If my wife divorces me should I apply for an annulment of just live single?

Also, if I date is fornication a mortal or venial sin?

Is co-habitation a sin?


If you are divorced and there is no hope for a reconciliation, then it is up to you if you want to file for an annulment. However, I would suggest consulting your priest first. It is a long process and it is a complete process. You need to make that decision. If you want to remarry in the future in the Catholic Church, you must have an annulment or your next marriage will not be valid. You will still be viewed as married to your first wife and living in sin with the second.

Is sex before marraige a sin? Yes. Teaching of the church that it is a mortal sin. Do you think that would change because you are divorced?

Everyday of the week! Even on the weekends.



Get some counselling now, both marriage and pastoral, before the worst happens. If despite your best efforts she does initiate the divorce, and you have a strong conviction your marriage was invalid from day one (not because of anything that happened afterward), do ask your priest about annulment, especially if you anticipate someday wanting to marry again. You will not be allowed to initiate a petition for annulment until at least a year after the divorce becomes final, but the sooner you do, while paperwork and witnesses are still more readily available, the better.

Fornication is always a mortal sin, if by that you mean sexual activity between unmarried persons. Unless and until your marriage is declared null, you are married in the eyes of the Church, and sexual activity with anyone else would objectively be the mortal sin of adultery. Cohabiting is a sin, a mortal sin called fornication, if you mean what society generally means by that word. MOrality is established by God, not by personal opinion or majority vote. Whether or not one believes it is sinful is beside the point, the damage is done because sin always damages the individual, the victims, and society. Always. without exception.


But I’ve been living abandoned for a year and a half and alone at the war the year before that. No contact from my spouse except through the courts. The divorce finally comes before the judge for finality Jun 8th. Ive given up the house and any chance of reconcilliation. We have had problems through the whole marriage. Two seperations and councelors. She is a convert but betrayed and abandoned me before. I suppose I was divorced years ago but kept trying. The legality of the thing is only a technicality. If God has brought someone else into my life before that technicality is up then should I not accept that gift?

I have a spiritual advisor. I know about annulment. I was unaware there was any time limit to file for one though.

I have been married and annuled before twice. Neither of the first two spouses were baptized and it was a simple declaration of lack of canonical form. I was also out of the church then.

This time I did things in line with the church and it has failed again.

There were unresolved issues as you can immagine that I wont go into. Needless to say I have a case for annulment on grounds of mental illness and abandonment.

What I want to know is just because I can apply for one and God has shown me hope of a new life with someone should I?

Scripture says if the unbeliever departs then you must let them go.

We attended daily Mass and even read the brievery together for a year before we got married. Is the fact that she departs from God without me and pursues this divorce make her an unbeliever? Am I then free?


for a specific marriage question only your pastor can advise you on how to proceed, and only the canon law tribunal can advise you on grounds for annulment and the procedures. I will tell you however, that if you were granted an annulment in the past (declaration of invalidity due to lack of form is not an annulment) you will be counselled, should you ever wish to remarry, on the specific grounds and circumstances of that annulment, to make sure the conditions have been resolved or no longer pertain.

It is useless on this forum to discuss individual cases. There is no way to know all the facts, which is why there is an investigation. You are quite likely right that wife’s actions after the marriage could very well indicate her state of mind and intent at the time of mariage, but by themselves they are not grounds for annulment. Your time would be better spent in discussion with your pastor on this topic.


I would talk to your priest about when you can file the paperwork for an annulment. In my diocese, you can do it as soon as you have a copy of the final divorce papers signed by a judge.

As far as starting a new relationship now, no you can’t do that. I’ve just had a discussion about this with my priest, and really it is too easy to get carried away and now is not the right time to develop a relationship that you hope will have a future. Now is the time to work on yourself and with your relationship with God, and a big part of that relationship has to do with being obedient to his command’s and to the teachings of his Church. Especially if this is a woman that you think you could have a future with, you need to back away from a relationhip until you are free to pursue one, otherwise you will be building on a weak foundation.

You have been married three times, and yet it seems like you have much to learn about your faith. I think that the most practical thing to do at this point would be to avoid near occasions of sin, and spend some time learning about marriage and what it takes to be a good husband and spiritual leader of a family. It is also a good time to temper your passions with some discipline.


I know what he says. I speak with him monthly at least. I know what my heart says and I know what God says. I wanted opinions from here.



I do understand, being in the same position myself. You wait because that is the best thing that you can do. It is also the only way that you can be sure that you are acting in accordance with God’s will.


I feel I have no choice but to wait. I am learning great restraint that I never had before. Its unfortunate to be maturing at my age.

Thanks for the understanding.


If I were you I’d get the annulment where you find someone else or not. It’s about keeping your life in order. Why remain married on any level to someone who has been so toxic to you?

