Any advice for my situation?


#1

so there’s this guy, we met about 7 years ago, we grew very fond of each other and maybe fell in love (well i’m not really sure on my part, he says he loves me) i wasn’t that strong of a catholic back then so we ended up doing some things that i didn’t know were wrong but do now so i stopped. basically i used to think only sex outside of marriage was not ok, which of course isn’t quite accurate, anyways, i have learned since then.

anyways my problem is that i’m not sure of my feelings, he still says he loves me even though i’ve bbacked off and told him why we shouldn’t be doing those things. i don’t doubt that he does care about me because he understood when i explained it . the other thing is that my parents don’t really like him and his parents don’t realluy like me either. if this goes any further, i know it’s just going to be a mess. i’ve had enough conflicts with my parents and i don’t want to make them upset or angry’ they’ve done so much for me, it just wouldn’t be right for me to do this.

i feel like God is calling me more to the single life now anyways. the things is, he just keeps holding on and saying that he’ll never find anyone else like me and he’ll wait forever and all that stuff.

i don’t know how to stop this now, i’ve also been trying help him come to the faith, he was baptized catholic and had first communion but his parents aren’t religious at all and made no effort to educate him in the faith so it’s going to take a while.

on the one hand, i’m sure we can just be friends because i’ve got a better handle on my feelings now and can control them well. on the other, i don’t want t him to just be stringing along and not letting go.

so i feel like these are the only options i have, start being mean to him so he’ll stop lovine me (don’t plan on that one because it’s wrong), cut as much contact as possible, or just try to be friends and keep communicaitons open and keep trying to help him come to the church. am i missing anything? another advice would be appreciated. and also prayers please.


#2

If you are 100% sure that this young man is not The One for you, then you should stop dating (and all contact at least for sometime) immediately and let him look for someone else. Of course it will be hard and there will be hurt feelings, but it is for the best for both of you. Be firm and clear that you don’t share his feelings for him and don’t let him try and change your mind.


#3

I agree that if your sure he is not your future husband then be honest and tell him that you feel God is leading you elsewhere. Id Tell him that if it is in God’s plan perhaps you will find each other in the future but you need the opportunity and space to see where God is leading you.I’d Offer him some breathing space to come to terms with this but feel it would be kind of you to continue helping and encouraging him to find the church as a friend if he still feels that way inclined.


#4

You don’t need to be mean to him, but do be firm. If you hang out with him, tell him you need some space. If he texts or calls a lot, put a limit on how many times per week. I would be careful about blaming God for your feelings when speaking to him. You don’t want him to blame God and push away any further from Him. It sounds like you went further than you meant to and have feelings of embarrassment and guilt. This is common. One other thing I should warn you about is a feeling that women get when they do things with one boyfriend and he’s not the one, but then they find soemone that they like a lot better, there is a this pressure to do more with the next guy, because ‘he’s really the one’. Don’t give into that. Decide your limits and make them clear with future men. You don’t have to do more with the next guy to test your feelings. You will know over time. Love and relationships take time and effort.

If you want to continue to be friends with this gentleman, then set some boundaries. Otherwise, tell him you need space. You sound quite young. Will you be going to college soon? Will he be going to the same college?


#5

yes, we go to the same university. it wasn’t planned that way, it just happened. and we also play the same sport so it’s not like i can just cut contact completely unless i quit the team and stop going to school.

i have already told him all those things you guys mentioned and it’s already been like a year since then and he still seems stuck on me. and i have not gone back on what i said either or gave in to anything since then. and i won’t be repeating the same mistakes if i do find another guy, which i feel is not where God is leading me at this point anyways.

i just wish had been stronger in my faith back then, would have prevented at least some of the problem possibly but i guess there’s not much i can do about that now


#6

If you have been to confession, accept the forgiveness that was given to you.

Since it’s been a year, is he being a good friend? May I ask if you are leaning towards becoming a nun? It sounds like you are hinting at that.


#7

no, i don’t feel called to religious life either at the moment, just single life where i have time to devote to various causes without the restrictions that come with marriage or living in religious community. besides, i’m an only child and will need to be able to support my parents somehow later on. as for him being a good friend, he is trying hard to, i think it’s just taking him a long time to get over his feelings, he claims he never will though. sigh… and yes, i have been to confession. i didn’t give as much datail as this though, just confessed the times when we did go to far and did things we shouldn’t have


#8

He sounds like he is remaining hopeful. As long as he’s respectful of your boundaries and you enjoy his friendship, he won’t do you any harm. He will move on, when the right person comes along.

I think you also really need to forgive yourself. You’ve been to confession and you are right with God, but you need to work on forgiving yourself. You also need to forgive him (assuming it was all consensual). I think you have a good head on your shoulders for recognizing that you need a break from dating. I took breaks when I was single as well. If you feel that your confession wasn’t done entirely, you could meet with your priest and try to resolve this.


#9

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