I’m not sure if this is the right board. Forgive me if it isn’t.
I have this big problem, or maybe I’m being melodramatic.
But I have this anxiety problem, especially at night when I’m just overcome with fear and this sadness.
I’m sad that I miss my friends and my childhood which was the best time of my life. And then I get really upset because I realize, my mom may not be around forever for all my life. She’s my best friend and she’s the only one who understands me. I can’t bear the thought of being without her and I know it’s silly to get worked up over it, especially when it’s time to go to bed. I almost want to cry.
Then I’m very afraid, for some reason I just have this fear of evil and death. What it’s like to die, then going to heaven or hell. It scares me so much. And then I’m afraid of medical stuff for the future, what if I die during a surgery? How will my family go on without me?
And then just evilness in this world. America is so corrupt, there’s war, my best friend’s grandfather was murdered late last year and I knew him… It’s just so weird and I’m so afraid of what will happen.
I’m afraid of when I die, where will I go? I figure heaven but I’ve done things I’m not proud of.
I pray. I’ve prayed for forgiveness, for the holy spirit to fill my heart so there won’t be room for any evilness, and then I pray not to be afraid because that’s what we’ve been told to do in the bible, not to be afraid. But I can’t help it. I’ve become so self conscious lately too, I went to the mall and I felt nervous. I’m going to this taco and movie night with some friends from my bible study and i’m really nervous because i don’t know them well. And there’s an all day catholic festival i’m going to and it makes me nervous thinking about it.
I have medical issues and I look different, and my dad has made it a point that i sound different. Great for my self esteem I know but it’s not everyday. Just more frequent. I thought I was getting stronger in spirit now I feel so weak.
Advice? I need help to get to sleep at night. =/