No you are not free just because of her actions. There are things that must be taken care of with the church. Remember that marriage is not only supposed to be a spiritual bond… it is also a legal bond.
You will need to ask your priest the above questions. I know that when my husband’s ex-wife abandoned him and their 3 children for a life of running around, drinking and sex it was his priest who approached him. The Priest told him that under the circumstances that the Priest would help him with an annulment.
Do it as soon as you can and move on with life.
As for the sex outside of marriage bit, living together or not… it’s a mortal sin. I know many Catholics who did engage in it before marriage. Then they confessed and all right before the marriage. Planning to sin and then taking advantage of the ‘forgiveness’ is very disingenuous.
Were you active sexually before marriage with the wife who is divorcing you now? If you were, then maybe things were not really done according to the Church after all.
It’s not easy to be Catholic…. Don’t know what else to tell you.


Thats alot. Thanks. Its good to hear confirmation of some of the things I have descerned this past year or two.

About being free, I know that I am not. I do however know that God has put someone else in my path. That I have to be patient. Its also a grace to have that hope for the future. I should mention that it didn’t come until I was resolved to live single and I have no intentions of becoming sexually active outside of marriage.

With the wife who is divorcing me that did happen a few times during our long engagement. Out of weakness and lack of dicipline. I knew it then and we repented of it. My contrition was sincere. I can’t speak for her anymore. If hers wasn’t then maybe that was part of the problem.

As you can probably tell from my posts in this thread the thorn in my side has been the war of the flesh. The road back from that stuggle isn’t an easy one. There has been so much pain and loss.


why would opinions from CAF be of use to you? nothing said here will have any affect on your annulment.


How does the wife leaving you make her an unbeliever? The two do not go hand in hand. If she leaves you or divorces you then you must realize that the marriage did exist. If you are to receive an annulment, the Magesterium is stating that the sacrament was not valid. That is for them to decide.

The Catechism states:

Fornication is carnal union between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman. It is gravely contrary to the dignity of persons and of human sexuality which is naturally ordered to the good of spouses and the generation and education of children. Moreover, it is a grave scandal when there is corruption of the young.

It also states in the Bible that no fornicator (excuse me that I do not have the direct verse in front of me) will enter into heaven.

If you cannot “fight the flesh” then you need to pray to St. Joseph for the strength to do so. It is not up to us to deciee whether this is right or not, God did not ask us our opinion. He stated that it was wrong and the Church has echoed that in her teachings.

This is a question that you must explore for yourself. You stated that you have been married and divorced/annuled twice already. There may be a reoccuring theme here. I am not saying that you are or are not mature enough for marriage. I think that you may want to reevaluate your view on marriage, especially seeing as how you seem to think that sex before marriage is okay as is living together.

Living together is a near occasion of sin. I know that you may disagree, but again God did not ask you and He did not ask me. We are not allowed to make up the rules as we go along. We are not allowed to change what has been taught just to meet our current situation.

We all have to make sacrifices in this life. Living the life of a Catholic is not “easy” based upon what the view of society is in this day and age. But again, that is one of the strongest things about the Catholic church…she does not change, she is consistent, she is unfailing, she stands strong.

I am sorry that we do not see eye to eye on these issues, but Catholicism is not the religion that we can pick and choose what we like based upon our lifestyle.


Thats up to the Holy Spirit. I don’t pretend to predict or even claim that I can understand how God works. I just know and trust that he does and that he uses us how he will. I have already gotten comforting and helpful opinions. The final decisions are ultimately mine but we are one body in christ and I value everyones opinion as much as their prayers.

True nothing said here changes the tribunal but it makes me feel better and who knows, maybe someone else will find something useful from the whitness.


Believe me that is not what I am trying to do and I think we DO see eye to eye. I know this is unorthodox to your thinking but a chaste co-habitation could be doable within the confines of the church. Though of course I wouldn’t recommend it either. My experiences have shown me that marriage and divorce is much more than the legal technicalities. There are still unanswered questions but I AM seeking Gods will.


I dont think you need opinions from me, but I am happy to pray for you and your situation.

God bless you for trying to sort it out and talk it out so you can think very hard about all this.

Remember, things that we value take time to cultivate.

I recall a person complaining how long it was taking them to get through RCIA.

Think about how you would answer that person, and you may know where I am coming from on this now.

Slow down.

In the meantime, you are in my prayers.


Sound advice.

Thanks for the prayers.


Please pursue the annulment after the civil divorce is finalized. It is a healing process as well as a closure. Then, you will be in a single state if and when you decide to get serious with someone.

My BF is working on his annulment from his divorce 8 years ago. He didn’t plan on getting serious with anyone, but you never know what life will bring you.

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