Any other Stay At Home Moms get this?


#1

This is sort of a rant--just warning you all. I'm wondering how many other SAHMs run across this.

I'm one of those SAHMs who has a college degree. I went through the whole thing, even though I never planned on actually using the degree I've earned. My first desire has always been to be a mother. But I got the degree so that I would have something to fall back on, in the event that my husband is ever not able to work.

Anyways, whenever I mention to people that I'm a SAHM, and that I have a degree, people are always like, "And you're not *using *it?!" I expect it from most people, but just yesterday I got this reaction from someone who I didn't expect it from. He and his wife are Catholic with four kids themselves, and usually quite supportive of staying home with the kids. But he could not believe that I would have "wasted" all that money to go to a private university and get this really great degree when I had no plans of using it. I felt like yelling, "SAHMs can get educated, too!" lol. Does that happen to anyone else?


#2

Yes. Even worse, people kept trying to tell me that I could always go to community college! (I already have a degree from a fine university) The implication was always that the only possible reason for being a SAHM was that you were not smart enough to do anything else.


#3

yes, I get the thing about going to community college as well! Or they ask, “why didn’t you just go to a state school?”

It’s like people think SAHMs are just “taking up space” by going to good universities to get our degrees.


#4

Actually, I've not had a paying job since I became a mom. I have a degree, I did work after graduation until I was married, and then until I had kids.

At some point after all 3 are in school (and if no other little people show up ;)) I'll go back to work, possibly part-time.

But no one has been critical, some have been "envious" as in, " I wish I could stay home," Or you're so lucky to be home"

I think someone is always gonna say something. Just ignore, ignore, ignore. and ignore.

Living according to God is what is important, and you are doing what you believed you are called to do. It's nobody's business what you do with your degree.


#5

I've come across both sides of the SAHM/degree argument. Some people think that it's awesome that I'm a SAHM and others wonder why I have a degree if I am not using it....I often wonder that as well. I've never held a job requiring my specific degree. I sort of fell into administrative clerical work after graduation right after I got pregnant with my DS. Since then I have really sort of grown apart from what I went to college for in the first place (Graphic Design). I don't have much desire to do it ever but I feel a lot of guilt for feeling that way...like I wasted my time and money. I am going back to school in August (community college) to get my certificate in Massage Therapy. I think it will be the perfect fit for me as most massage therapists work part time and that is exactly the kind of work and environment/atmosphere that I want.


#6

[quote="SummerSmiles, post:1, topic:242544"]
...Anyways, whenever I mention to people that I'm a SAHM, and that I have a degree, people are always like, "And you're not *using *it?!" .....

[/quote]

Bless you for staying home with your little ones, and Praise God you are able to do so!

Forgive me but something puzzles me, are you making it a point to tell people that you have a degree or are people asking you? I can't recall ever talking to people about my children and having the subject of my education come up.

Just wondering, if you are bringing the subject up yourself that "I am a mom and have a degree" it might invite the person to wonder why you brought it up and ask why you aren't working. I might be totally off base but just curious.

God bless!


#7

Well, perhaps I am jumping in where I have no knowledge. (Oscar is my puppy!!! And I work full time. No kids).

But...... you guys are doing something MUCH MUCH better than any "regular paying job." You are raising the next generation.

I think that is quite rude, actually, for somebody to say "WHAT?!!?!? You are not using your degree??? What have you been doing all day/all these years??? Staying up late, doing fun things, sleeping in, watching great movies on TV, going to a coffee shop and reading a good book, taking long baths, etc???"

Yeah, right!!!

Try staying up late with a sick baby, getting up very early with a lot less sleep than you need, putting on cartoons for the children and not watching a "grown-up show" or a news program for years, going to McDonald's play land and having juice spilt on you, reading good night stories to your kids (the same book over and over and over.... and it is the LONGEST book, too, and they know when you are skipping pages and trying to cheat, giving kids baths before you even get your own shower for the day, etc.

Don't take offense to people saying things implying that you are wasting your life. You are devoting your life in an amazing way.

