[quote="sydney28, post:1, topic:195074"]
I am going through a divorce and intend to start the annulment process in a few months. However, in gathering information about the process I have found that my former spouse will be allowed to read all of the testimonies from me and my witnesses.
I have already begun the lengthy questionnaire and marital history and there are many things that I have written that would absolutely devastate my ex if he read them. Knowing that he would be privy to everything I write (including frequent thoughts I had about wishing he would die so I could be free from the misery that was our marriage...) makes me want to severely edit my testimony to keep from hurting him. BUT that would not be a true account of the feelings and situations that were part of our marriage history. Also, knowing that he would read the testimonies from my parents (two of my witnesses) would no doubt make him feel as though he had always been viewed as not good enough for me and would definitely compound the feelings of depression and worthlessness that this divorce has already caused in him.
So my question: what good can possibly come from the Tribunal sharing your entire testimony with your ex? How can it be charitable to hand someone a 20 page document that basically outlines every single thing that was wrong with your marriage?
If I truly do have to allow him to see mine and my witnesses' testimonies then I am not sure that I can go through with this process - even if it means I could never remarry. I refuse to pour salt into his wounds by letting him read that I never loved him, only married him out of fear of calling the wedding off, wished he would die so I could be free from our marriage, etc. He maintains that he does not want a divorce, so these feelings that I have always had are definitely not mutual.
+Then why the rush to get a quick Catholic annulment in just a few short months Sydney . . . ? . . . you share you are in the middle of the painful process of acquiring a civil divorce . . . this is a traumatic time for everyone involved . . . the divorcing couple and their extended family members . . . why not let some healing time transpire and embrace healing peace and quiet for a time in the *Lord *. . . before jumping into what could be another painful adversarial experience . . .
In gentler and kinder years past . . . holding marriage and the family in the highest esteem . . . in the case of civil divorces *. . . a civil divorce could only be acquired in two stages in many states here in the United States . . . first came the filing of an *"Interlocutory Decree of Divorce"** . . . and following this first legal court action . . . the divorce judgment was not final until the expiration of a statutory waiting period . . . often the period of one year *. . . which is known as the interlocutory or nisi period . . . which period began when the Interlocutory Judgment was granted and signed by the judge . . . and only upon the action of filing of the *"Final Decree of Divorce" *one year later . . . *which was the second and final stage in obtaining a civil divorce *. . . could a final judgement be granted at the discretion of the judge of the court if in his wisdom he felt that there was no possibility of reconciliation . . . and only at that time was the couple actually legally divorced. Such a "cooling off" or "waiting period" was quite often proven to be very beneficial . . . *though not always . . . but occassionally . . . and many marriages were saved over the years because of this wise precautionary approach to civil divorce . . .
Perhaps . . . if you let the river of time flow on for a while . . . you might gain some distance and a better perspective . . . and gain some clarity as to God's timing and His will for the next phase of your life . . . grave decisions . . . so serious and important . . . and such life altering decisions and actions . . . should never be made in haste . . . as your own sharing of hasty action re your entering into marriage has revealed . . . as such haste can oft times bring about most unfortunate and tragic consequences for all involved . . . and a few "months" seems like an almost . . . impossibly short time . . . for such a profoundly important activity such as seeking an annulment of a marriage in the heart :heart: of Holy Mother Church . . .
Re the charitable desire not to harm another through words in so far as possible while responsibly standing and living for and in wholesome truth . . . I love the portion of Sacred :bible1: Scripture below . . . may it bless your heart and be your guide from . . . **God's Holy Thoughts** this day . . . and in all the days yet ahead . . .
"Let the words of my mouth,
and the meditation of my heart,
be acceptable in **thy** sight,
O Lord, **
my strength, and my redeemer."
May **God *guide and bless you . . . and may you seek and find only . . . **His Holy Pathway* . . .in which to walk all the rest of the days of your life . . .
Peace . . . *
[RIGHT]. .. all for *Jesus*+
*. . . thank You Blessed Virgin Mary+