Anxiety


#1

Hi. I'm hoping to gets some advice. We, like many in this economy, are suffering from severe financial problems. My husband is doing his best, but he is not able to censor himself in front of the children. I'm very concerned about my 8 year old who is sensitive and suffers from anxiety, stomach aches, separation anxiety, etc. She is having a tough time just going to school and has been crying a lot lately. I'm doing my best to meet everyone's needs for comfort and stability, but I feel helpless at times. Does anyone have experience or advice in helping a child through this? Thanks.


#2

[quote="Margaret44, post:1, topic:241562"]
Hi. I'm hoping to gets some advice. We, like many in this economy, are suffering from severe financial problems. My husband is doing his best, but he is not able to censor himself in front of the children. s.

[/quote]

I have no idea what you mean by this in reference to your husband


#3

My grandaughter has a similar situation, although her father doesn’ tplay a major role in the problem. My daughter has her talking to a counselor, getting as much vigorous exerciseas possible, writing in a journal about good things that happen, and she talks to her about rephrasing her worries in a more positive way. God bless you. I know it’s tough.


#4

Is your husband discussing financial crisis in front of your children and worrying them? This needs to be handled first, prayers for you.

I had a book a while ago called "Helping your Anxious Child" that gave me some good tools with my child. If the anxiety is hard to handle I suggest also talking to your childs pediatrician right away. There could also be problems at school but crying all the time is no way to live it is good you are trying to find solutions.

God bless


#5

Thank you for your suggestions. Yes, my husband tends to say things like, "We're so fxxx'd" or "I can't give you any money for groceries because there isn't any." I hate that my kids hear these things but this is out of my control.


#6

Our pastor gave a homily last week about "Don't worry." You can't "Not" do something. For example, if you are told "Don't think about elephants", you can't do it. You need something positive to do, instead. For instance, you can comply with the direction, "When you start thinking about elephants, think about predators, instead." That is a way of putting a negative command that works. You can just make it your habit to think of predators, and elephants will rarely, if ever, cross your mind at all.

What Jesus said in last Sunday's Gospel (John 14:1-12) was this: "Do not let your hearts be troubled. You have faith in God; have faith also in me." Do you see? He doesn't just say, "Don't Worry." We can't comply with that. He says, rather, "Don't worry; put your faith in me." That, we can do. Of that, He said, "Amen, amen, I say to you, whoever believes in me will do the works that I do, and will do greater ones than these, because I am going to the Father."

It might help to give your daughter these directions:

1) First off, notice how your body reacts when you are worried. Sometimes, we are all tied up in worry, and we don't realize it....but our bodies know. Listen to your body, so you know when you have worries to deal with, when "your heart is troubled", and not just the kind of normal concerns that let us know we have planning to do. When Jesus was tied up in knots about His Passion, He took his friends and went to the Garden of Gethsemane and prayed. So it is not bad to have things that concern you. That isn't a sin. It is a sign, though, that this worry needs to be dealt with!

2) When your body tells you that you are worried, then you have two things to do:
a) Go to Jesus and ask Him to give you faith and comfort. Remember, you can't "not worry." You need to put your faith in Jesus, instead. That second way is what works.
b) Go to someone in the Body of Christ and ask them to help you and pray with you. Jesus said, "Again, (amen,) I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything for which they are to pray, it shall be granted to them by my heavenly Father. For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them." (Matt. 18:19-20) and also "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Which one of you would hand his son a stone when he asks for a loaf of bread, or a snake when he asks for a fish? If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good things to those who ask him." (Matt. 7:7-11) Again, even Jesus took His friends with Him, when He went to Gethsemane to pray before He was arrested and crucified.

