If this isn’t in the right forum, please accept my humble apologies, as I am new and trying not to do anything to annoy anyone. ::
I’m Roman Catholic (Latin Rites, for clarification). I’m a happy Catholic.
Atheism makes no sense in light of the Big Bang, the wonder of nature, mathematics, and scientific discoveries.
Protestantism doesn’t jive with me since they started out as Catholics who were protesting corruption in the church (which is what happens in all large-scale organizations where there’s nobody around to keep three eyes on all the back-woods guys), and to distance themselves from the “corrupt Catholics,” most of them made up doctrines that were totally opposit what was originally taught. Prior to Martin Luther, 99% of all religious people in Europe were Catholic, as that was the Church. People who say otherwise weren’t taught under a bunch of agnostic profs at the Master’s level at their University.
Other religions are based on mythology, not historical, documented fact, and they come right out and admit that. We can pinpoint Jesus Christ at a certian time in a certian place doing certain things, and with notations outside the Bible talking about him.
I have rational faith. That is, I believe that the Catholic Faith is the only rational way to think. I love God, enjoy His world, and think that Heaven will be a blast.
And yet I am constantly plagued with doubts, which drives me crazy, and this is why:
I believe, but some part of me is terrified to think otherwise, that there is no God. It’s like free-falling and being told there’s a net under you going to catch you, and you’ll be fine, but all the while on the way down you’re bracing for impact because some part of you is terrified that the net won’t be there.
If there’s no God, there’s no life after death, there’s no justice in the world, no purpose, no beauty, nothing important, and everything is so much ash.
And I’m angry because no matter how much I belive or how deeply I feel love for Him, I will turn around and have superstitious doubts - I’m scared of aliens from other planets because I read one crack-pot a long time ago saying that a general on his death bed confessed he had contact with aliens that were aware there was no God, and that the only reason nobody revealed it was they didn’t want to throw the world into a panic.
Odd, that he’d be making this confession on his death bed. If there’s no God, why would he? I mean, what’s the point of a confession if it doesn’t mean anything in the ultimate?
See, there’s the logical part of my brain doing battle with the part of me that seizes up in fear.
Sorry, just that I haven’t got many Catholic friends around here - I made most of my friends in high school and they’re die-hard pagans (I love 'em and pray for 'em, but I fear I’m not the proper example to get them to convert), and trying to explain my fears to them doesn’t jive, and I don’t really have that close a relationship with the priest at my church.
How can I believe and doubt so much at the same time? And it’s not even doubt based on, “You know, if there’s no afterlife, that means there’s no hell, so I can get away with whatever I want in this life!” It’s, “God, I hope you’re there, I hope there’s a hell, and I hope that there’s justice in the world.”
Because everything is wonderful as long as He’s there, and it’s not if He’s not.
One last thing and then I’ll shut up. Am I the only person who thinks that hell is ultimately better than anilhation? (I know I didn’t spell it right but it’s 1:11 am, I’m tired, and my spelling dictionary is not in easy reach.)