Another baby!!!

#21

And it sounds like he isn’t even “her” problem either - if he’s cheating on her with other girls. And I’m with you, it serves her right - what comes around, goes around. She knew he was a cheating dog when she hooked up with him - now it’s her turn.

I can totally understand why you would be upset / mad. But try to let it go - he isn’t worth it. You’ve already gotten the best he had to offer. (both of your dear children).

0 Likes

#22

Cecilia, thanks so much for taking the time to post that. I’ll check out the book.

On a side note, I completely identify regarding the smells of springtime. It has been 9 years since one of these events, and the scent of certain flowers still conjures up certain feelings.

Thanks for the prayers, also.

Prayed for you today at mass, Lexee!

0 Likes

#23

Keep in mind, it takes two and your husband is as equally to blame.

Your husband didn’t care either.

That’s a really sad situation, I am so sorry you are going through this.

0 Likes

#24

I think it bothers you so much because you’ve been hurt by this poor excuse for a man. Each insult adds injury. This is a person you had made a huge commitment to and trusted and he let you down on both accounts. That hurts (as you know) and is going to continue to hurt for quite awhile unfortunately.

I don’t know your life circumstances (whether kids are involved, etc.) but I’d highly recommend some sort of counseling. Places like this are great to vent, but it takes a bit to type out where talking to someone you can just let it all go.

Good luck and God bless!

0 Likes

#25

I do want to find a spiritual director, I’m in the process of making an appointment to see my priest about this. I’m not sure if a spiritual director is enough though, should I also look for a counselor?

I know that I’ll be upset and angry for awhile, he took away all my hopes and dreams. He took away my son’s family:(, his security, his safety, and his little twit had a hand in that.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t ever want him back, what I want is my hopes, dreams, family, security and my baby back:(. I don’t want her to have a baby, I don’t want him to give her what he should have given me:mad:!!!

I heard she doesn’t say anything about the cheating, late nights, etc., which proves that she doesn’t care about him, she’s just out to get what ever she can out of him (remember she’s only twenty years old, he’s thirty-eight) and that’s what he gets!!!

Yesterday I had my son’s b-day party, he had a blast, I had a blast, it was great and what my husband was doing didn’t’ even cross my mind!!! There are a lot of people that love my son and care about me…you would think that’s enough, and I feel bad complaining when, despite what’s happened, I am a very blessed person, it’s just hard and I can’t even explain it:( .

0 Likes

#26

I think this post hits the nail on the head. Of course you are still hurting. You gave this man everything you valued–your love, life, trust, devotion, fidelity. You opened up to him completely, had children with him, depended on him, committed your future to him. And he reciprocated by squandering his time and attention on people who mean/meant nothing. What was precious to you was meaningless to him. How very sad that this man is so empty he wasted and then destroyed a relationship with someone like you who seems so decent and honorable. I’m sorry for your pain and know there is no way to avoid it because you DO recognize the value of what was given and then discarded so callously. Perhaps pity for his spiritual poverty and moral depravity, recognition that he is incapable of ever giving as you did and gratitue to no longer be yoked to it will bring you some small measure of relief. Honestly, my focus now would be limiting his interaction with and opportunity to influence your son.

0 Likes

#27

and remember, there are good solid ways to get that anger up and out - use the Jesus Box idea - but do not beat yourself up for feeling…honey, I can only imagine the pain you are going through right now. You are my hero.

0 Likes

#28

I don’t know your whole story, but I am reminded of my wonderful mother-in-law who managed to get to a place of forgiveness with my father-in-law.
Her attitude towards her ex and 2nd wife? "She wanted him, she got him"
She understands - in her hindsight - that staying with him would have been a miserable life.

I pray you will find your way to that point. It may not happen soon, but hopefully you will get there bit by bit.

I’m sorry for your loss.

0 Likes

#29

Thank you for this, it certainly has helped in dealing with this situation. I never really paid much attention to this Psalm, but it certainly put things into perspective for me even though it’s still hard…I’m human.

0 Likes

#30

I think your post also hits the nail on the head…you have described exactly how and what I feel. It was all meaningless to him, my fidelity, loyalty, love and committment…it all meant nothing.

How can people do this to other people? I mean birds of a feather usually flock together don’t they, why couldn’t he have gotten together with one of his “own” and left me alone…why would he marry someone like me when what he wanted was what he’s with now…women with no values or morals. I just don’t understand why people intentionally hurt others…they know they’re comepletely disfunctional but still look to bring innocent people into their messes:mad:!!!

0 Likes

#31

I have forgiven him, I know I have otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to move on and I’d be bitter, I hope I’m not coming across as bitter with this thread, I’m just disgusted and angry and I’m sure I’ll get over it after awhile.

