Anyone who was a virgin when they were married and married a virgin too?


#1

Hi,

I’m just curious. This is not a condemnation of anyone. I am seeing comments on Catholic blogs about chastity and marriage in which people say that both them and their spouse waited until marriage for sex. I think that’s so beautiful and it’s amazing that this actually is still happening in our day and age. Is there anyone on the forum who’d be willing to share their story if they had the same experience and to answer a couple of questions.

  1. How long have you been married?
  2. How did waiting until marriage impact your honeymoon and marital satisfaction in general?
  3. Do believe your decision has reinforced and strengthened your love for each other?
  4. How did you feel when you found out your future spouse was waiting too?
  5. Did you pray that you would marry a virgin, or was it God’s surprise to you?
  6. Why did you decide to wait?
  7. How did you meet your spouse?
  8. Did you pray for your future spouse during your single life? Around what age did you begin to pray for your future spouse?
  9. Did waiting reinforce romance and trust in your marriage? Does it continue to do so?
    Thanks!

#2

Hello there!

My wife and I were virgins when we got married.

  1. Two years and some months

  2. I wish I could say waiting until marriage improved our honeymoon; but it turns out due to some complications we had to wait a while to actually consummate (a number of months!) It’s hard for me to answer your question here because I have no experience of any other situation; all I know is that my wife and I are very happy in our relationship. We personally believe that waiting until marriage strongly contributed to this; not perhaps because we were virgins, but because we’d already developed chaste lifestyles and a respect for the inextricable link between sex and marriage that allow us to express faithfulness and have a sense of comfort and security.

I guess that’s kinda the point; if you wait successfully, there is no comparison… if you don’t, there is. All I know is that what we have is great, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything else!

  1. Yes - but more so comfort and security with each other. We’re not comparing each other to past experiences, and not fighting each other for the totality of each other’s sexual desires alongside ghosts from the past.

  2. Great! I wouldn’t have married her if she wasn’t waiting - if she had made a mistake in the past, that would have been okay, but it’s the attitude rather than the unblemished state that is important. Virginity is only valuable inasmuch as it reflects a chaste state of mind, there are some unhappy virgins who would gladly shed that state without scruples given any opportunity…

  3. Nope! I just wanted to marry. Hated being single, largely because there was no legitimate outlet for sexual feelings.

  4. Because I wanted to be obedient to God.

  5. At a Bible study.

  6. Yes, though I believe I prayed rather too much and with a focus on the wrong things. God is gracious though. I can’t remember when I started; probably pretty early in high school.

  7. Yes - I think so! If you read my previous responses, trust has been a big theme, but I also think it enhances romance. It’s kinda like the difference between winning a prize for participating or winning a prize for being the best; my wife wouldn’t take just anyone, she chose me, and vice versa!

I hope that was what you were looking for! God bless.


#3
  1. How long have you been married?

Almost 30 years.

  1. How did waiting until marriage impact your honeymoon and marital satisfaction in general?

Things were quite awkward during the honeymoon.

  1. Do believe your decision has reinforced and strengthened your love for each other?

Reinforced, yes. Strengthened, no.

  1. How did you feel when you found out your future spouse was waiting too?

I was pleased.

  1. Did you pray that you would marry a virgin, or was it God’s surprise to you?

A little of both.

  1. Why did you decide to wait?

Because that’s the way we were brought up.

  1. How did you meet your spouse?

She was a temp hire at my job.

  1. Did you pray for your future spouse during your single life? Around what age did you begin to pray for your future spouse?

No, not really.

  1. Did waiting reinforce romance and trust in your marriage? Does it continue to do so?

Romance, no. Trust, yes.

Quite frankly, our sex life has never been that great in all the time we’ve been married. :frowning:


#4

Coming up on five years now.

  1. How did waiting until marriage impact your honeymoon and marital satisfaction in general?

The shared experience of having sex for the first time was… there’s not really a good word to describe it. It was great… to use and inadequate word, it was just great.

  1. Do believe your decision has reinforced and strengthened your love for each other?

Absolutely, becuase it show each of us that, while we were both very anticipatory about the marital act, it wasn’t the focus of our relationship. We really… really wanted to have sex beforehand, but both understood that we shouldn’t, and that sex shouldn’t be the basis of our relationship.

  1. How did you feel when you found out your future spouse was waiting too?

Ecstatic, I had given up on finding someone else who was willing to wait.

  1. Did you pray that you would marry a virgin, or was it God’s surprise to you?

I wasn’t much of a prayer at the time, so I guess it would count as a surprise.

  1. Why did you decide to wait?

Partially the then-remnants of belief I had, along with an innate understanding that it would hurt us more than help us.

  1. How did you meet your spouse?

We chased each other around a room for soda… anime society at our college, gotta love it :stuck_out_tongue:

  1. Did you pray for your future spouse during your single life? Around what age did you begin to pray for your future spouse?

