I really need some spiritual guidance and help. I have a lot on my mind. Please if you would be so kind, read until the end. I have major trust issues with God and now I have grown bitterly angry with Him. It is so painful because I don’t want to be this way. I will just give you a synopsis of my problems. I am 27 years old and have never had a boyfriend. Last year this guy that I really really liked showed great interest in me. I prayed and prayed to God that we would get married and be together. Usually when I would pray to God I would receive a peaceful feeling. When I prayed about this man, I got the same feeling. My mother said that she did too. I took the good feeling to mean that God was giving us the go ahead to marry. All of a sudden, I found out that he had gotten another girl pregnant and had to marry her. How did I not realize this? See, I moved away from home for 2 years to work on my Masters degree in another state. But I prayed faithfully to God all during this time and received a peaceful good feeling. When this happened, I was literally devastated. However, I was more confused with God. I don’t understand why He gave me a peaceful and good feeling like my prayers were answered, when He knew that they weren’t. This was about a year ago. Since then, I have had trust issues with Him. I really don’t understand. Could someone help me understand please?
Also, as I said, I went to an out of state school. Before I left I strongly felt that God guided me to this city. I prayed and prayed to get into this Ivy League school and I got in. My future is now considerably brighter. But this is not the problem. When I left home, I grew terribly depressed. I was in intensive psychiatric therapy for 2 years while I was there. However, I stayed on because I felt that it was what God wanted me to do and I wanted to please Him. Then, when I graduated, I could not find a job. I grew angry. I think I felt that since I felt He sent me away from my family and I struggled so mentally and financially, that He would immediately bless me with a job especially since I have a degree in the medical field. This toppled with losing the man that I had fallen in love with. I just grew to be bitter with God. It is tearing me apart. I am to the point that I don’t pray any more. I am not a stupid person, I believe God exists. I just feel like He has turned his back on me. I know when you are angry with God, your growth as a Christian stops. I want a relationship with my Heavenly Father and Jesus again. I just feel like He hates me and I don’t know how to get back into His good graces.
I apologize that this is super long, but I don’t have anyone else to talk to. Please help me understand and give me help.Thank you,
It sounds as if you are angry with God because he has not answered your prayers in the way you wanted and expected him to.
Going by feelings is dangerous, We must trust that God loves us and wants the best for us, but just as parents may need to take small children to the dentist, sometimes God must take us through things that are unpleasant to help us grow.
When I was young I had a great idea of how to communicate with God, I had a decision to make, so I asked God to communicate through the mail. If I got a letter from the town where I lived, the answer would be yes, if I got a letter from out of state, the answer would be no. Very simple way of communicating with God. Now I used to get letters every day, but for the whole next week, I received NOTHING in the mail. Zero letters. And I realized God was telling me, no way, I’m not a magician and will not communicate that way with you, He wants a relationship with us.
I mention this because we really can’t go by feelings when we pray, any more than by “putting out a fleece” which was my communication by mail.
I suspect God is helping you mature. You are lucky to have avoided marriage to this man, because he clearly was not intent on being chaste or interested only in you. You should be grateful to God for this narrow escape.
If you expected a job immediately from God, and you’re angry that you didn’t get one, that is reality. God does not just drop jobs into our laps. If you have a degree in the medical field, you will have opportunities, but you may need to search for them.
You know what the Bible says in Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Believe this. It may not happen the way you think it should, but it will happen. Stop accusing God of lying. Go to confession, begin to praise and thank him for the good things in your life, and you will be happy again. It’s all part of growing in the Lord.
What a wise post!. I prayed with regard to a medical report and was very thankful to Our Lady when I thought I got a good result, only to get the very worst result after I had spent a lot of time in the Hospital chapel giving thanks. I was bitterly disappointed and felt very let down by Our Lady. I am still getting over the guilt of my reaction to the devastating result. I realise now I was wrong to rail against God and His Mother. What He determines we must accept even though we don’t like it. He doesn’t always say yes and emotional responses, as in love, can be faulty. Take the advice of this wise post and stop blaming God for a fallen world. You will get a job, find a better man and live a good life. Don’t expect it to fall into your lap just because you love the Lord. Look at the lives of the Saints! Be thankful for what you have, not want you want. God bless you and the wiser advisor.