I do pity them, especially because I believe in our Lord’s justice and I know they will answer for what they’ve done either while still on this earth or in the next life. And I am thankful that he’s not my problem anymore, I thank God that he allowed me to see that. I do wish I could close this chapter in my life, unfortunately because of my son I will never be able to do that. He’s always going to be there, I’m always going to know what’s going on with him, I wish there were a way I could say goodbye forever, never have to see him, listen to him or hear about him, just live the best I can with my son.

0 Likes

#32

Thank you Leslie, and I don’t know about a hero, I certainly don’t feel like one. I actually feel like a cry baby who should just get over it and move on. There are people who have suffered and are suffering much more than I, I shouldn’t be complaining about anything:blush:.

0 Likes

#33

You definately DO NOT come across as a cry baby Lexee. You seem a wonderful, loving, kind and a very strong woman who’s had so much to contend with. Go easy on yourself.
You have suffered a great deal, God must love you very much. It’s not easy to move on, like I said, it took me 6 years.
There will come a day when nothing he does will bother you. It takes time.
Does he still see your son? Does he have to? Don’t you live quite a long distance from him now? It may be better for all if he had nothing to do with your son as well. He certainly wouldn’t be a good influence.
Praying for you. God bless

0 Likes

#34

Lexee,
You are understandably upset; sometimes it just doesn’t seem fair that good things happen to bad people (like your husband and his girlfriend) and bad things happen to good people, (like the loss of your beautiful Fatima).
It’s also nearing the one year mark of your daughter’s birth/death, much like me, and I know that I am sometimes just emotional about that and it manifests itself in other ways. In fact, I was having panic attacks last week and tried to convince myself that it was all about work, moving, nothing to do with my daughter’s anniversary.
Wrong.
Sometimes our heart just pushes its way to the front…give yourself the space to be angry,sad,irrational, rational, etc. God understands what you’ve been through and how unfair your husband has treated you.
I’m praying for you and I’m sure our daughters are praying for us at this time. If anything, ask your daugther to pray for the new baby since it will probably have a hard life!

Jess

0 Likes

#35

Lexee,

I’m not going to say I know what it is you’re going through, but I have lived in a situation like this as the daughter of a woman who got cheated on many times. My mother married my biological father when she was 19. He kept her isolated at home and never let her work. She had my sister at 20, me at 23 and my brother at 26. Right before my brother turned 1, my mom found pictures of my so-called dad in the car. She couldn’t believe what she was looking at! :mad: The pictures were of a Church wedding and my dad was the groom (with another woman!!!).

Before she found these pics, she had received many calls from other women telling her my dad was having sex with them and that he didn’t care about her. She didn’t listen, she never did until she found the heart breaking pictures. My parents were married in the CC, and here she found pics of him and that … woman (she doesn’t even deserve to be called woman, but for respect of CAF rules, I keep mean comments to myself), the pics were of a Catholic wedding!!! The worst part was that this woman was very pregnant in the pics.

We moved to a different state, and my mom filed for divorce but he didn’t want to sign the papers, he said he loved them both (can you believe this man??). As time passed, we didn’t hear of him, maybe once every 2-4 yrs, then it was 6, now it’s been 15 yrs since I last saw him.

He preferred the other woman and that kid of theirs. As a child who grew up in this mess, let me tell you that it is horrible. I feel so much anger against this man who calls himself my father. I dislike him for cheating on my mom, for leaving us, and for taking care of his new family.

But let me tell you this Lexee, my mom, just got her MA in business management, my dad never let go to school or work, my mom works for a big HMO and is very successful, my dad works in a laundry, my mom has her own house, my dad rents a 2 bedroom house, my mom has kept the same job for yrs and is growing a lot w/in the company, my dad can’t even hold a job for a year. My mom is happily remarried w/a man who loves all her 3 children as if we were his own, my dad’s wife cannot even prove her 1st daughter is my dad’s. My dad’s family still likes my mom and love us (even though we don’t see them much), and they can’t stand his wife or kids.

He had everything going for him and he messed it up. What goes around comes around. My mom loved him w/all her heart and gave everything to him, and now she is so successful and doing great. My dad gave us nothing, he even starved us when we lived w/him (our neighbors basically fed us every day, the Drs paid our medical bills) and worse of all, his marriage to that woman isn’t valid neither civilly nor through the CC. You get at the end what you give at the beginning.

You will get rewarded by God, while he might never be happy or have peace of mind again. Let God be the judge of him and let God be your guidance. Give yourself to God as my mom did, and offer everything you do and have to your son and late daughter. God will reward you! God will judge him for his actions. You have everything to gain, you can build yourself a great future, while he is being adulterous and doesn’t have place to call home. Be strong for your son and for yourself. If it weren’t for my mom, we’d be in the streets of Mexico (probably doing something I’d be ashamed of) but she pulled it together and held God’s hand all the way thru and all her 3 children have gone to college, 2 of us are married, 1 w/a child, 1 is in the Navy, 1 already has a house of her own, and one is still working to get her MA. Do you want to know what the bad part of all this is? He (my dad) is missing out on all this, he missed out on 3 children’s lives and the lives of his future grandkids, he missed our weddings, he missed graduations, bdays, xmas, etc… you on the other hand will be there and that is priceless…

May God bless you… You are in my prayers.

