I am looking for some outside perspectives on this situation.
Heres some background. I am married, with three young children (oldest just turned 8), homeschool the older two, and am 7 months pregnant.
I have this person whom I have known for a few years, and I am having a really hard time with her. She is very extroverted and I am not, and she stops by for “social” visits two or three times a week, usually without calling. She brings her children with her, and they are undisciplined and unruly. They have torn closet doors right off the hinges, jumped all over my furniture, broke a statue of my sons, and even if they did not break anything … they make such a mess that it sets me back DAYS in my duties.
When she comes she stays for as long as five hours at a time!! She takes no hints or even straightforward … “well I need to do school with my kids now”. She used to call all the time, then I stopped answering my phone and thats when she started stopping by unannounced. I have asked her to give me space, even asking her not to stop by or call for a week … She called everyday at least twice and as many as four times EVERY day that week. It was like I asked for space and it made her MORE suffocating. When I said something about it, she just laughed and says that her codependancy is being addressed in therapy, but does nothing to change her behaviour.
I have VERY limited time for friends and the friends that I do want to hang out with … I can’t … because she has STOLEN from me, not only the little free time I have, but also ALOT of the time that should be going towards my duties.
If I tell her I have to work, she just starts cleaning my house or something, but I need her to LEAVE. I CANNOT adequately fulfill my responsibilities while she is here for sp long, especially when she has all her children there. She takes my attention and the great number of children are either unsupervised or she sits on my stool with a cup of coffee, while I run around like a maniac trying to protect my house , the work I have accomplished and minimize the damage. She came yesterday at 10:00, I had two other little boys here on top of my own children and she brought her two youngest with her. I let her know it wasn’t a good time, but she blew me off and said she would “help” me. Well, her daughter ate at least two days worth of snacks I had bought for my family, while her 18 mo. old walked around smushing grapes into my carpets and stairs. I kept putting him back at the table with the bowl and when I was busy with another child he would sneak way again. Her daughter emptied out the contents of my closet onto the hallway, and when I was taking care of that the boy, was taking ALL the pieces of ALL the puzzles out and mixing them all up. I was so busy watching HER KIDS, that my kids plus the extra two DESTROYED my kids rooms, and by the time she left a THREE O CLOCK!! I was exhausted. As my husband walked in the door, I told him to wake me in a half an hour so I could make dinner. He tried to wake me … I COULD NOT GET UP … I was just sooooo tired. They ordered pizza with money we don’t have to spare, and I missed out on the opportunity to spend with my husband and family together (which is my absolute fave part of the day) because I was exhausted and SO CRANKY. I treated my husband badly and spoke sharply to my kids.
I am REALLY starting to resent this girl, who has no respect for the boundaries I set, and completely DRAINS me and FORCES me to neglect my family duties and other friends, that ARE my friends and that I WANT to be with. My family suffers, and after months of trying to get some semblance of normalcy in this situation with no results … I am REALLY beginning to DISLIKE THIS GIRL!! I have dropped hints, and I have been forthright and direct with her. I don’t know what else to do, and I am also resenting her because I feel like she is FORCING me to be RUDE (cause I don’t know any other way to get ther to give me space.)
I spent the first couple years offering up my suffering and attempting to be hospitable … but my vocation is not to her … it is to my family and she is hindering me!! If you have read this far and have any advice, I would really appreciate it.