I can relate to a lot of things y’all have said here! I always thought that I would be married by the time I was 23. As it turned out, I was engaged in my early 20s to some one who was not very kind to me and ended up breaking the engagement shortly before our wedding date. Since then I’ve enjoyed being single quite a bit, but recently the lonliness has started to wear on me. I HATE when my married friends talk about how much they envy my “freedom”! Sure, I can do pretty much whatever I want whenever I want, but at the end of the day, I’m alone. And I have to deal with all my problems alone. There’s no one to help with the yardwork, no one to take my car to the shop and protect me from shady mechanics, no one to do the heavy lifting. I can see the benefit of learning to do all that stuff myself, and I’m proud of my independence, but it is SO very tiring sometimes!
On top of all that, I have a deep longing to be a mother. I mean, nearly every single day I feel like crying because I want to have a child so badly. Everytime one of my friends announces yet another pregnancy, I feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut. I know that sounds really selfish, and I’ve come to love many of my friends’ children and am even a Godmother to two of them, but it still hurts.
The one thing that helps me get by is my faith that God wouldn’t give me such a strong desire to be a wife and a mother without having a plan for me and my future mate. I have to believe that there is some one out there for me, but that I’m not ready (or he’s not ready) for us to know one another yet. I’ve been working on having patience and trusting in God’s timing, but it is a daily struggle.