0 Likes

#36

Actually, I think a spiritual director is a GREAT idea. If you find a good one, maybe he/she can evalute you and see if he/she thinks you also need a counselor. (A Catholic counselor would be even better! - I know there is a website for catholic counselors or catholic psychologists.)

Yesterday I had my son’s b-day party, he had a blast, I had a blast, it was great and what my husband was doing didn’t’ even cross my mind!!! There are a lot of people that love my son and care about me…you would think that’s enough, and I feel bad complaining when, despite what’s happened, I am a very blessed person, it’s just hard and I can’t even explain it:( .

I’ll say what others have - you can’t beat yourself up over this. This is NOT your fault. It’s ok to feel angry. It’s ok to feel hurt. It’s ok to experience ALL the emotions you are feeling. It will take time to heal. Unfortunately, lots of time.

God bless you Lexee!

0 Likes

#37

I’m so sorry you’ve had to suffer through these things:( I will be praying for you and your family. Remember, it’s when God seems furthest away that He’s actually the closest to us.

0 Likes

#38

Lexee what you are feeling is normal. I know that you are hurting but just think that you are better off now without him.

I always say that you can never base your happiness on somebody else’s misery, pain, suffering and tears. That women is now feeling exactly what you felt. You may think that she does not care. But she must be going through a tough time right now. What you do unto others has such a funny way of coming back to haunt you. What your ex is doing to her now is exactly what he was doing to you with her. That is enough torture for anybody to know that how they were sneaking around behind your back he is now doing the same thing to her and on top of that she is pregnant and she has no security that he is going to be with her for ever and ever Amen.

I can gaurantee you this that women is miserable right now where she is because he is not even married to her and there is is expecting her 2nd child and the man is busy with other women. Your ex has issues and he needs to sort them out.

You are not a cry baby what you are feeling right now is normal and it is okay. You have every right to feel that way. But also don’t allow yourself to get upset about it. This man was not good enough for you and does not deserve you. God has other plans for you.

I should know it if you have read my threads you will know that my soon to be ex and I were married for 12 years had two kids together. And he left me for a 20 year old girl who is 14 years younger than him. When I found out about the affair in I fell apart tried committ suicide. And two months later when I found out she was pregnant I had a nervous breakdown and ended up in hospital and had to undergo shock treatment to get me out of the terrible depression state I was in.

One years later and I am so much better and realise that my ex and I were just not meant to be. He did not deserve me and little Miss Teenager can have me. Guess what he care hardly support the two kids we have together now. Miss Teenager left the baby when he was 4 months old with her mother thousands of miles away to come and stay with a married man who was not divorced yet. Left her baby to follow a man she will soon found out about the man she has gotten herself involved with. First of all he used verbally and physically abuse me, he is a a very jealous and possessive man, very insecure, unreliable, can hardly support his existing kids. And she was a very young, insecure, drug addict, unstable young girl. If he can abandoned, abuse, deceive, lie, cheat on me after so many years how does she know that he will not do the same to her one day when she reaches her expiry date. My ex looks like a very young man and soon those looks of his are going to catch up on him.

But I can say that God has blessed me in so many ways that I do not cry about this man anymore. Whatever feelings and emotions I had for him turned into ashes and dust. And what he did to me has just become a memory.

You need to just let it go it is not worth the pain and suffering. Your ex must grow up and what he is not realising that sleeping around in this day and age is very dangerous. And one day when he decides to wake up it will be too late. As for the Pregnant Women don’t even bother yourself with her. Her day came sooner than she thought and getting pregnant for the 2nd time “shame poor her” from a man that runs away from committment.

0 Likes

#39

Please forgive me for sounding harsh but it sounds like you’re well rid of him.

0 Likes

#40

You have a point, and I’m sure some of it has to with my baby, her birth and death. I remember your loss also, I will pray that you are able to get through this time all in one piece:o.

I am going through all these emotions and it doesn’t help that someone else is getting what I wish I had for myself, I think that the Psalms 37 quote that was given to me in an earlier post helped put things into perspective for me. I’m glad they shared that because it says that I should not envy what evil doers have. It’s just hard, I know God has a plan for me and I only pray that I am able to recognize it and follow. I don’t want to live a life without God’s hand in it, I don’t want to make life decisions without His counsel and okay. Thanks for your support Jess.

0 Likes

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.