Any stay at home mothers out there who ARE fulfilled?


#1

I am starting this as a spin off of another thread. I love staying home with my children. Sure, some days are difficult, but I am filled with joy that God gave me the opportunity to serve Him by serving my family.

I liked my previous career. I worked full time, and put my eldest child in full time day care. I eventually cut back to part time, but I was good in my field and opportunities to work more kept appearing. At one point when I worked part time I had a lucrative job offer for full time work and I was very tempted to take it. I am now thrilled that I didn’t.

My family would be entirely different if I had returned to full time employment. Several of my children would not exist if I had. Since quitting work all together my family size has over doubled–what a return on our investment! For the sacrifice my salary, God gave us several priceless human souls. We will rejoice together in heaven for all eternity (I hope) because of this.

It took a little adjusting to staying home full time. And I found it overwhelming some days. I, an accomplished professional, no longer felt that I knew what I was doing. And it drove me to my knees, literally. My prayer life took off like I never imagined. I couldn’t do it on my own, and I had to turn to God.

I hope that other stay at home moms will respond to this thread and that we can support each other as we care for our families 24-7.

Well my little ones need my attention, so I’m going to give it to them now. If I don’t check back here for a while, it’s because I’m caring for my family. But I look forward to reading from other women who share my love for staying home full time.


#2

i am totally fufuilled. i love my vocation of motherhood and do consider it a career. i often try to do things at home in a professional way just like i would if i had a career outside the home. i knew i would stay home when i was 8 years old. it was at that time that my stepmother who just finished a doctorate married my dad and put her career off to stay home with her 3 stepchildren. everyone she knew said she was crazy because after all we weren’t really her kids. it was one of the most impoartant things in my life. i made sure that in college i didn’t rack up debt including student loans because i knew that was an important part of being able to stay home. i use cloth diapers, made all my own baby food from what we eat, and don’t buy formula and with those three things i have found that having a child isn’t as pricey as people make it out to be. since i plan on nursing my children for 2 years each i often joke that i quit teaching to become a nurse, LOL. i do think it is important to have at least one thing i do: teaching childbirth classes and being a doula when i can. i’m also involved with a few things at church but my primary focus is my faith and my family. i love being a stay at home mom.


#3

I was a stay-at-home-mom all the years my children were growing up. Just before the birth of my first, I stopped working. The ‘kids’ are in college now and they still come home every night to a hot cooked meal…because I am still here. :smiley: They really appreciate this and I still love caring for the family. :love:
I think I will be sad when they move away someday…that will be another thread subject.

So you see… all you women who love being at home…you can do it for a really long time…20 + years…depending on how many kids you have!

A stay-at-home-mother…the career closest to my heart. :love:


#4

Yep, I love it. There are days, and I have to say they seemed to be more “what have I done??” days in the early days of this career…when they’re just babies, there’s not much you have going on, kwim? It’s just the two of you all day long, and by about 6mos or so, you’re into your routine and caught up on most of what you let go those first harrowing months…I was very bored and wondering if I should have stayed in (I was active military; once you get out, you can’t go back)…I worked part time as a reservist, which was kind of nice, but my heart was just no longer in it. I didn’t have the drive to succeed in the military, I just wanted to get out of there and go get my baby…lol, and I only worked 4hr shifts as a reservist! LOL. There are plenty of days where I wonder how nice it would be to have that extra salary…my neighbors are dual military, and the same ages as us, so their salary would be ours had I stayed in…I look at all their toys…and “freedom” some days and get a little envious, but then I look at how much I love my babies and a week away (let alone months!) would eat me alive inside. I also really like the opportunity to create a haven for DH when he gets home; he readily chips in with household tasks (without being asked) but I try to get it all done so he can just come home and relax – so home is a “getaway” for him.

So yes, I love it!


#5

Sahm for 16 years now. All boys, 16, 12 almost 13 and just turned 4. I am very glad God blessed our family as our other two got older or I may not have realized how much my older kids still really do need me to be home. I probably would have gone out and got a job after they both went into public school. (I homeschooled one through the 6th and one through the 4th.)

