Any advice for someone considering adoption or fostering?


#1

Hello,
I am married and we have twin daughters who are two years old.
Next week, there will be an informational session on adoption and fostering at catholic social service and my husband and I plan on going, just to get some questions answered.
I know there are alot of moms and dads on here who foster or have adopted.
I have a few concerns.

  1. We have no trouble conceiving children (I was on ABC when we got the twins!! Wonder what we’ll get without ABC!) Furthermore, I fully expect that any future pregnancies will also be multiples. Let’s just say that if it were MY family left over from the flood, the world would have ALOT more than 6 billion people right now. :wink: It just seems weird to use NFP to avoid pregnancy while trying to adopt. Then again, it seems weird trying to conceive while trying to adopt!! I don’t know that I feel ‘right’ about preventing a natural pregnancy in favor of adopting. Does that make sense?

  2. I feel like if we adopt we’d be ‘stealing’ a kid away from some infertile couple who can’t have children any other way! Is that weird?

  3. I am open to the idea of adopting or fostering an older child or a sibling group (like I said, in my family we’re used to kids showing up in bulk packaging. We always tell people that we got them at Costco :D) or a special needs child. But I wonder - could I handle that? And, I worry too how adopting an older child, who might well be very, uh, worldly, so to speak, would affect my two year olds. I just don’t want to put my girls into a situation which might be unsafe for them physically or emotionally.

  4. Some days, I can barely handle the two kids I have. I wonder how responsible it would be then to bring another child into this home who might require so much more of my energy? I DO believe that God doesn’t call the equipped, he equips the called, so I tell myself ‘God will make sure you can handle this’ but then there are days that I think ‘Really God? You thought I could handle THIS?!?!?! You’re kidding me, right?’

Any other advice, encouragement, whatever would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!


#2

[quote="rwillenborg, post:1, topic:182171"]
1. We have no trouble conceiving children (I was on ABC when we got the twins!! Wonder what we'll get without ABC!) Furthermore, I fully expect that any future pregnancies will also be multiples. Let's just say that if it were MY family left over from the flood, the world would have ALOT more than 6 billion people right now. ;) It just seems weird to use NFP to avoid pregnancy while trying to adopt. Then again, it seems weird trying to conceive while trying to adopt!! I don't know that I feel 'right' about preventing a natural pregnancy in favor of adopting. Does that make sense?

[/quote]

Always be open to life. NFP is open to the possibility of life. God will always provide. :)

  1. I feel like if we adopt we'd be 'stealing' a kid away from some infertile couple who can't have children any other way! Is that weird?

It's not weird. We actually have ads all the time in the newspaper around here with people who want to adopt and can't have kids. Don't worry, you'll be in line. :) They'll have their turn.

  1. I am open to the idea of adopting or fostering an older child or a sibling group (like I said, in my family we're used to kids showing up in bulk packaging. We always tell people that we got them at Costco :D) or a special needs child. But I wonder - could I handle that? And, I worry too how adopting an older child, who might well be very, uh, worldly, so to speak, would affect my two year olds. I just don't want to put my girls into a situation which might be unsafe for them physically or emotionally.

Don't worry about older children being terrible, etc. You just work with them in prayer like anything else. They'll come around. Trust God with it. Older kids can sometimes be the sweetest ones anyway. :D

  1. Some days, I can barely handle the two kids I have. I wonder how responsible it would be then to bring another child into this home who might require so much more of my energy? I DO believe that God doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called, so I tell myself 'God will make sure you can handle this' but then there are days that I think 'Really God? You thought I could handle THIS?!?!?! You're kidding me, right?'

Any other advice, encouragement, whatever would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Ask God and your angel guardian to help you day to day. :) Every parent has that issue. You'll be fine. Trust God. God tests you for your own sanctification. Don't be afraid of it. There will certainly be times of trial, but I'm sure there will be abundant times of joy also.

This is a beautiful endeavor you are undertaking. ^^ God bless you!


#3

Hi rwillenborg
Firstly how wonderful you and your husband are considering fostering/adoption.
As a foster mother myself I would suggest you start with short term foster care.
This way you are not committing yourselves on a permanent level without experience.

Short term foster care is so vital.It can be for various reasons respite for a struggling parent
or disabled parent.It could be a child has to be removed to safety from a dangerous
setting in an emergency.It could be so many reasons.

Long term fostering and adoption are quite different and you will have a permanent
relationship.An older child in itself has its challenges.Many older children will have
'issues' of an emotional nature and will have special needs of their own.
To have twin 2yr olds and give the special care and time needed to a potentially
damaged child is going to be difficult,not impossible but difficult.

My other advice would be get as much training and support from fostering/adoption
services as you can.Once you have a child placed with you and you then discover
issues you may not be sure how to deal with or were not expecting it is good to have
someone you can contact immediately.

Having said all this I don't want to put you off.Fostering/adoption is very rewarding
and God bless you for even thinking this way.
When my husband and I started we did not expect all that we came across.
Our long term former foster daughters (sisters, their mother died suddenly)
are both now mothers and very much in our lives still.I love 'my daughters'
as if I had given birth to them.
Hope this makes sense and helps a little.God bless you on your journey.


closed #4

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