It’s been quite a while since last I posted but, if I may, I would humbly ask for your prayers.
Firstly, please pray for my family; my sister is recovering from a bout with a serious illness, and my family’s life has been turned upside down. We are still trying to set things aright and, though we still have a ways to go, God’s grace has always been superabundant!
Secondly, please pray for me as I discern my vocation. To give a somewhat brief overview of my current predicament: I will be graduating from college quite soon, and have recently been reexamining the state of life to which I believe God is calling me. I have struggled with this discernment for some time, as I first felt called to marriage in childhood, then thought about becoming a sister in high school, and then went on a retreat with the Franciscan Sisters of Perpetual Adoration (who are awesome!) during my freshman year of college.
On that retreat, I discerned that God was not calling me to that life. At the time, I thought my call would be to marriage and children; I still have a strong desire for marriage, and particularly for motherhood, but have recently experienced a particular interior union with Christ–especially after receiving the Blessed Sacrament–that set my soul on fire for continual union with Him. In what state of life this is to take place, however, I do not know, but I do know I want to share that union with others, to help them know this awe-full and “great and terrible” overwhelming love of Christ. I have also developed a particular love for the Extraordinary Form of the Mass and many of the more traditional devotions and practices; I do not want my love of tradition to overcome my love of Truth, though, as the whole point is to grow in holiness and closer to God, not to “feel good” about the liturgy.
I am currently single, and am planning to enter an M.A. program (in English) this fall.
I have spoken to my spiritual director about this; so far, the answer seems to be “wait.”
Of course, because I am a silly human woman, I don’t like to be told to wait! I have been able to find peace in waiting (if that makes any sense) so far, but now I am beginning to have doubts. Am I afraid to give myself totally to Christ? Am I “enough” for marriage? Am I running away from religious or married life? Etc, etc, ad nauseum.
I realize that doubts that fill me with fear are not from God, and also that I am particularly prone to cowardice, pride, and selfishness; what I need most, I think, is to put my trust completely in God, and to turn myself totally over to Him and to His will.
In short, if you would please pray for me to be filled with courage, humility, patience, and peace, I will be eternally (heehee) grateful! I promise to pray for all of you, too; if you message me with particular intentions, I can add them to the list, though just “for a special intention” would work, too.
Thank you all very much! God Bless you!
In Christ and Our Lady,