Anyone feel like they won't ever get married?


#1

Just as the thread title says. Also, some married people now, did you have such thoughts when you were younger. I do not mean this in a way such as a vocation regarding celibacy, but rather that they won’t ever find someone and doomed to live a single life.

Of course this depends on whether you feel the ‘single life’ is ‘doom’ - Personally, for me, I do.


#2

I felt this way many times when I was in college looking for a mate! I felt I would never find a man who shared the same Catholic beliefs I did…even the young men who went to my parish would miss Mass all the time, not follow the teachings of the Church, etc.

I started to feel very sad because I thought I would be “doomed” to be single as I didn’t want to settle for “any man”, but one that had strong beliefs like I did.

I finally met my husband on www.avemariasingles.com, he lived about 3 1/2 hours away from me but that wasn’t much of a problem. I met him when it seemed like I had “given up” on finding a mate and left it all in the hands of God and to His Will, then very shortly after that I met him, my future spouse!

I know how you feel and will pray for you, but I would suggest what I did…just let it go and put it in the hands of God. I know that’s easier said then done, but I felt such peace when I finally did because I wasn’t worrying all the time either! You will feel much better if you can too:D


#3

Thanks gam3rchic, your situation (past) sounds remarkably like mine, are you sure you aren’t me in the female form :smiley:

Thanks for your prayers :slight_smile:


#4

can i get an Amen??? Seriously. I am in my late 20’s and i feel this way sometimes. I feel like “Okay God you have worked on me for awhile, what else do i need to change/mold before I meet someone to share my life with?”

It cracks me up when i see married people talk about their single days and wanting to get back to those days. i am like are you crazy? Being single SUCKS! You have no one to decompress with from the day. No one to share all your joys and happinesses and your sorrows and pains with. Yes you have friends but they are not the same. When most of your friends are married you can’t depend on them to be your support since they are now their own family. You have to be self suffuicent family and run your own household. There is no one to share the work load with. Its get tiring. And lets not lie everyone likes to feel human touch be it just holding hands, cuddling or more (well when your married;) ). When your single you don’t get that.

I try not to get depressed about my singleness too much because God has to have a plan for me. He wouldn’t put the desire in my heart to be married and to be a mother just to play and toy with me. What gets me through is praying a rosary for my future spouse and working on deepening my relationship with God. Its not easy and sometimes frustrating but nothing is easy.

I’ve thought about a single site since all my church guy friends only see me as “the friend” even though the tell me that i am a great catholic women and a man would be lucky to marry me. And then the complain about not being able to find a good women and i feel like screaming “HELLO?? I’m i not sitting here?” But the truth is i start law School in the fall and not many men are going to be able to deal with someone who will not be around too much because of class and studying.


#5

I definitely worry about this. Partly my fears lies in the fact that I simply don’t see any prospects. I don’t know any single, faithful Catholic men. If I could look around me and say “Well, I haven’t met the one yet, but look at all these good Catholic young men around me.” Unfortunately, I haven’t met even one Catholic single man since converting. They are all either a) taken or b) Catholic in name, but not practice. It doesn’t help that all my friends are married and starting families. It’s hard sometimes not to look around and say, “Well, where’s mine?”


#6

I spent most of my adult life feeling that way.

At 35 I began dating a wonderful man, and we married when I was 36. At 39, our son was born.

It’s impossible to know what life will bring you. :slight_smile:


#7

I used to worry that I wouldn’t get married when I wanted to do so. My idea was that I should be married at age 23 and have my first child around age 25.

Well, you know what? I was right. I didn’t manage to get married according to my timetable. I didn’t end up getting married until I was 27 and I got pregnant right away. Unfortunately that baby was stillborn so my first live born child came when I was almost 29.

But I did eventually get married. It just happened a lot latter than 20 year old me was capable of comprehending.


#8

I know exactly how you feel. What really drains me, though, is having to deal with all the people (who bear the title “Catholic”) who try to find fault with someone for seeking marriage in the first place.


#9

Harmony, you’re 20. Your punctuation doesn’t look like it and the mere fact you’re talking about this particular subject also suggests you’re ahead of your age, or at least the typical shape of a person your age, but the fact stands, you’re 20 and that’s quite young. You don’t have to worry yet.

Now, I’m just 5 years older than you are and I do worry. I’m decided to die single rather than chaining myself to the wrong person with a half-hearted marriage for the sake of it, but the fact that prospects look bleak is quite saddening. I generally have poor luck with such things.


#10

Since we live for the next life and not this one, persevere! The Gracious Lord may have it planned for you to meet your ideal mate when you are 80. Until that time, you are called to place all faith and trust in Him alone. He, Who knows everything about you, having created you, will provide for you as He sees fit. Love Him all day every day and see how He cares for you.

Christ’s peace be always with you.


#11

I felt this for many years, I even saw a girl in the hospital who’d attempted suicide over this very thing.

At 30 years old, several years after I gave up hope of ever finding someone, I got married. And I had a really difficult time of it. A lot of married people choose to have selective amnesia about what it was like when they were single and hand out easy platitudes. I don’t think married people, for the most part, are reliable sources for support in this matter.

I think the best thing to do is to look like mad for someone, using every avenue you can think of that’s not immoral or illegal, within the bounds of morality and true agapic love for another, all the while asking God if it is His will for you.

My husband isn’t Catholic, but we got married in the Catholic church and we’ve been married for many years, and, though my parents didn’t like my choice, it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. In fact, my husband’s goodness is a large factor in what drew me back to the Catholic faith.


