Anyone else in a long distance relationship?


#1

My girlfriend lives 1 1/2 hours away. We talk on the phone at least once every day, most times twice plus texting, and talk for about 2 hours. We’re both giving up soda pop for Lent, even though I’m concentrating on some other things, and we’re both reading the daily Mass readings. It’s the only way I know that we can do Lent “together.” I want this relationship to be holy, and I pray that God direct us according to his will. I miss her, though, and I guess that’s the purpose of this thread more than anything - plus maybe I’m a little lovesick. I just needed to tell someone and I guess a forum of people I don’t know is about as good as anyone else.


#2

1.5 hours isn’t that bad.

Have you ever considered meeting anywhere halfway so that you can see each other more?


#3

I don’t understand. Are you saying that you two don’t meet while you actually could? Or what else is there?

Been in two long-distance ones, including one where she and I didn’t even ever meet in person. Not looking back with fondness, but not telling you to stay away, either. Just as long as you both are on the same page and are able to overcome the difficulties connected with being in a long distance relationship, then it very well might work out for you.

Besides, as others, I don’t think 1.5 hours is that much. You’re practically guaranteed it when you live in the same big city, for example.


#4

Hey Epistemes, 1.5 hours isn't too terrible, depending on how busy you both are, if you have cars etc. My girlfriend and I have been through periods of long distance. I am actually moving about 2 hours away this weekend. It can be difficult. Have you considered getting web cams so you can see each other when you talk?


#5

We saw each other this past weekend. We spent all weekend together. And we made plans to see each other again the weekend of the 26th through 28th. We’ll spend all weekend together then, too. Unfortunately we have to wait three weeks before we see each other again because she’s leaving for Chicago on March 6th and won’t be back until the 14th. We’ll then spend the weekend of 19th through 21st together. If we do this “every two weeks” thing, I’ll only get to see her once in the whole month of March.

She doesn’t drive long distances, or hasn’t before, at least. She’s kind of timid behind the wheel due to her small size.


#6

I agree with the previous posters. 1.5 hours really is not that bad, especially when you get to see each other on occasion.
My boyfriend and I had a long distance relationship for over 2 years while he was finishing college and I had moved to Omaha for pharmacy school. At times it was hard, especially when we had to go 2 months without seeing each other, and I’m so glad he’s in Omaha now for work and school. Even though it is difficult, a long distance relationship is doable. Talking every day is a great way to keep the relationship alive while you are apart.
Also in your post, you mentioned something about doing something with your girlfriend for Lent and wanting to foster a strong spiritual relationship. My boyfriend and I wanted to do this too while we were apart and came up with a good idea. We prayed Night Prayer together from Liturgy of the Hours every night during Lent over the phone. This worked out well because you can divvy up the parts so you’re praying together but aren’t talking at the same time. Maybe you could try something similar.


#7

Epistemis,
I dont know if my story will help you solve your problem but maybe it will give you hope. I posted it on another thread and am reposting it here. May God Bless you and the young lady.


