Just your typical sob story post. I just spent the last 1.5 hours crying to God I thought I’d give him a break,
It’s Christmas here…I’m sitting outside in the cold to get away from my husbamd. I skyped with my family and afterwards I suggested skyping with his family …his mom…brother and sister and he was more interested in watching a movie…he never talks to his family…there’s nothing wrong with them…he’s incredibly selfish with them the same way her is with me. He doesn’t know how to love. I got upset and tried to make him feel guilty because it’s Christmas and I thought he should reach out but the man could care less. This hurts me…I don’t want this man as the father of my children. So I went outside and I prayed and then about 30 minutes later when I realized he had just left me outside and gone upstairs to bed… I began to cried. 8 years…does God really want me to go on unloved? My heart physically aches right now. I am praying desperately…I’m so confused…why must I suffer…what did I do? Did I do something awful in my past? I physically…emotionally have nothing left, I am drained…what does God want of me? I have nothing left to give to my husband. I am suffering so greatly…it hurts so badly…I keep focusing on Christs suffering on the Cross and it helps but I feel so weak. Do you think it’s possible God does not want me to suffer this way? Is it possible? This entire time I thought my suffering was part of my growth…but how much am I to endure?
Merry Chrisfmas everyone! Despite it all I am celebrating our savior the best I can : )