#12

I feel like that too. I don’t want to get married though, so it’s all good :slight_smile:


#13

I met him when it seemed like I had “given up” on finding a mate and left it all in the hands of God and to His Will, then very shortly after that I met him, my future spouse!

EXACTLY! This is what happened to me. I was 27 in June of 2004, a bridesmaid at my brother’s wedding. My brother who was four year younger than me. At his wedding with no date, let alone a boyfriend. But, for some reason that night was a catalyst for me to give it up to God. I wanted to be able to enjoy the night and not feel stupid, and I did, but I also came to a quiet peace about my life. My requirements for a mate seemed impossible: God-loving man willing to wait till marriage to do ANYTHING meant only for marriage, not just sex (being Catholic was a bonus in my mind). Also someone at least willing to cooperate with my view of ABC, someone who was willing to practice NFP. Oh, and not divorced. To someone living in today’s world, who was 27 in the Midwest, this seemed literally impossible! But somehow God did lead me to peace about the whole thing.

In November of 2004, at 28, I met my husband online (match.com, if you search on the keyword Catholic it helps). He went to high school with me, one grade younger, and I never knew him. I probably walked past him how many times 10 years prior to meeting him, for three years straight, and never knew him. Not only was he God-loving, he was Catholic, a real life practicing cradel Catholic who went to Mass every Sunday, taught CCD, didn’t want to compromise our pre-marriage relationship with anything we shouldn’t (this is not to say it wasn’t a struggle though), believed in no ABC and wanted to learn about NFP, and thought he would never get married, just like me. In October of '05, at age 29, I accepted his proposal. In June of '06, I got married. In March of '07, at 30 years old, I had my first child (okay, so we got a little confused on our NFP, hadn’t planned on a child till we were at least settled for six months or so, found out the day after we got home from our 2 1/2 week honeymoon I was pregnant).

Anyway, my point is, at almost 28 years old I was “coming to terms with” the fact that I might never marry. At just over 30, I was bringing my baby home. :thumbsup:


#14

Being single SUCKS! You have no one to decompress with from the day. No one to share all your joys and happinesses and your sorrows and pains with. Yes you have friends but they are not the same. When most of your friends are married you can’t depend on them to be your support since they are now their own family. You have to be self suffuicent family and run your own household. There is no one to share the work load with. Its get tiring. And lets not lie everyone likes to feel human touch be it just holding hands, cuddling or more (well when your married ). When your single you don’t get that.

Just remember this when you’re married and you just want two seconds alone :). Just kidding, yes, those are the hardest parts I found about being single too. But remember, if it’s in God’s will that you will marry, your spouse is out there doing those things too. You guys will come together as people who have lived on their own and can do things for themselves, and it won’t seem strange to do these things still when you’re married. My best friend married at 21 and her husband is six months younger. He had never lived alone. She is AMAZED everytime I remind her that my husband still does all his own laundry, and likes to!


#15

I definitely feel that way. I have trouble finding guys I’m attracted to and share my values. It’s hard. Most of the guys I know are just way too immature to even consider dating. All they care about is keg parties and football. I’d rather be alone than settle, but I really want to find someone.


#16

Well if I ever hit 30 and I’m not married, I’m just plain giving up. Nice to hear some inspirational stories, but I doubt it happens to everyone. My parents were 23 and 25 when they got married. My grandparents were 19 and 22. Of course, my grandparents’ marriage never quite worked out, they rushed it. But my parents didn’t. I want something like my parents’, cause it’s so perfect.

The culture I was brought up with, people got married by the time they were 25. That’s what’s depressing me. Some people are fine if they get married at 35 or 40. It’s too subjective I guess.


#17

What’s really tough is when you want to remain single. Family and friends are pressuring you to date and meet people. I have friends that are trying to set me up no matter how many times I tell them not to. I’m sure some even think I’m a closet homosexual. They just can’t fathom that some people are happy alone.


#18

Oh my gosh! I’ve gotten this. I want to get married, but I don’t date very often (due to a lack of dateable young men around). I’ve been asked (by my own mother, no less) “Do you even like men?” It frustrates me, because my high standards lead me to be perceived as being “abnormal”. Whereas my brother, who was always fairly promiscuious, was seen as the “normal” one. In our sex-obsessed culture, it doesn’t occur to people that you could voluntarily remain single rather than date for the sake of dating. I miss being in a relationship, but when the alternative is a bad relationship, I’d rather be own my own. Besides if I’m not content as a person, comfortable in my own right and on my own, how could I possibly think that being with a man will somehow give me a measure of worth that I otherwise lack?


#19

Some good points, but the problem is, people aren’t necessarily happy on their ‘own’, especially once you hit your 20’s. Sure celibate people wish to offer up their single-ness as a sacrifice to God who sees it pleasing. That’s acceptable and that’s a choice.

But people were created for one another ultimately, that’s what gives us the desire. So no matter how many people say “Hey you got to be happy alone by yourself” - That’s just not going to work, if you were happy by yourself alone, then why did you get married? Which is no doubt going to bring toil? Hypocritical I think. If I was happy by myself, I wouldn’t seek a mate, neither would most people in a situation similar to ours.

I am not directing this at you of course, I was speaking in the 3rd person.


#20

Wrong - I’m fairly happy being alone. I’d probably be happier married, though, which is why I’d probably marry if I found the right partner. But if I were miserable being alone there’s no doubting I’d be just as miserable or more so were I to marry.

If you don’t have at least a certain level of contentment within yourself as a single then you’ll have nothing worthwhile to contribute to a relationship. Kinda like going into your marriage with an empty bank account rather than one that has at least a little money in it :slight_smile:


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