Anyone who have refused their calling?


I’m 22 years old.

I’m being called to be a monk.

At first I thought my calling was just a wake up call, but I prayed to God to reveal if it really is a calling to a religious vocation.

Which he did. I was never religious. Never thought to myself that I would be religious. Now I’m am trying to almost everything in my power to do his will.

I feel more depressed than I have ever felt. I feel more stressed than I have ever felt. I feel more unhappy than I have ever felt. I want to obey God’s calling, but most of the time I just want to be happy. And I can tell you right now. I am not…

I don’t know what I’m really asking. I just feel guilty if I say no to God, and enjoy life the way I want to.

I hate the fact that I found my faith.

The only reason I gained faith is because of demonic possession that a family member experienced. Which to me does not make sense because If it is really the intention for a demon to not do the will of God. Then they would work behind the scenes, and not let themselves be detected. Yet they have not, and I have gained faith because of it.



I don’t know that it can be refused. I’ve heard from a priest that as much as you push it away, it will always come back stronger. What the intentions of a demon are doesn’t matter; it’s God’s will that be done.


Be at peace!

You’re probably struggling so much with this because you do not see the beauty of the religious life. You should find a spiritual director. It should be a wise and holy priest who can help you.

Next, spend some time reading about the religious life. Develop devotions to saints that were religious. Go on retreats to various monasteries. Get to know people who are religious.

Some of the happiest people I know are religious. You will see that a calling to the religious life is a life full of happiness.

I will pray for you!


Be grateful for your faith, its a great blessing. Don’t think that the demonic activity you mentioned are the source of faith. I would bet its from of the angels being there protecting you.

I thought i had been called to a religious vocation once aswell. I jumped right into it, called and bothered every priest I could find. Searched for nearby monastaries and what not. Prayed for help along the way. And Lo and behold, everything got derailed (big time). It was not my path, but i didn’t know it untill i REALLY knew it. Funny thing how callings work, i was so sure, but no :rolleyes:

Just roll with it and everything will be revealed in due time :thumbsup:


Hi VincentChristop,

I struggled with my vocation to the priesthood for a long time. I am in the midst of a struggle with the religious community I am in formation with as we speak. I am trying to discern between a possible “phase” I am going through and the actual will of God.

What you describe sounds more like an underlying, persistent unhappiness with what you presently discern to be God’s will for you. The other posters are right in urging spiritual direction; that is huge. It may be that God has offered you signs of another path and you just need an objective voice to see it, and to tell you that it is OK to follow it.

I have had three spiritual directors. Each insist that God wants me to be happy, fulfilled; joyful. It’s not about happy-happy-joy-joy. There are certainly big challenges. But there should be a good sense of peace within you that can sustain you in ministry. If, in working with a spiritual director, you find that peace to not be within you, then it may be time to start considering the possibility that God did not place it there on purpose. It may be somewhere else…somewhere you are just as needed for precisely who God made you to be.

God be with you. I hope you do bring in others to help guide you through this.


You might not actually be called to be a monk. There have been people who’ve spent months, even years in discernment only to find out that it wasn’t their calling. An online friend of mine’s mother spent eight years in a convent and was about to take her final vows before she left. She ended up being called to married life and now is a secular Carmelite with five or six children. Two of her daughters are novices discerning religious life right now. One is in her second year discerning with the Dominicans and the other spent a little over year with the Dominicans and is now in her second year of discerning with a Carmelite order.

God is inviting you to discern being a monk. I think you should look at it as an adventure, an opportunity to learn something new, experience new things, and grow closer to God.

The fact that you are stressed and depressed could mean it isn’t your call, or maybe it is but you don’t realize it yet. Find a good spiritual director and begin the discernment process. You could be called to be a monk, but you could also be called to be a priest, a brother, married life, etc. There are many paths and God is inviting you to explore just one of them. :thumbsup:


Here’s the truth: you won’t know for sure until you are on the floor professing your religious vows!

But as the others have said, please try to find a spiritual director (usually a priest/religious) who can guide you. We can’t speak to your situation very well, but he can. God bless you!


There is too much going on here for you to be so certain that you have found your vocation. You need to seek out a good spiritual director. Generally, when you recognize your vocation that discovery will not cause a sense of guilt, depression or anger. Sounds like some unresolved issues are in play here.

If you are not college bound, and are actually a bit uncertain about your vocation in general you could always try some missionary work for a while. Why not check into this at your local Archdiocese?

