my male relatives has cheated on his wife with the girlfriend of another of our relatives that has mothered his (her boyfriend’s) children. Not the first time. Between the two if God has blessed one it has been the adulterer. You would have to know their two lives to know what I mean.

But I’ve seen this played out time and again in life, throughout the world. The Muslim in the UAE that is professionally and financially well off and very happy in life. The Catholic (you can find them on this website posting) that is depressed in life and may even require medication, or if not require then depend on medication, prescribed by a psychiatrist to find some bit of happiness (my mother is a Mass attending Catholic on anti-depression medication). You have married swingers that are content and happy with their lives and marriage.

Both my younger brothers have shunned Catholicism completely. By far I am the most loyal to Christ and Church of us three. While I wanted my nephews baptized–if for no other reason than it was done to us, and if what is said of Christ and salvation is true, it is something of a metaphysical child abuse not to gift your children with the baptism you received–but my brother has not wanted them baptized (I suppose he regards anything of Christ as ridiculous). But I’m not going to go into all of the ironies as that would be too long. The point I want to make is that if God has handed down blessings then He has saw it fit to hand them down more abundantly to my brother. From the time we were knee high.

If-then statements being logical statements usually.

But I have my blessings and so that is what I chose to focus more on and I try to be grateful for them. I would hazard a guess my two younger brothers try to be grateful for their individual blessings too.

And I’m as vulnerable to envy as anyone else. Ironically my younger brothers are too. Probably more so than me. If they each had 3 expensive cars and 3 great mansions and 20 women each, they would still be driven with envy if I was dirty, broke, homeless, and bought a beat up car with my small wage, if I was happy with that car.

Every human is a child of some parents. So, in that sense we are all children irrespective of whether we are parents or not. As children we have looked to our parents for leadership and wisdom. And fairness. But often, for many, due to human vulnerabilities, limitations, personal biographies, and sin, their parents will not fulfill all those roles for them. And as we age we see the shortcomings of our parents more clearly.

It sounds like you want a Catholic dynasty–a history of glory perhaps–for your family. Nothing wrong in that probably. I can sympathize. I have no dynastic ambitions for my immediate family but if I ever have a family of my own I think that would be a ambition of mine. Perhaps not Catholic per se but in other respects.

Time entrance

Thanks for your long post

My main frustration is my parents basically taught my sister and I to embrace sin all the way from childhood and only put us through the sacraments as a child because our grandparents would be angry at them if they didn’t. From 18-33 I embraced sin first away from Christ and then is a once saved always saved evangelical church. I has been very physically painful finding my mortal sins I thought where ok and eliminating them. My health suffered, weight gain, head aches, body ache I am almost out of the woods. But when I am around my parents I am reminded what they put me through. I also realize if this is what it was like for me if my sister changed it would be really hard for her

And sometimes, it is a huge relief to have a painful and abusive chapter to our lives finally come to an end. Sometimes, its the first real, totally unimpeded deep breath breathed when we hear the person who caused so much harm is finally gone.

There is also the new grief when we realize that after 50+ years of dreaming the impossible dream of being loved and acknowledged by a parent is really, truly not going to happen in this world, this life, here on this good ball of mud. The death of an abusive parent is also the death of a dream, a hope, that this person would suddenly love and care.

But speaking from experience, its mostly a release. Even monsters can die. It is a blessing in a perverted sense.

Like it or not, your sister, brother, and father are all adults capable of making their own choices with their lives. Granted, they’re making the wrong choices, but still, not a whole lot you can do about them.

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