I have been listening to this song a lot lately:
And it now has me thinking that too often that I am just going through the motions of being Catholic. Mass on Sunday. Pray daily. Pray the rosary daily. But I am not really “living” my Catholic faith. I finally finished a great book entitled “Be a Man!” by Fr. Larry Richards and I realized more and more that I was just going through the motions. I was not living my faith the way that God is calling me to and it got me to thinking. I am starting to dive more into the faith. Trying to be more open to God’s will in my life and my family (pregnant wife and 4 kids). I have begun to read the bible more now and have started to focus more in my prayer (trying to atleast as I tend to let my mind wander too much), listening to good Catholic speakers, reading good Catholic books, yet I still feel as if I fall short. Maybe I have too high of expectations, but I want to continue to make that change.
I realize that by doing this there are those in my life that may laugh at me and even turn their backs on me, but I am at the point that I have to realize that it is not about them (not entirely) but it is about me and about the way that I want to live. The life that I have to be held accountable for when I answer to God. I was away from my wife and kids when she was pregnant with our 4th child, living 2 states away for work and I had a lot of time to go to adoration. Sometimes 2 and 3 times a week. I loved it. Yet, once I was back home I fell into a routine of not going and continued to play the “busy” card. I feel bad that I do not go and am trying to recommit myself to doing this on a regular basis, atleast one hour a week.
I want to know if there are others out there like me and maybe we can use this as a source of support, strength, guidance, anything to help us make that change and to stop “going through the motions.” That way will not have to ask “what if I had given everything instead of going through the motions?”
I look forward to hearing other stories and sharing with each of you. Many times I find that for me it is not easy to admit that I fail before God to others. OF course He knows that I do, but to let others know that I am not being the person that God has called me to is tough. It is hard to admit failure, but I know that I am weak and that I need strength. I have talked with my wife about continuing to help me, encourage me, even challenge me as I make a more firm committment I have talked with a few other men about holding me accountable cause as it says in Proverbs 27:17 “As iron sharpens iron, so man sharpens his fellow man.”