"Annulments, just a Catholic thing?"


#1

I was born and raised Catholic, single, age 35, never been married, no kids.

I attend singles functions, I live in the south, and attend singles functions, most (might as well be ALL) of which are protestant non-denomionationl OR even “former-Catholics”.

I attend this 20-to 35 Christian Singles Group that goes out and does fun stuff together.

Got to talking to this nice girl, she is divorced, not annulled of course, she’s currently a practicing non-denonimnational Protestant.

I did a little digging from her, and found out she was Catholic.

Personally, I don’t let NON-annulled women stop me from dating them, that’s just me. As long as they are divorced, that’s all that matters.

But the thing is, protestants and alot of your non-denominationals have NO quams dating, re-marrying, without any kind of official permission from the Catholic church saying, “Hey, you’re allowed to date others now.”

I even knew a well known church going woman at my parrish, was active in the parrish, met a man, he was a Christian, but Penecostal. She wanted to get married to him…long story short…she found out a few stipulations from the church that she had to follow, and refused to follow them.

They leave their parrish and the Catholic faith, and attend the husbands church, arranges a marriage by the pastor of that church with no issues or stipulations to follow, and married them…and are now living happily ever after.

I am wondering how many single people out there LEAVE the Catholic faith, because “Well, I’m divorced, that’s enough…and (pardon me if this sounds blasphemous)…annulments are just a ‘Catholic thing’”

Basically, any thing exclusive to only one religion, can’t be taken to heart or even legit. This is the current mentality, and yes, there are things that the Catholic church stipulates that others do not.

Like the whole “okay, we’ve had 4 kids, let’s stop at number 4, and start taking the pill or using some kind of BC.”

I would imagine Catholic families have said “You’ve gotta be kidding me, I have to continue to have children, or be open to having more children” (There’s this issue of 'breeding yourself into poverty" as well, but that’s another post, lol)

Then, they find out their non-denominational neighbors can do this and do that, without any fear of any kind of “damnation” of ones soul. Because, if you start seeing other people when you’re not annulled, it’s okay…why? Because your non-denoninational…yay!!"

I"ve met FORMER Catholics at singles groups that said, " Yeah, I joined this church, because I did not go for the whole “Birth Control” thing.

The woman that heads off our Singles Group, apparently is Catholic attends Catholic church, BUT does attend other non-Catholic venues as well, because her current Catholic venue does not please her. Alot of families, and no one single or socialable. So I’m witnessed to a Catholic that is going a bit “astray”.

It’s a bit of a quandry I tell you.

“Hey, by the way, you can’t date her, she’s not annulled”

“But, she’s a Baptist, does that count?”

“Hmmm…good question!”


#2

Opinions vary and some sincere Christians do believe that divorce is a necessary evil.

The Catholic Chuch doesn’t. It also forbids contraception, though that rule is not as important, and, as you say, is widely disregarded by otherwise observant Catholics. Contraception after children have been born is a very different thing from a relationship which is contraceptive from the outset, both in social impact and in the couple’s attitude to life, although both are currently forbidden.

If you cannot agree with the Church’s teaching on contraception you can fudge, because it is a private matter. For second marriages you really must leave, if you think the Catholic position is wrong. However I don’t think that is the case. It is harder to find attractive single women than divorcees, but it is not impossible, and ,long term they are much better bet.


#3

Is second marriages wrongful in general? If I had a dime for every 25+ (yes, they get that young) and older woman that has been divorced already, I’d be a rich man.

I met 2 rather recently divorced women from Christian marriages just yesterday. I keep thinkin’ “Huh?”

One was a woman I had an interest in when I was younger, hadn’t seen her in a while, then about 7 years later, she’s divorced…but she comes from a non-denom church anyways.

There’s more divorced people in the churches than I can shake a stick at. go figure you’d figure that Christian marriages would last longer than secular marraiges.

But the stats are the same “1 out of 2” that wind up in divorce.

The madness!


#4

Yes, there are things the Catholic Church stipulates that others do not. Some Protestant denominations apparently have forgotten their own history, that they too, less than 100 years ago, also preached the biblical injunctions against divorce and birth control, but apparently, since I am not privy to the denominational decision making, decided that going with the popular culture was a better choice than sticking with the bible.

Jesus said divorce is not possible, unless for reasons of the law, the marriages is invalid from its inception. That is the discipline the Catholic Church adheres to. The Catholic Church does NOT offer annulments. There is no such thing. What the Catholic Church does guarantee under canon law is that either party to a marriage who is convinced their marriage is invalid because the law has been breached, can petition for an investigation by the canon law tribunal to determine the facts. If that judgement of the facts and law of the case so finds, a decree of nullity will be issued.


#5

My daughter who is 26 and never been married, is seeing a Catholic divorced 30 yr. old man with an 8 yr. old son. He’s been divorced for 2 yrs - was married for 7 and his marriage was not annulled. I have told my daughter that she is dating a married man in the eyes of the Catholic Church which is a sin. I don’t want to push too hard because she may leave the church and possibly not have much to do with our family. She still goes to Mass on Sunday and practices her Faith - she just feels he’s a good man and doesn’t see anything wrong with her dating him. Please pray for us that God steers her in the correct direction on this.


#6

Well, it’s pretty typical of Catholics to do this, some don’t even know the “technicalities” of it either.

I even had Catholics tell me, “Eh, that’s those old school rules that Catholics used to follow, they don’t apply now”

They take it pretty lightly

Anyhow, did he ever actually file for annulment, I’d probably opt to have them do that and if the Catholic church doesn’t go through with the annulment, chances are, the people getting married, or planning to will say, “Eh, forget it, we’re getting married anyways.”

But, hey at least they tried, right?

I am Catholic, I’m single, and I’m running into alot of Divorcee’s, even in my own church (actually saw a female member of my parrish on Match.com), is her marriage annulled, I don’t know.

I bet when boy meets girl, and boy asks girl out, the furthest thing from their mind is “So, is your marriage annulled?”

I live in an area where it’s like 95% Protestant anyways, and chances are, I will wind up marrying a Protestant due to geography. Most of the people in my Catholic church are married as far as I know, and I already tried asking that one woman out, but she wasn’t interested. …thought I was too young, you know, typical excuse that even secular women make when they aren’t into you. lol.

As far as some of these couples are concerned, they feel convinced they aren’t living in sin, because “Hey, their Baptists neighbors did it, so why can’t they, right?”


#7

He never tried getting it annulled. His side of the story is that his ex-wife was cheating on him and that is why he asked for the divorce. I mentioned to my daughter that he should take this up with his Priest and see if his marriage can’t be annullled. She said he really doesn’t go to church and he doesn’t see a need for the annullment. They have only been dating a month but I hate to have things get serious where they would start thinking of marriage.

In your situation, you may find someone that is Protestant but that person may want to turn Catholic after dating & eventually marrying you.


#8

Your daughter should probably spend some time asking herself why she is interested in starting a relationship with someone who doesn’t go to church. She probably also should realize that if he doesn’t think an annulment is necessary, he probably also doesn’t have a clue about what marriage really is and probably doesn’t recognize the authority of the Church. I wonder if she has given any thought about what kind of a husband and spiritual leader of the family someone with those views might make.


#9

I totally agree. I think that if she were to ask him to get an annullment and he does, that, in itself, would be considered a very important sign that he really cares for your daughter.


#10

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