I did start working about 2x a month at my local Curves this summer, more to pay for my membership than anything, but when I told my 12 year old, you’d have thought I was going to the moon.

But it did help me to realize how important it is for them to know that I am home for them.

I do not always care for the housework, but I sure love the hugs even from my 16 year old as well as the play doh guys we get to make! Quality time is important, but the less quantity of time, I find the less the quality. Too much time disciplining, (or giving in just to get along) and not enough time reading books, running, jumping, and talking.

I would not change any of my 17 years unless it were to add a few more in between. Hopefully, God will answer the 4 year olds prayer for a baby sister. He actually prayed for twin sisters, but I am a bit conflicted about having that one answered!

God Bless,
Maria


#6

Every day of my life since 1988!!! I spent from 1978-1988 (took off only 4 months from Oct 1984-Feb. 1985 for the birth of my second child) working full-time, part-time, different shifts, you name it, I tried it so I would be the perfect “Supermom of the 80’s”. After my third child I stayed home and have not and don’t miss working outside the home at all. I don’t speak for all women, but myself personally could not be a good worker and a good mother at the same time. Some women say they can, but I was a mess.


#7

fulfilled

verb:
[list=1]
*]To bring into actuality; effect: fulfilled their promises.
*]To carry out (an order, for example).
*]To measure up to; satisfy. See Synonyms at perform. See Synonyms at satisfy.
*]To bring to an end; complete.
[/list]fulfilled

adj : completed to perfection


The other thread seemed like it was taking off in a different direction by the time I thought of defining terms, so maybe I can sneak in early here on this one.

Do these definitions (dictionary.com) give you more to ponder? They do for me. I believe that I am presently 1) bringing into actuality and 2) carrying out my marriage vows and vocation as wife and mother.

I have not yet 4) brought them to an end, and there’s no way that I’ve 5) completed them to perfection! (Is that even possible to do?)

But, when I’m asked if I’m happy being a stay at home mom, my answer is “Yes!” :yup:


#8

I was never a working woman, but I don’t feel like I missed anything. I finished my bachelor’s degree when my son was one month old and I had been married for a year (I had the last semester off, so I didn’t miss any of my son’s first month!). It was so satisfying to have my husband and son at my graduation!

My son is now 18 months, and I still love being a stay at home mom. We have had some financial difficulty because of the market for my husband’s line of work where we live, etc, and it’s caused us to consider me going to work. The thought absolutely breaks my heart! I am currently 5 months pregnant with #2 and the last thing I want to do now is start a career! I want to be home with my babies!

I have a friend who is a working mom and she barely has time to breathe, much less spend real quality time helping in her children’s formation. She tries hard, but she just can’t do it all. I find it very sad. Our sons are the same age and you can already tell the difference in the amount of time and energy that we have been able to give our respective sons. My baby is much more peaceful, responds better to me, and is more advanced intellectually than her son (not bragging here, just stating facts!) Her son definitely isn’t behind or anything, but she just doesn’t have the time to give her son that I have to give mine. He’s in daycare all day.

She gets home and it’s survival parenting mode until bedtime. Feed the kids. Clean the kitchen. Get the kids bathed. Get them in bed. Clean some more. Finally relax. She doesn’t have the time to be there in their disciplining, to teach them beyond the necessities, etc. All she tries to do every night is make it to bed time. It seems so sad! I know she can tell the difference, too.

Anyway, it just seems like a very hard life to live as a mother. I know I couldn’t do it. I want to be the one who raises my kids. I didn’t spend all that time in labor and breastfeeding and all those sleepless nights just to give them off to a stranger to enjoy them. I want to enjoy them.

I love being a SAHM!