You might remind her, too, of this:
"See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels in heaven always look upon the face of my heavenly Father." (Matt. 18:10)

In other words, her prayers have special power in your family, so she is not powerless. Her concerns are of particular concern to God the Father. If she asks Our Lady to pray with her, this trial may turn her worries into a spur to bring her to ask her angel's help, and make a particular prayer warrior out of her. She needs you to pray with her, though! :thumbsup:

Finally, you can have her look at a Crucifix, and remind her: "God does not promise that nothing bad will happen to those who are faithful. God promises that if we remain faithful, He can take the worst thing in the world and turn it into the best thing in the world. When Jesus went to the Garden and asked that the trial pass Him by, He also told the Father that He was willing to go through it, if it was God's Will. Our trials don't have to be something we want to do, just something we are willing to do if asked. Sometimes, God doesn't lead us around hard times, but through them. We need to trust, and do our part, and hang in there. It will work out to our good, and to the glory of God. It is the little ones who will lead us, we know that, because they are not afraid to depend on the help of others, like us grown ones can get to be. So listen to your body, and when you are worried, you come to me, and we'll go to Jesus and we'll get through your worries together, OK?"

I liked the poster that suggested exercise. When your daughter is worried, you might go for a walk or a hike with her, let her talk, and maybe pray together, too. That could help on many levels. I also know a fellow who began journalling as a way to pray, when he was in 5th grade or so. He's a priest now. He said it was a great way for him to pray.


#7

Tell your husband that he is causing your daughter to be worried needlessly, and to put some duct tape over his big mouth. If he can't restrain himself from doing that, it amounts to emotional abuse of this little girl. Does he want to see her upset? What good will that do him? Tell him to get out of his little world of fear and think of others besides himself. He's not acting like a man.

:mad:


#8

Your point is well-taken, I’m not saying his wife might not talk to him about it, but cut him some slack. He’s a man consumed with worry that he won’t be able to feed his family. It is any man’s worst nightmare. There needs to be mutual support between the spouses during this time, not attacks.


#9

[quote="EasterJoy, post:8, topic:241562"]
Your point is well-taken, I'm not saying his wife might not talk to him about it, but cut him some slack. He's a man consumed with worry that he won't be able to feed his family. It is any man's worst nightmare. There needs to be mutual support between the spouses during this time, not attacks.

[/quote]

Sorry, I went a little Mama Bear just then. My husband, as many other flaws as he has, would never have said such things where our sons could hear. As far as they know, we have never had financial insecurity. There's a time for letting the kids know, but not when they are too little to help or do anything about it.

But now that the dad is causing anxiety, Mom needs to be truthful but faithful. The lessons about trusting God to take care of us will stand the daughter in good stead for the rest of her life.


#10

[quote="TheRealJuliane, post:9, topic:241562"]
Sorry, I went a little Mama Bear just then. My husband, as many other flaws as he has, would never have said such things where our sons could hear. As far as they know, we have never had financial insecurity. There's a time for letting the kids know, but not when they are too little to help or do anything about it.

But now that the dad is causing anxiety, Mom needs to be truthful but faithful. The lessons about trusting God to take care of us will stand the daughter in good stead for the rest of her life.

[/quote]

It would be better if he and his wife bore this as the adults in the family as much as they could, particularly considering their 8 year old is so sensitive at this juncture in her life. Having said that, the wife can't change him. She can only try to get him to change himself, and help the 8 year old through whatever the family situation exposes her to.

The Mama Bear thing is something that sends me shooting from the hip sometimes, too, but it is a good thing, and worth those little outbursts, IMHO! After all, sometimes even the little bird mamas imagine themselves bears, and take on the cats! :D


#11

[quote="TheRealJuliane, post:7, topic:241562"]
Tell your husband that he is causing your daughter to be worried needlessly, and to put some duct tape over his big mouth. If he can't restrain himself from doing that, it amounts to emotional abuse of this little girl. Does he want to see her upset? What good will that do him? Tell him to get out of his little world of fear and think of others besides himself. He's not acting like a man.

:mad:

[/quote]

I would say this is about half of what you need to do. The other half is to find time, alone with your husband, to discuss family matters. Your husband either does not care what his kids say or he thinks it's like the "old days" where there are adult words and kid words. Those days are gone based on the amount of F bombs I see on facebook.

Timing is everything. He probably needs to be in better habits. It may be up to you to get him into them. But fighting fair is best done in front of the children, fighting unfair away from them. If a hot issue is brought up suddenly, stress levels lead to poor choices in actions and words. Find a way to make the issue the problem and not seem like it's anyone's fault. When you can get there, it's much easier to deal with the issues.


#12

[quote="newbetx, post:11, topic:241562"]
I would say this is about half of what you need to do. The other half is to find time, alone with your husband, to discuss family matters. Your husband either does not care what his kids say or he thinks it's like the "old days" where there are adult words and kid words. Those days are gone based on the amount of F bombs I see on facebook.