Everything Viki63 said…
Of course God knows the future. He even knows where you will spend eternity, even though it’s your free will that determines this.
Perhaps God was pleased that you had spent time with him in prayer.
In prayer, it is better to ask Him to show you how to do His will today and then speak of you needs.
It takes humility not selfishness to get His attention. If you stop your prayer and trust then Satan has just deceived you.
Be faithful. Be constant.
We think the prayer has to produce a product, ‘if I don’t get the consolation, the prayer must not have worked’; ‘if it doesn’t feel fulfilling, I must’ve done something wrong, because if I had it right, it would feel different.’ This is untrue because prayer is not about what we feel. It’s about being present. It’s God being present to us, and us entering into that presence and being present to Him. If my prayer is always fulfilling and consoling, am I really praying because I love God, or because I love the consolation and fulfillment?
And what ultimately happened was your boyfriend’s will not a broken promise from God.
I want a relationship with my Heavenly Father and Jesus again.
This is what matters.
Do what you ‘can’ do.
Keep leaning forward never turning back!
I have learned that sometimes the good feelings we receive after praying don’t necessarily mean that God is blessing and answering our prayers in the exact way we want them to be answered; rather, the good feelings are God telling us that he is with us, assuring us of his constant presence, his love for us, telling us that we are in his hands, that we can perfectly trust him, and that he is leading us in his perfect will towards what is best for us.
Something happened in my life, too, where I was angry with God, and it took me about a year to get over it. I prayed very rarely during this time, and most often my ‘‘prayers’’ were telling God that I wasn’t talking to him right now.
But God did work everything out, and looking back, if I would have done things ‘‘my way’’, the way I thought God was ‘‘leading me’’, the consequences would have been disastrous.
So, my advice would be to tell God that you’re mad at him - he already knows anyhow - and ask him to heal you emotionally and to help you understand. All along, God only has your best in mind, so what you think of as an ‘‘injustice’’, is only his way of protecting you. Wait on Him, he is faithful. It sounds like you have a deep love for him. This love will conquer.
I’ll say some prayers for you.
When I pray for something specific and it doesn’t happen the way I want it to or as quickly as I want it to I become very frustrated. Over the years I have learned how to become more patient and wait on God’s plan to unfold for me but it has not been easy. God does have a plan for each of us but trying to follow that path without knowing where it is going can lead to the feelings you are experiencing, that is where our faith kicks in. One of the ways I have tried to strengthen my own faith is by reading about the lives of the saints and letting their patience and perseverence inspire me to try to be like them. In my case St. Monica has been a saint I regularly go back to her life and pray for her to intercede on my behalf. As a Protestant you may not find that idea helpful but I would urge you to try to read a few stories as they can help you to see someone who has struggled greatly in their life, as your are, and were able to strengthen their faith in God through it all. God bless you with strength and comfort as you move forward.
Thank you for sharing your concerns! This is a difficult time, clearly :console:
I see that you are Protestant, and I wonder if you have spent too much time hearing the “gospel of prosperity” message. This message, the one we hear so often from televangelists, is that being a Christian means we will have the best lives of anyone on earth, that God promises us wealth and health so long as we have faith (usually demonstrated through abundant donations to the ministries of these televangelists). The message here is that any lack in joy in our lives is due to our lack of faith or improper prayers. If, therefore, we feel we have properly prayed and demonstrated our faith, and things still haven’t gone well, then it must be God’s “failure.”
The danger here is obvious. First, it makes God into some divine vending machine in the sky. Put in the correct words and actions, get the product you desire.
Second, it completely denies the words of Christ Himself, who said to His disciples: “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow me” (Mt. 16:24). He also said, “The Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed and be raised up on the third day” (Lk. 9:22). We are NOT promised an easy life because we are Christians. If our Lord and Master accepting suffering and the cross – He who was without sin! – how much more should accept with grace the crosses in our own lives!