And in no way is this meant to knock other mothers who work (either by choice or necessity). It is just really cool that you are able to stay home.

:thumbsup::)


#8

[quote="Monicad, post:6, topic:242544"]
Bless you for staying home with your little ones, and Praise God you are able to do so!

Forgive me but something puzzles me, are you making it a point to tell people that you have a degree or are people asking you? I can't recall ever talking to people about my children and having the subject of my education come up.

Just wondering, if you are bringing the subject up yourself that "I am a mom and have a degree" it might invite the person to wonder why you brought it up and ask why you aren't working. I might be totally off base but just curious.

God bless!

[/quote]

No, I don't make it a point to bring it up. If people start talking about their college experiences, I sometimes have something to add and then the degree is out there. Sometimes people do just ask when I stopped going to school, and then I'll tell them that I graduated. Or, most recently, it was with our insurance agent. (He's catholic, teaches NFP, and his wife is a SAHM, so I definitely didn't expect that reaction from him.) He asked what kinds of plans we have if my husband should ever be rendered unable to work and DH mentioned the degree.

Even so, I don't think having a degree is something I should have to be ultra-quiet about. It's not like I should have to hide it just because I chose to do something other than what I went to school for.:shrug:


#9

I used to get, "So what do YOU do?" as in, "What is your profession?" and then I would say, "I am home raising my sons." End of conversation. They would just drift away, if at a party, or if it was a one-on-one conversation with another mom, say, "Oh, I could NEVER do that!" or, "I was so BORED when I stayed home with my baby!" What do you say to that?? "I'm so stupid, I really LOVE being home with MY baby!" :p

I have a BA in English, concentration in Linguistics. I was over-qualified for baby talk, but found it fascinating nonetheless.

I would answer to that question, "So you're not using your degree?"

"Actually, I use ALL of my education every day, as I raise my kids to be the next generation of productive and patriotic Americans*!" :thumbsup:

or, "faithful followers of Christ," or any of a dozen other descriptive phrases


#10

I have a PhD in chemistry from one of the top schools in the country. I taught chemistry until my kids arrived.

Actually, people* in the work force* who went to private schools get asked why they didn’t got to a state school. Education at a private university can be a big investment, and people either want to know if the extra investment (and, usually, extra loan payments) were worth it or else they want to congratulate themselves on saving on that money by confirming their prejudice that a state school education is a better bargain.

I went to college and graduate school fully expecting to “use” my degree. People ask me, “Don’t you miss it?” To which I say: “Would I rather stay at home and wipe runny noses or ride herd on labs and spend every Sunday night grading papers? Well, I liked office hours, but I’d rather wipe runny noses than grade papers, any day.”

Regardless of how they mean the question, I’ve found it is best to treat it as if it were a an honest question: You got an education so that you’d have the choice to work outside the home or stay at home. Are you happy with your choice?


#11

[quote="TheRealJuliane, post:9, topic:242544"]
I used to get, "So what do YOU do?" as in, "What is your profession?" and then I would say, "I am home raising my sons." End of conversation. They would just drift away, if at a party, or if it was a one-on-one conversation with another mom, say, "Oh, I could NEVER do that!" or, "I was so BORED when I stayed home with my baby!" What do you say to that?? "I'm so stupid, I really LOVE being home with MY baby!" :p

I have a BA in English, concentration in Linguistics. I was over-qualified for baby talk, but found it fascinating nonetheless.

I would answer to that question, "So you're not using your degree?"

"Actually, I use ALL of my education every day, as I raise my kids to be the next generation of productive and patriotic Americans*!" :thumbsup:

or, "faithful followers of Christ," or any of a dozen other descriptive phrases

[/quote]

It occurs to me that people may give me an easier time because of my degree.

One of my professors said that when he goes to parties and people ask him what he does, he says he's a teacher. Oh, they say, where do you teach? Over at the college. Really? What do you teach? Chemistry.