#9

[quote=StephanieC]fulfilled

verb:
[list=1]
*]To bring into actuality; effect: fulfilled their promises.
*]To carry out (an order, for example).
*]To measure up to; satisfy. See Synonyms at perform. See Synonyms at satisfy.
*]To bring to an end; complete.
[/list]
[/quote]

And when I put my head on my pillow at night I do feel **(4) fulfilled. **When I awaken in the morning I can carry it out all over again. :slight_smile:


#10

[quote=contemplative]And when I put my head on my pillow at night I do feel **(4) fulfilled. **When I awaken in the morning I can carry it out all over again. :slight_smile:
[/quote]

Yes; Amen! Although, as a mama of a 9-month old, putting my head on the pillow at night is never a guarantee that the day is really brought to an end or completed–there’s always the likelihood that I’ll be “ful-filling” his little belly at some point before the morning! :smiley:


#11

I just posted on the other thread when I saw this one. I also love being a SAHM! 4+ years ago I was working as a teacher and trying to be a good Mom to our 2 children. It was so hard, esp since we tried to avoid daycare so dh and I had to split our days up, he stayed home during the day and worked in the evenings on his masters degree and then Ph.D. It was so stressful for all of us. I prayed and prayed for him to get done so we could be a regular family! LOL. I’ve been a SAHM for 4 years now and couldn’t be happier–and we’ve added 3 more lovely children!! Is everyday perfect and carefree? Of course not, but I’ll tell you, it’s wonderful to have my children with me all day and to have real family time together! I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

It’s funny, I tried to work parttime for a few months last year and
was again so stressed out. I didn’t realize it until my dh told me that it was a waste of time–I wasn’t bringing in any extra money, and I quit. What a huge relief and weight off of my shoulders! I won’t do that again! :slight_smile:
Jennifer


#12

Let’s see…

5 year old learning the letter F this week. We are reading about Fishermen in the Bible, we are planting Flowers…plan on going to the library tomorrow…

Just when 5 year old decides that he and his brother (16 months) needs to go outside and play…I decide to nurse 2 month old to sleep.

Then all of a sudden “MOM, Nate just took off his diaper!”…“Fine dear, I’ll get him in a minute”…“Yuck, Mom, Nate has poo-poo everywhere!”

I’ll just take that as maybe Nate will be easy to potty train and leave it at that.

Yeah, I’m fulfilled! Filled to the brim with excitement that only kids can give you!

Now, tell me what job would give you that kind of entertainment?


#13

Me!!! :dancing:


#14

[quote=gardenswithkids] My family would be entirely different if I had returned to full time employment. Several of my children would not exist if I had. Since quitting work all together my family size has over doubled–what a return on our investment! For the sacrifice my salary, God gave us several priceless human souls. We will rejoice together in heaven for all eternity (I hope) because of this.
I hope that other stay at home moms will respond to this thread and that we can support each other as we care for our families 24-7.
Well my little ones need my attention, so I’m going to give it to them now. If I don’t check back here for a while, it’s because I’m caring for my family. But I look forward to reading from other women who share my love for staying home full time.
[/quote]

God bless you dear mom and friend, “gardenwithkids”. Your post is so precious, and I would just like to say, I hear you, and I think you are SO admirable in the decisions you have made. God will bless you for putting your vocation as a mom #1, despite all the many sacrifices you have had to make, and HE knows how smart and gifted you are, don’t ever forget. How could raising the next generation of adults, of Church-going Catholics, married some day with children of their own, EVER be considered less than some “job” we women are doing now, putting in our dues, earning a meager salary, in this temporary life. Let’s invest where it makes a difference for the future, OUR CHILDREN.

God Bless You~ May all our children someday grow to Love the Lord with their entire soul, heart and mind, and us parents as their examples of this.