And remember, God gave you a free will. He will never force you to be a monk. If you desire that fine, but if you decide not to go that direction God will not disown you. We all reach forks in the road and have to make a choice in direction in our lives. None of us knows what lay ahead in any of those roads. But once we make a choice we need to forge ahead and do our best in what ever we find ourselves doing.


Maybe you feel this way because you actually don’t have a vocation to religious life.


Perhaps you don’t have the calling you think you do. Please hear me through on this. I was certain–certain–that I was called to pick up my life where I was quite content, where I had firm roots planted, and that I was supposed to go to this city I had never been to and where I didn’t know anybody in order to attend a graduate program. I was to get my Master’s degree to teach Catholicism to the world. I would have (and did) put my life on it.

In all actuality, I was called to pick up my life where I was quite content and where I had firm roots planted in order to learn a lesson in humility. The fruit of listening and following my calling, however, was meeting a wonderful man who I never expected to meet, getting married, having two beautiful babies so far, and being a stay at home mom. :eek: How could my certainty have been so wrong??

It wasn’t wrong, per ce. God looks for our willingness to live in accordance with His will. He looks for our ability to bend, to come when we are called, and to love Him. Keep your heart open even though your mind is made up. Listen, listen, listen.

This also calls to mind the wise words of my late grandfather:
The greatest pain you’ll feel in life is never picking up your cross and carrying it. It’s the festering wound you get while trying to dodge it.

Be prayerful and mindful and vigilant. God sometimes works in ways we would never expect. My prayers are with you!


Thanks everyone. All your answers helped out.

Blessed to have heard all your replies.

God bless!


OP, if any guy tells you he’s certain of his vocation before his nose hits marble or he has a ring on his finger, he has either had an extraordinary sign from God, or he hasn’t properly discerned his vocation.:shrug:

…I’ll let you work out the respective probabilities.:rolleyes:


I don’t think I’ve refused it. It seems I have some mysterious 3rd calling/vocation I need to discern. If I don’t know what it is, I can’t refuse it.


Consider, maybe, that your negative feelings surrounding it aren’t your feelings as much as they are evil forces who see your desire to become more holy and want to discourage you from it. Especially if you’ve been around a family member who has been struggling with demonic forces. I’ve noticed the closer I get to God and the Church, the unhappier I’ve been. That is, until I realized what was happening. Now I’m more determined than ever to live my life according to God’s will. Peace be with you.


Depending on your point of view, yes. Me.

I spent 4 years in the seminary and left. I was married in the church, was very active in my parish until about 6 years ago, at which time I left Catholicism for Unitarian Universalism.


My grandmother moved into the convent at the turn of the century in Italy with the intention of becoming a nun. She was to enter a contemplative order. She told me stories of how convent life was, and she was not able to live in the convent -as she put it with such high walls. She was afraid and lonely, and took initial vows.To top this off, her family was poor, and the knew of someone who would marry her and help with the family resources. Although she was called to serve Jesus, she was not called to stay in the convent. She eventually and reluctantly got married, as it helped her family.

She was able to live her life as a very devout Catholic, living her faith through example and prayer to the family and to others. I wish I was not so young when she was alive as I would have paid more attention to her experiences. She was happy, in a peaceful way, but very introspective. She was a great inspiration to all of her grandchildren.

Thank you for letting me share this-even though the situation is different for you. But in reply, yes there are many people who for one reason or another could not live a formal religious calling. But I would pray, pray and pray about this, that God leads you to tHe right people to help you live the life God wants for you to give Him glory.


I’m a 22 year old women discerning my vocation.
I’ve been told by my Spiritual Director and by others too, that where God wants us is where we feel peace.
Pray about it.
Seek Spiritual Direction.
Ask yourself the following:
Does the thought of religious life bring you peace? A sense of joy?
Do you desire it?
What vocation when I imagine it brings me thoughts of peace or happiness?

God can give us sufficient grace to live out the vocation that is right for us.

You said that God is calling you to be a monk but how do you know this is what God wants? Could it be you just feeling like it’s the right thing to do since witnessing demonic possession?

Religious life is not the right thing for most people. Most people are called to marriage and that is a holy vocation. But we can also be called to serve in other ways in the church even if we remain single.

Don’t rush into anything, pray and give thoughts about your vocation time.
The devil does try to discourage us from our path so this is why we need to constantly pray.

One of the signs vocations directors look for in individuals is DESIRE for the life. You have to be spiritually fit for the life and it must not be a huge sacrifice of yourself or your happiness. Could you live the rest of your life unhappy? How can you serve God unhappy?

Pray and give it time, seek guidance and look for the feeling of peace when considering vocations and God will give you a path.


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