The reaction to this is invariably silence, followed by changing the subject, or else something like "Chemistry! Oh, Lord, how I hated chemistry!" and THEN changing the subject.

So maybe I'm lucky because I didn't train for a job that most people would prefer to doing laundry!

Seriously, though, what I say to "I was so BORED when I stayed home with my baby!" is a variation on, "I love it, and heaven knows it works for the family better than having me working, but not everyone can do it, that's true. We all have to find what we're meant to do."

You have to remember that a great many families envy those of us with a parent that is so flexible. They feel guilty that they don't volunteer at school or spend as much time with their young children as they would like to. They feel worn out trying to get everything done, but they don't want to give up a job that lets them pay someone else to vacuum and clean their toilets. Or they really do believe that their education owns them, and that they are failing the gifts God gave them if they don't go out and make some money or "better society" with them.

With regards to their life, that's their call. We just don't have to concern ourselves when they project their decisions, their needs, or their insecurities onto us.


#12

If it makes anyone feel better, I just spent some time with an old friend from graduate school, a woman who is now one of the leading scientists at a national laboratory. Her children are just starting middle school. She thinks it is time that she or her husband either cut back to half time or else go on sabbatical altogether, until their children are out of high school, because she believes that teens need their parents to be available.

There are some very highly-educated and successful people out there in the workforce who believe in what we’re doing and who wish they could do it. I hear from them all the time. I hear from teachers who say they didn’t have it in them to stay at home, but who think it is great for the kids if a parent is doing that. I don’t think we need to worry too much about the ones who have a different opinon.

We went to college. We know how to make complex decisions based on our core principles and live by them, no matter what the crowd says. We ought to feel free to just do that. Anybody who doesn’t get it, well, they don’t get it. We don’t need to let their opinions upset us, even when they get a bit rude in pressing them on us.

After all, if the SAHMs don’t enforce a standard of grace on ourselves, regardless of the manners of others, who will?


#13

It is generally the MOST educated ladies I know who are the least willing to leave their children with some stranger for most of their waking hours. They seem to want as much control as is possible over their children's IQ... Only people who know nothing about child development could make some comment about moms "wasting" their degrees by staying at home. Don't pay ANY attention to them!

As usual, the "world" seems to have everything backwards, especially its view on SAHMs!


#14

Attack: "You're just WASTING your degree?

Response: "It was an education, not a job training course. Education is never a waste. If you consider your time at school as merely a job catcher then perhaps you're confused as to which one of us actually wasted the education...."


#15

[quote="manualman, post:14, topic:242544"]
Attack: "You're just WASTING your degree?

Response: "It was an education, not a job training course. Education is never a waste. If you consider your time at school as merely a job catcher then perhaps you're confused as to which one of us actually wasted the education...."

[/quote]

Actually, I have found that, "No, I don't see it that way. I'm very happy where I am, and I'd do it all over again" is just fine. They get the point that you're not biting on their invitation to make your life a subject of debate, and they drop the subject. (OK, maybe occasionally you have to repeat the phrase verbatim, looking them in the eye, smiling but with your teeth clenched. But that's very rare.)


#16

[quote="SummerSmiles, post:8, topic:242544"]
No, I don't make it a point to bring it up....Even so, I don't think having a degree is something I should have to be ultra-quiet about. It's not like I should have to hide it just because I chose to do something other than what I went to school for.:shrug:

[/quote]

Thank you for clarifying, forgive me I didn't mean to imply that you should have to be ultra-quiet about your degree. It is something you should be proud about! My apologies if my question was hurtful I was honestly curious how the subject seemed to come up often in your life and thought perhaps you were mentioning it and inadvertently inviting unwanted comments.

You are a rarity, many women do not stay home let alone women with college degrees. I think when people find out you have a degree it surprises them. This is the world we live in. College degrees are expensive and sadly it is a natural reaction in this society to wonder why someone isn't "using" it.

Good for you, as I said before Bless you for staying home and Praise God you are able to do so!