P.S. Just needed to mention that alot of days, I am so tired, frustrated and lacking energy. I don’t exactly feel fulfilled in my role as a SAHM. :confused: But just when I turn to the Lord in Prayer, and know in my heart that what I am choosing is right, that makes me totally and completely fulfilled, and I could not be happier.:smiley: No way. I would forego a $100,000 a year job for this priovilege. Just in church last nite, Pastor said how these so precious moments of “walking our kids to school hand in hand, up the hill, and picking them up with expectation, our precious children “seeing” our car when we are there to pick them up when they get out”, how it makes ALL the difference to them, and to the future, and if we only could all realize such. This makes me feel so happy and fulfilled beyond belief, despite the day to day hardhips of 6 loads of laundry, scrubbing the toilets, shopping, and preparing meals, but you know what? when I think of it this way, joy fills my soul beyond belief, and I am so grateful.!!:smiley:

Luv,
Sparkle
Prov. 3:5,6


#15

I should add, one of the things I will never forget from childhoood – a nasty girl at school put a container full of pencil shavings in my “chia pet” curly hair…made me cry – I was in second grade, and to this day, remember the pain all too well…humiliation, you name it. I went home for lunch, had an egg salad sandwich, told my mom all about it, cried with her, she made me pray for Tara Cutalo (see how well I remember it!!!) and ask God to bring kindness to her instead of mean…we talked, watched family feud, and then I went back to school for the afternoon feeling not quite “all better” but SOOO much better than I had felt; my mom had kissed it and made it better…because she was there. She had the time to devote to my needs, and everything else took a back seat because it could – we were a family of nine; she never worked, my dad worked 3 jobs so she could stay home. We scrimped and pinched like everyone does, and you know what? We took vacations every couple of years to visit family etc…but I remember “the pencil shavings” episode more than anything else when people ask me about staying at home vs. working. I only hope I’m giving similar to my own children, and can impart the wisdom and grace my mother offered to me


#16

I really enjoy reading everyones’ posts! Thank you for responding and I hope the posts keep coming!

[quote=DJgang]Then all of a sudden “MOM, Nate just took off his diaper!”…“Fine dear, I’ll get him in a minute”…“Yuck, Mom, Nate has poo-poo everywhere!”
[/quote]

Two words: duct tape.:wink:


#17

[quote=leaner]I should add, one of the things I will never forget from childhoood – a nasty girl at school put a container full of pencil shavings in my “chia pet” curly hair…made me cry – I was in second grade, and to this day, remember the pain all too well…humiliation, you name it. I went home for lunch, had an egg salad sandwich, told my mom all about it, cried with her, she made me pray for Tara Cutalo (see how well I remember it!!!) and ask God to bring kindness to her instead of mean…we talked, watched family feud, and then I went back to school for the afternoon feeling not quite “all better” but SOOO much better than I had felt; my mom had kissed it and made it better…because she was there. She had the time to devote to my needs, and everything else took a back seat because it could – we were a family of nine; she never worked, my dad worked 3 jobs so she could stay home. We scrimped and pinched like everyone does, and you know what? We took vacations every couple of years to visit family etc…but I remember “the pencil shavings” episode more than anything else when people ask me about staying at home vs. working. I only hope I’m giving similar to my own children, and can impart the wisdom and grace my mother offered to me
[/quote]

Leaner: This is such a precious instance. And just SO admirable that your dad worked “3 jobs” to support his family. What an awesome man he was! You just have to admire him so much even to this day. What a blessing for you to have such an awesome dad. Thank you for sharing it with all of us. Yes, sounds like your mother was so loving and doing such the right thing. I’m sure you will so the same for your little precious ones. God Bless You!! And thank you for sharing this story for all reading it. I think it will undoubtedly touch one soul that needs to hear it.

Luv,
Sparkle


#18

[quote=kristacecilia]I was never a working woman, but I don’t feel like I missed anything. I finished my bachelor’s degree when my son was one month old and I had been married for a year (I had the last semester off, so I didn’t miss any of my son’s first month!). It was so satisfying to have my husband and son at my graduation!

My son is now 18 months, and I still love being a stay at home mom. We have had some financial difficulty because of the market for my husband’s line of work where we live, etc, and it’s caused us to consider me going to work. The thought absolutely breaks my heart! I am currently 5 months pregnant with #2 and the last thing I want to do now is start a career! I want to be home with my babies!