Unfortunately, I did not.

  1. Did waiting reinforce romance and trust in your marriage? Does it continue to do so?
    Thanks!

Yes and yes.


#5
  1. 3 Years

  2. Let’s just say we figured it out, and it wasn’t too complicated.

  3. Not sure, because there is no way to compare it to a situation where we chose not to wait.

  4. Good. I felt like we were on the same page mostly.

  5. I don’t believe that God answers those kinds of prayers, so no.

  6. I was and am deeply terrified of going to hell.

  7. Met in high school, married just after graduating from college.

  8. I prayed that if I were to marry, I would marry a good woman. I don’t know if God answered this prayer or not, but I have absolutely no doubt that I married a good woman.

  9. I trust my wife 100%, and I believe she trusts me as well. There is a distinct lack of heaviness or baggage in our relationship that I believe is due to little prior involvement with other people.

I was also not involved with porn or other stuff like that, and I think this has made our life very different from those of many of my peers. I feel that it is incredibly easy to get along with my wife, and we struggle very infrequently with each other. I wouldn’t trade what we have now for any amount of sexual experiences with any amount of other women. That thought strikes me as ridiculous in fact.

Before I got married, my friends knew I was a virgin and said stuff like “How can you marry the only person you’re ever going to sleep with?? That’s crazy!!” or “Awww, how sweet you little cutie pie babies!” or “You’re going to regret not having any experience,” etc. I’ll admit that these thoughts bothered me at the time. But, about 3-4 months into our marriage I realized that my friends/peers were absolutely mistaken, and I have no regrets whatsoever.

I like to think of it this way: if God’s law and plan for marriage and family is really just a bunch of BS, chances are you’ll figure it out eventually, then you can get divorced and sleep with whoever will have you.

But, if God’s law and plan for marriage are the true way to happiness, you’ll blow it big time if you don’t wait. Even if God forgives you, you’ll never have a chance to regain what you’ve lost, and you’ll never know the happiness that you might have had if you had chosen to wait.

You have many chances to blow it, but only one chance to get it right.

Hope that helps.


#6
  1. 28 years
  2. Yes waiting is God’s plan and it works
  3. Yes
  4. husband was a second time virgin, before his return to his Catholic faith, he fell with one girl but when I met him, that was over 10+ years and had remained chaste since then
  5. we waited because we knew it was God’s plan
  6. at a singles retreat, he was visiting a friend
  7. I’m not sure if I specifically prayed, I think my hopes and ideas were prayers.
  8. I think waiting as well as following NFP works very well.

#7

Hi!

I want to say thank you to everyone who contributed to my questions here! I have read each and every post. It means so much to me and it’s really helpful! So, again, thank you! And whoever has seen my questions and hasn’t posted yet, please keep 'em coming! :slight_smile:

Have any of you ladies heard of the Happy Wives Club? I have not read everything on the website, and I’m not sure if they are Catholic specifically. But they are Christians and have great suggestions about how to maintain the marital friendship and the romantic aspects of marriage. They even have a post from a Happy Husband!

God bless all of you!


#8

Dear LostSheep,

I appreciate that you were honest and that you took the time to answer my questions. I am very sorry to hear about this:

I think that God wants you and your wife to enjoy each other! I actually have heard of some books that may promote your enjoyment in that department. I have not read them myself, but they’re Catholic-Christian books. Sorry if this is awkward, I just felt called to let you know about these resources.

  1. Holy Sex! by Dr. Gregory Popcak

  2. Good News about Sex and Marriage by Christopher West I’d also recommend Theology of the Body for Beginners by the same author, Christopher West (currently reading this – it is so amazing!)

  3. Men, Women and the Mystery of Love: Practical Insights from John Paul II’s Love and Responsibility by Edward Sri

  4. This one’s a website. Happy Wives Club. I know you’re not the wife. But the website gives advice that both spouses can use (and it’s not just about the marital embrace – it’s about emotional intimacy and just being thoughtful in daily life)

I hope you do decide to take these suggestions to heart! God bless you!


#9

No offense taken. Thanks. :slight_smile:


#10

No problem, I only shared because I know there are a number of people out there that have made moral mistakes in the past and lost their virginity but have turned their lives around and are now living moral lives. I only shared because I wanted to give hope to those people, male and female that God forgives sin and one can get back on the right track morally and have a happy marriage as well even if they are no longer virgins.


#11

Amen! I am sure that your encouragement will bear fruit! :slight_smile:


#12

One of the Catholic magazines I read did a article on marriage and the family and they had responses on various aspects…one of the respondents gave an answer that pretty much said that no one is a virgin anymore!

I am still single and virgin (and 42) and plan on staying this way until I say “I do”. I just hope that if it is God’s will for me to get married, that he will be too.


closed #13

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