#17

I didn’t take your question as hurtful at all, I’m glad to discuss this with others who are curious. :slight_smile: I didn’t mean to say that you in particular were making it sound like I need to keep quiet about my degree–just stating that in general that’s the way some people seem to see it.

I’m very fortunate to be able to stay home with my kids, and I absolutely love it. And not everyone has that “WHAT?!” reaction to my having a degree, but sometimes it does surprise me when I get that reaction. Personally, I always have to laugh when someone thinks that it’s great that I’m staying at home until they find out I have the degree.:stuck_out_tongue: Like it’s fine for me to stay home if I have nothing “better” to do.


#18

[quote="lovemyboys, post:13, topic:242544"]
It is generally the MOST educated ladies I know who are the least willing to leave their children with some stranger for most of their waking hours. They seem to want as much control as is possible over their children's IQ... Only people who know nothing about child development could make some comment about moms "wasting" their degrees by staying at home. Don't pay ANY attention to them!

As usual, the "world" seems to have everything backwards, especially its view on SAHMs!

[/quote]

Interesting point, I hadn't thought of it that way before.

The way I see it, it's just common sense. Do I want someone else teaching the kids what *they *think is appropriate behavior, or do I want to teach my kids what *I *think is appropriate behavior? Because if they're not learning something from me, they'll pick it up somewhere else.


#19

[quote="SummerSmiles, post:1, topic:242544"]
This is sort of a rant--just warning you all. I'm wondering how many other SAHMs run across this.

I'm one of those SAHMs who has a college degree. I went through the whole thing, even though I never planned on actually using the degree I've earned. My first desire has always been to be a mother. But I got the degree so that I would have something to fall back on, in the event that my husband is ever not able to work.

Anyways, whenever I mention to people that I'm a SAHM, and that I have a degree, people are always like, "And you're not *using *it?!" I expect it from most people, but just yesterday I got this reaction from someone who I didn't expect it from. He and his wife are Catholic with four kids themselves, and usually quite supportive of staying home with the kids. But he could not believe that I would have "wasted" all that money to go to a private university and get this really great degree when I had no plans of using it. I felt like yelling, "SAHMs can get educated, too!" lol. Does that happen to anyone else?

[/quote]

There are many benefits of earning a degree, and one of them is more freedom in employment. Since when was that all our education got us?

I am not sure about anyone else, but along with my practical skills I learned a lot about time management, problem solving, communication, sound decision making, etc., etc., etc. I certainly don't need a job to use all those skills, do I? I am not employed outside the home, but my degree is a part of me that is with me in whatever I do.

Stop saying you are not using your degree. You may not be using it for one of the most practical reasons for earning it, but you are using it.


#20

I'm a working mom with a couple of advanced degrees. ducks for cover

I think all sides need to throttle back on the judgement - both the attitudes that come to us through the media and the stuff we sling at each other in real life.

Staying at home isn't an option for me, regardless of if I want to be there or not. It just isn't. I'm the primary bread winner for my family by far, but more importantly, my job provides my family with our health insurance. But I have encountered the "I'm a superior mother because my kids are the center of my life, as opposed to you, Dr. Feminazi" attitued from SAHMs before. (On another site someone actually did call me that. :p)

I was commiserating with a co-worker a couple of months back about this issue. She's in the same situation I am, but her kids are still babies and she's 15 years younger than I am, so I think she gets more guff. She was telling me that her stay-at-home sister asked her how she could live with herself, leaving her kids with a sitter, etc. to which she replied, "Versus what? Live out of our car?"

My point is that it's really nobody's business why Woman A works in an office and sends the kids to daycare, why Woman B works out of her home while raising the kids, and Woman C raises the kids without generating income, why Woman D gets married right out of college and chooses to stay at home with the kids. The only people whose opinions matter one whit are hers and her husband's.

We need to respect the decisions each of us makes. And if we can't do that, we need to butt out of each other's lives. All of us women, I think, could do with a little more support and kindness in our lives and a lot less judgment and tearing down.

Yeah?

steps off soapbox


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