I have a friend who is a working mom and she barely has time to breathe, much less spend real quality time helping in her children’s formation. She tries hard, but she just can’t do it all. I find it very sad. Our sons are the same age and you can already tell the difference in the amount of time and energy that we have been able to give our respective sons. My baby is much more peaceful, responds better to me, and is more advanced intellectually than her son (not bragging here, just stating facts!) Her son definitely isn’t behind or anything, but she just doesn’t have the time to give her son that I have to give mine. He’s in daycare all day.

She gets home and it’s survival parenting mode until bedtime. Feed the kids. Clean the kitchen. Get the kids bathed. Get them in bed. Clean some more. Finally relax. She doesn’t have the time to be there in their disciplining, to teach them beyond the necessities, etc. All she tries to do every night is make it to bed time. It seems so sad! I know she can tell the difference, too.

Anyway, it just seems like a very hard life to live as a mother. I know I couldn’t do it. I want to be the one who raises my kids. I didn’t spend all that time in labor and breastfeeding and all those sleepless nights just to give them off to a stranger to enjoy them. I want to enjoy them.

I love being a SAHM!
[/quote]

You listed many of the reasons why I will be staying home with my little angel when s/he is born in January. Great post!


#19

Thanks sparkle – we were really blessed; my dad tells the story of when he worked for RCA, it was Thanksgiving and the phone rang; four kids under 5 at the table, and one in my mom’s tummy…he was laid off as of 1 December. He said he couldn’t even eat after that…but God never closes a door without opening a window, and thru the next job he got, he met his future business partner – together they opened a medical billing business about 10yrs later…he still worked two jobs all thru my school years; one job as a govt employee in NYC, and his night-job at his own business, but b/c of that business, he was able to drop the weekend job…and then eventually the NYC job (that job he HATED with a passion). By the time I was almost out of college, he was down to just his own business full time, and now he works part time for the company and is getting ready to sell his shares…he’s 75. I don’t think we really thought much about it; Dad was home for dinner and then maybe 30min after, and then he went back to work…that was what we knew, kwim? Yes, I admire him for doing what needed to be done for the good of all of us, but my mom is a hero too here…six kids in 6 years, and one more after that…7 under 10, could you even imagine? And virtually no help from sun up to bedtime…phewsh. I ask her how she did it and she shrugs and says “I dunno? I just did! You didn’t have a choice, if you didn’t, someone starved, or bled to death, or whatever. You just did”

They’ve been married 45yrs now, and with all the stress and strife, she still says she’d have had more if she could (they tied her tubes when I was born b/c she hemmoraged and they lost her on the table; they were able to revive her, but after 7 c-sections, they tied her tubes to save her life…)

I don’t regret missing anything material – and we missed a lot of the material aspects of life, but I dont’ remember feeling deprived – ever. We always seemed to be happy – at least in my memories…lol, maybe I’ve colored them without realizing it!!!


#20

[quote=leaner]I should add, one of the things I will never forget from childhoood – a nasty girl at school put a container full of pencil shavings in my “chia pet” curly hair…made me cry – I was in second grade, and to this day, remember the pain all too well…humiliation, you name it. I went home for lunch, had an egg salad sandwich, told my mom all about it, cried with her, she made me pray for Tara Cutalo (see how well I remember it!!!) and ask God to bring kindness to her instead of mean…we talked, watched family feud, and then I went back to school for the afternoon feeling not quite “all better” but SOOO much better than I had felt; my mom had kissed it and made it better…because she was there. She had the time to devote to my needs, and everything else took a back seat because it could – we were a family of nine; she never worked, my dad worked 3 jobs so she could stay home. We scrimped and pinched like everyone does, and you know what? We took vacations every couple of years to visit family etc…but I remember “the pencil shavings” episode more than anything else when people ask me about staying at home vs. working. I only hope I’m giving similar to my own children, and can impart the wisdom and grace my mother offered to me
[/quote]

What a lovely story!

I can say that my experience is the opposite. My mother was a hairdresser. She worked until 5:30 everynight, so did my dad. Guess how my time was after school? Letting myself in the front door and trying to keep my little brother inside and out of trouble. “Latch key kid”, that’s what I was.

So, my experience, I do not want my children to have. That’s why I stay at home.


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