I am 40 never married and since I am a practicing Catholic no kids. I am a woman and I know a lot of men my age want a younger woman because they want kids. I have chosen to learn to accept that because after all, these men are entitled to their opinions.
Well, one day I was at the gym doing streches on this machine. A big (not fat but not total muscle either) hairy man came up to me and said 'how is the strech' and I said 'good thanks'.
Well, I find this guy physically repulsive. Also, he had an accent and I have no idea what country he is from but it was not an attractive accent either. A few days later I was streching again and he walk by and said 'We've met here before'
Well now, it is at the point when he walks by he says 'hi' as if it is normal because we know each other.
I must admit I do find it flattering because I do not 'get hit on' ever. However, everytime I see him from the corner of my eye, I hope he does not see me. I have no interest and half the time I bite my tongue from coming out and telling him I do not want to talk to him.
Here is the problem. If the tables were turned and I made polite conversation with a man and he though I was totally disgusting, I would be crushed as if there is no tomorrow. After all, he is a child of God and in God's world he has the exact look God wants him to have. I just feel tremendous guilt and I don't like to feel this way.
If God's will is for me to be single, I am willing to learn to pray for acceptance. But sometimes I think 'If God wants me to be single, why is he putting crushes in men's heart when he knows I don't feel the same way?' I have decided a long time ago to do my best to accept being single because in my opinion it is better than the frustration of trying for something that just does not seem meant to be.
Arrrrggggg the frustration