Timing is everything. He probably needs to be in better habits. It may be up to you to get him into them. But fighting fair is best done in front of the children, fighting unfair away from them. If a hot issue is brought up suddenly, stress levels lead to poor choices in actions and words. Find a way to make the issue the problem and not seem like it's anyone's fault. When you can get there, it's much easier to deal with the issues.

[/quote]

Yes, good point. She does need to sit down and plan with her husband, and work on the financial problems in a calm way. Tell the hubby that in front of the kids is not the time nor place, just like starting an argument right before they go to sleep is not a good idea.


#13

One additional thing you might do is take your daughter for a checkup. Physical issues can exaggerate a person's reaction to a stressful situation.

I was struggling with major anxiety, including physical symptoms, when my husband was depressed. I was even unable to do my work, and was eventually fired. It turned out that I was actually very low on iron, and needed supplements. While this didn't remove the rest of the stress, I became much more capable of coping with those stresses when my iron levels were restored, and we were able to recover fairly quickly after that point.

Prayers for you! Do what you can, but know that everything you can't do is in God's hands.


#14

[quote="LongingForLight, post:13, topic:241562"]
One additional thing you might do is take your daughter for a checkup. Physical issues can exaggerate a person's reaction to a stressful situation.

I was struggling with major anxiety, including physical symptoms, when my husband was depressed. I was even unable to do my work, and was eventually fired. It turned out that I was actually very low on iron, and needed supplements. While this didn't remove the rest of the stress, I became much more capable of coping with those stresses when my iron levels were restored, and we were able to recover fairly quickly after that point.

Prayers for you! Do what you can, but know that everything you can't do is in God's hands.

[/quote]

If they don't have health insurance, a pediatric check-up (or any other health care that can possibly be put off without being guilty of neglect) could be beyond their means. These are the kind of things that a tough financial stretch can do to a family. It is very hard.

Having said that, their worsening financial situation might make them eligible for health care for their children that they couldn't get when they were a little better off. If their daughter's condition seems it might be more than something that comes and goes with her emotional state--that is, if she is more or less always on the emotional edge about something or other, rather than getting wound up now and then, depending on her sense of things--it could be worth a call to their county health department. They might be able to have an assessment done for free or close to it.


#15

Thank you everyone. I am heartened by the fact that you took the time to respond with your personal insights. I actually did have her checked by the doctor yesterday and all is well. The spiritual guidance is much appreciated and I will focus on that with her. I’m also trying to give her more attention. As for my husband, well, he’s a good man, but I’ve discovered that he is extremely selfish in many ways. Not in a malicious way, just kind of a pathological subconscious way. He is never wrong. Totally incapable of introspection. Everyone else must change and comply to his views. Anyway, I try to count my blessings and stay true to the gospel and my marriage vows.


#16

[quote="Margaret44, post:15, topic:241562"]
Thank you everyone. I am heartened by the fact that you took the time to respond with your personal insights. I actually did have her checked by the doctor yesterday and all is well. The spiritual guidance is much appreciated and I will focus on that with her. I'm also trying to give her more attention. As for my husband, well, he's a good man, but I've discovered that he is extremely selfish in many ways. Not in a malicious way, just kind of a pathological subconscious way. He is never wrong. Totally incapable of introspection. Everyone else must change and comply to his views. Anyway, I try to count my blessings and stay true to the gospel and my marriage vows.

[/quote]

You know, you describe a lot of spouses with this. Male and female, really. As we all know "it takes two" to... well for a lot of things. We all know we really can't make people change, but we can encourage them. Also, we have complete control over ourselves. If they won't change, we can change and maybe they will change with us. It's a long road, but it can work. You would be surprised how much "power" you can have over your husband's actions if you want to try.

I imagine you've been married about 10 years. Things have a way of "settling in" by then. Both become unhappy as the focus has moved from each other to other "important' things." It's not that they aren't important, but we can all loose focus on the proper order of things as we get busy with children.

I would suggest you visit the St. Monica thread where husbands are prayed for. It's filled with women that are struggling with husbands that aren't doing as well as they could.


#17

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