[quote="LSUpathdoc, post:1, topic:255043"]
This is my first post and my first visit to this site. I guess I feel lost and afraid.
Just a bit about me. I am in my second year of my medical residency in pathology and I have suffered from anxiety, depression, and panic attacks almost all my life. It think I have managed to make it through my life by avoiding things or situations that make me anxious or other defense mechanisms that have essentially protected me until now. That being said I have not had the easiest of roads. My mother was diagnosed with a grade 3 brain tumor when I was in high school and was essentially told she had 6 months to live. She beat it for 12 years. However in my second year of medical school it came back and took her from us. I loved my mother with all my heart; she was one of my biggest fans and still is my inspiration. I started to be interested in medicine because of her cancer but her passing away made me want revenge on what took her. I want to cure cancer so that no other family has to go through the pain that my family endured.
So I made it through medical school, dodging and weaving my way through the situations that made me anxious and I finished. I’m a doctor now and I don’t have to deal with those situations any more right? Well I seemed to have been dead wrong. It seems this stage in training only makes me more exposed to anxiety. For the first year of my residency I have been able to "deal" with my problems however I can tell it has worn on me emotionally. Lately though it seems that I am coming to the limits of what I can endure. I feel trapped in my own mind. On one hand I don’t have to put myself in a situation where I feel horrible every day, however on the other hand I have to endure this to get where I want to be. I just don’t want to be miserable for the next 2 and half years of residency. My wife and family do not deserve that and frankly I don’t think I deserve this. I am seeking help in the form of psychologists, psychiatrists, my priest, and of course God’s help. It just doesn’t seem enough. I just feel so very lost.
The sad thing is if I look at my life objectively things are going really great. I have a wonderful loving wife and we found out that we are pregnant recently. I should be thrilled, but all I find myself focusing on is my anxiety and worry. I hate to say it but sometimes I wonder if she would be better off without having to deal with a husband who is, well broken. I should be the strong man and lead the family right?
I just don’t know what is the reason for this God? I feel like I am suffering and for what? Haven’t I suffered enough? I am just so so tired of being scared all the time. I just want to be happy. I guess I am just asking for your prayers, opinions, and suggestions.
Hi, I have one thing to say to you , pray and pray and pray all the time. GOD loves you and is there for you. Do not let the enemy put these thoughts in your mind. Pray and focus on God because he is blessing and healing you. TRUST HIM. LORD GOD put your hand on your child here and give him your strength to focus on you and be closer to you and build his faith and banish fear from his mind, thoughts and heart. LORD let him have JESUS in his heart and feel you always .thanks LORD , in JESUS;S name I pray, amen.