My story begins with my two son's. I was divorced in 1992 when the boys were 10 and 12 years old and I had joint custody with their mom who fortunately lived close by. I promised myself right then and there that I would not be involved with anything that would take time away from them. That included being involved with anyone that would take up their time. I guess we had the normal, if you could call anything normal with two growing boy's, father-son relationship. Camping, fishing, hunting, school activities, ball games, and all sports. I never missed any of the things my boy's were involved in, not one, and I enjoyed each and every second of it. So many fantastic memories. Well time goes by, and boy did it go by quickly, they grew up, graduated, and started a life of their own. I guess that before I go any further I should tell you that I have a very deep devoted loving relationship with the Blessed Mother. I went through some very, very tough and agonizing times over several years and had no one to turn to except for my biological mom and her. Without her and the rosary I would not have made it through. So she truly became my mother during these times. With the boy's grown I started to think about time for me, my life, and my future. I prayed to God and the rosary that He send me someone and not just anyone. If He could not send me the best then living single the rest of my life would be fine with me. I lived in the country and was a fifth generation cattleman in an area in Texas in the bible belt where catholics were a rare and endangered species. So Protestant ladies were the only choice I had. Not that they were not nice. The few that I had a date with was just that, a date, one date.They were good ladies but God showed me pretty quick that a mixed marriage just would not work with me. My devotion to my religion was too strong. Also moving out of the area was not an option. My roots where I grew up were strong and deep and all of my friends and family were there. So as I was going through the Internet one night I came across Saint Rafael's sight for single catholics. Now I was very apprehensive of anything on the Internet that had to do with meeting someone. I guess I grew up in an area where someone on the Internet would be a scandal if not laughable. In their eye's I might as well get a mail order bride. But I kept coming back to the St. Raphael web sight. Every lady on there lived at least a hundred miles from me and as I said I had no intention of moving. One May night I received a message from a lady that only said "I like horses too." I had put in my profile that being a cowboy I had to ride every day to check my cattle. I looked at her profile and see caught my eye. A beautiful red headed lady that had a lot of things in common with me and had a lot of the same interest. Only one drawback, well maybe two, she lived 800 miles away in Georgia and she was a transplant from the north. A true blue "Yankee". Not only did she talk a foreign language(Yankeebolics) but she also thought that the North had won the war. I thought "no way." I don't think I responded to her right off but for some reason I kept coming back. Little did I know that God was leading me into something that would change my life forever. Finally one night I thought what the heck. It might be nice to have someone to talk to over the Internet because we had a lot of the same interest and thought alike. So I sent her a message something to the effect that I rode every day and enjoyed it very much. To my surprise she responded back. We messaged back and forth and after a while I asked for permission to call her. We had our first meeting in July. I went to visit her in Georgia and after that I was hooked on this red headed lady. I was truly in love with not only someone who truly loved me. But she was hesitant because she had been hurt in the past. She kept saying "I need a sign from God." I guess she wanted the heavens to open up and hear the choir of angels singing. But I kept reminding her of all the little signs that were to obvious to be coincidences. I really felt God leading me to this lady. So many times in the past I had not really listened to God and did what I wanted to. This time I was listening carefully and I knew it was Him working in my life. Finally I convinced her that God had brought us together and that it was His will for us to spend our life together. I proposed to her in St. Raphael's chapel in Dallas Texas. Not a coincidence since St. Raphael had brought us together. We were married in September. That was in 2003, 7 years ago, and our life has been blessed ever since. I thank God each and every night for my angel he sent me. Oh and by the way that part I said about never leaving Texas.....forget that. We live in Georgia close to her family and ride our horses every weekend together.


#8

I see. My suggestion, but please take it well, would be not to create great problems out of small things. It’s a normal occurrence in life that she goes somewhere for a week or that she has some fears on the road. We all come with our human insecurities that to other people seem trivial, such as for example your strong reaction to the fact that she’s leaving for a week, or her fear of driving 1.5 hours because of her small size. They can be endearing and they can visualise the fact that we all have our challenges and limitations, but at the same time, they can give us temptation to make ourselves miserable and use our fears as excuses for keeping ourselves in that state. It can’t take the form of *She’s away for a week, I can’t live! *or *I want to see him so much but there’s no way I can survive 1.5 hours on the road! *I don’t want to say more because I’m no psychologist or therapist, but just this one little thing: don’t make big problems out of small things.


#9

2 hours away. I regularly go 3 or 4 weeks without seeing my bf. This time we were apart 1/6 to 2/12. The next big break will be 2/28 to 4/16. You'll learn to survive it.


#10

I agree, 1.5 hours apart really isn’t too horrible. My fiance and I are 4.5 hours apart. We’ve been in a long distance relationship for 3 of the 5 years we’ve been together.

It’s not easy, I will say that. There have been times that we’ve had slight arguments over dumb things on the phone because it’s hard to talk about serious topics over the phone, I will warn you of that.

But, we’re in a lot better place spiritually and relationship wise now than we were 3 years ago.

With our getting married this fall, I’ve taken on a second part time job to try and save more money for a future home and wedding expenses, so now I only get about 1 weekend off a month to see each other.

I’m not sure what advice I can give you on it. Like I said, just remember that talking over the phone is harder than in person. There may be times that you interpret things differently since you can’t see their face or interpret the tone as easily, so just don’t get too worked up over the phone.


#11

1.5 hours away is not long distance, many people spend nearly that long driving to work every day. If you meet half way, it's only 45 minutes away. Where I live it might well be the average drive to work.


#12

In one currently. My DH is on his 3rd year long tour, not complaining just saying I've been there. Not quite the same as dating as we're already in for the long haul....but still.


#13

Get a web cam and get onto skype then you can see each other every day if you want.

My son has a girl friend in Peru. They have meet twice in the past 8 months (for a week or two each time. He will fly down there in March for another one week visit. Then she will be going to grad school in Tokyo, Japan. My son will visit her for a week in May when we will be in China.

I don’t know how far this relationship will go, but THAT is a really long distance relationship.

Our daughter is in Beijing and we see her on skype every week. It’s not as good as being there, but it’s the next best thing.


#14

With Skype or MSN's voice functions or a similar communicator, you can at least skip typing and hear normal human voice the same way you would on the phone (unless connection is bad, then it will be distorted). It's different from having to type every word, wait for typing back, rely on emoticons for reading emotion and so on.


#15

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