Anything objectively immoral about these?

i see many families up in arms when children wish to marry someone of a different ethnicity, or from different socioeconomic background, different age etC…

i relize that parents’ consent is not necessarily requires for marriage and sometimes, honestly, some reasons for not wanting to marry someone are just trivial. of course there can be legitimate concerns, such as difference in faith or notice of potentially bad behaviour.

but really, nothing wrong with a rich guy marrying a poor girl for example, or different ethnicities, that i have no issues with, and i don’t realy know why so many people do

but what about a significant age difference? say, of those rare circumstances of an 80 year old marrying a 20 year old or something like that. i guess, objectively, it’s not wrong. but i guess, to me, it would just feel a bit strange, that person might as well be my grandfather.

i don’t know, just musing, i suppose

I also have a discomfort over marrying someone who is way older. I’d want someone closer in age, so there won’t be that misunderstanding due to a different time of growing up. I guess that kind of goes with people of different backgrounds. There would be different expectations going into the marriage. Like, a man may have been brought up to believe that it’s the woman’s job to pick up after him. But the woman may have the mind set that since he is a big boy, he can clean up after himself. :shrug:

A priest could refuse to perform a wedding if he has grave concerns. The situation of an 80 year old marrying a 20 year old would be a serious enough for the priest to require increased scrutiny regarding both party’s intentions, mental capacity, and maturity before he would permit such a union to take place.

Don’t worry, they are still led to believe that they don’t need to pick up after themselves. Nothing will change until mothers change. LOL

I suppose, but theoretically, it’s not eally immoral, is it?

also, the same argument can be made, and probably has been made in the past for the other examples I gave. which I don’t necessarily agree with

I don’t tink we would be ok with priests refusing to perform a wedding for two people ow different skin colour, or if one was rich or poor.

though the age thing, it’s more intergenerational weirdness than anything else

If I was the eighty year old I don’t think I’d have a problem with it.

and I wouldn’t question the maturity of an eighty year old…

Let’s take this piece by piece.

First of all, we are unique so just because you have no issues does not mean other people will and do have issues. Part of life is growing to understand this basis fact.

Second, people come from various backgrounds, ethnicities, and traditions. Some cultures indoctrinate their members that “other” is suspicious, whatever other is. If you want to call that ignorance or prejudice, that is your call. However realize that we are influenced by our child rearing. Even if people try to avoid this way of thinking it can take work because of being so well ingrained in us.

Third, parents have lived longer and have seen first hand that couples that are “different” – different ethnicities, age differences, social and economic status, etc – can and have encountered problems and challenges, Depending on the society these can range to legal discrimination in housing, employment, to social shunning. Some parents legitimately do not want to see their children suffer.

Fourth, when studied over the long term, couples that have more in common have a better chance of successfully remaining together than those who come from different backgrounds. Opposites may indeed attract, but in the long haul these couples have to work harder to find compromise and work things out.

Five, these differences do come up and do not have to be has dramatic as an 80 year old with a 20 year old. Poor people and rich people DO often have different views of saving and spending. People who have strong family ties to those who do not. Introverts vs extroverts. These examples just go to show that there are always challenges when two people get together.

Six, I hope this helps in giving you some insights why these things can be concern for families. In fact, if your family feels the way you do may in fact 'be problematic" to a potential husband’s family who do think differences are important. How are you going to deal with that? Because you will at some point.


Well, with respect to the 80 year old, there may be a problem (may, not for sure) with him marrying anybody:

§1. Antecedent and perpetual impotence to have intercourse, whether on the part of the man or the woman, whether absolute or relative, nullifies marriage by its very nature.

Code of Canon Law, section 1084:

How do you propose a sacrament can be immoral? :confused:

Not a 60 year age difference here, but 18 years. Technically, husband is old enough to be my father. He is very close in age to my youngest aunt.

While our marriage has been rocky from time to time, the age difference was never the cause.

I’ve met another couple where the husband is about 20 years younger than his wife. He adores her and treats her like a queen. I don’t know them well, but I know the extended family, so I know money wasn’t involved.

I certainly wouldn’t have minded had my husband been wealthy. :smiley:

That’s why men invented the magic little blue pill which is covered under the ACA, OF COURSE!

I know several couples who married late in life, and while I haven’t asked about their sex lives, it seems probable that sex is not a big part of it. So even tho they were married in the Church, their marriages might not be valid?

And what about impotence (due to health) after marriage? Does that make the marriage invalid after the fact?

How do you check this out? He’s not going to know until he gets into bed with her. And he can’t get into bed with her until he’s married. But he can’t get married unless we know he can consummate the marriage. But we won’t know if he can consummate the marriage until he gets into bed with her. But he can’t get into bed with her…

Rinse and repeat.
Back then it was customary to see if your wife-to-be could become pregnant before you married her.

Advanced age per se will not be a bar. Should one be unaware of impotence, then that also cannot be a bar. There is no need to establish that the husband can consummate.

Whether marriages in these instances are moral would likely depend on the intentions of the parties. If the intentions are good, it is difficult to see any basis to suspect immorality. The judgement of the parties may of course be suspect.


I know your post is somewhat tongue in cheek, but It is not necessary for a man to “get into bed” with woman to know if he is capable of engaging in the marital act.

I realise that. But, unless I’m mistaken (and this is just from personal experience), before the ‘proof’ is obtained, he is going to have to use his imagination in a way that might be considered lustful.

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