Some years back, I suffered a terrible accident with my left hand, leaving it mangled and with a missing finger for the rest of my life. I am a musician – piano/organ, guitar, flute, harp – and this was a crushing blow, to say the least! One day, I was pouring out my heart to one of my parish priests in the confessional, telling him that I was growing bitter from my loss. Rather than offering me compassion, Father basically told me to get over it :eek: God bless that man!!!
This is what he told me: Consider the Christians in Asia and Africa who, this very day, will be tortured or martyred for their faith in Christ! Consider the woman or man whose body is being eaten away by cancers! Consider the mother who has her dying child in her arms! And you’re complaining about one missing finger!
Through God’s grace (and the prompting of the Holy Spirit, no doubt!) that priest reminded me of God’s words to Job: “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell Me, if you have understanding” (Job 38:4). God owes us nothing! Had Christ not come in His mercy and taken OUR judgment upon Himself, we would have no hope of anything except eternal torment! Because of the cross, we have hope for eternity joy in God’s presence. Are we greater than our Master who enduring suffering and death? Are we to seek better than our Savior in this life?
Now, when my heart starts to grow embittered, I pray for those suffering without hope. I pray for those enduring far greater pains than I, many without any faith in God to help them.
You have endured some setbacks in your life recently. And as a woman who suffers from severe anxiety attacks, I truly understand the pain and difficulty of our brains working against us! God’s grace is greater than our sufferings, and He is working in your life!
I cannot promise you that everything WILL work out as you hope and believe you were “promised” through your prayer experiences. But God promises His grace to support you in this life, and an eternity of His love, His hope, His joy in the next!
God bless you, dear one! Be assured of my prayers, and probably the prayers of many others here who read your story. You are dearly loved, and He does indeed have a plan for your life.
I also wanted to share this Psalm which has been such a great comfort to me in times of difficulty:
Psalm 73(72) Quam bonus Israel!
1 How good God is to Israel,
to those who are pure of heart.
2 Yet my feet came close to stumbling,
my steps had almost slipped
3 for I was filled with envy of the proud
when I saw how the wicked prosper.
4 For them there are no pains;
their bodies are sound and sleek.
5 They do not share in men’s sorrows;
they are not stricken like others.
6 So they wear their pride like a necklace,
they clothe themselves with violence.
7 Their hearts overflow with malice,
their minds seethe with plots.
8 They scoff; they speak with malice;
from on high they plan oppression.
9 They have set their mouths in the heavens
and their tongues dictate to the earth.
10 So the people turn to follow them
and drink in all their words.
11 They say: “How can God know?
Does the Most High take any notice?”
12 Look at them, such are the wicked,
but untroubled, they grow in wealth.
13 How useless to keep my heart pure
and wash my hands in innocence,
14 when I was stricken all day long,
suffered punishment day after day.
15 Then I said: “If I should speak like that,
I should betray the race of your sons.”
16 I strove to fathom this problem,
too hard for my mind to understand,
17 until I pierced the mysteries of God
and understood what becomes of the wicked.
18 How slippery the paths on which you set them;
you make them slide to destruction.
19 How suddenly they come to their ruin,
wiped out, destroyed by terrors.
20 Like a dream one wakes from, O Lord,
when you wake you dismiss them as phantoms.
21 And so when my heart grew embittered
and when I was cut to the quick,
22 I was stupid and did not understand,
no better than a beast in your sight.
23 Yet I was always in your presence;
you were holding me by my right hand.
24 You will guide me by your counsel
and so you will lead me to glory.
25 What else have I in heaven but you?
Apart from you I want nothing on earth.
26 My body and my heart faint for joy;
God is my possession for ever.
27 All those who abandon you shall perish;
you will destroy all those who are faithless.
28 To be near God is my happiness.
I have made the Lord God my refuge.
I will tell of your works
at the gates of the city of Zion.
I’m thinking of what our Lady told Bernadette “I cannot promise you happiness in this life, only in the next.”
I pray it all comes together for you.
Amen! About as error-free as using a Magic 8 Ball.