Appropriate behavior for a Seminarian - Opinions?


#1

Hi There,

I’m beginning as a novice with the Dominicans in Sept and I thought I would start this thread out of curiosity to see what people think about what behavior is appropriate for a priest-in-training when dealing with the opposite sex.

I have heard of seminarians dating and I know this is unacceptable.
I have my own ideas and I would consider myself on the conservative end of the spectrum.

I am just throwing this out there to see what people think is acceptable or prudent.

Thanks

:smiley:

God Bless


#2

[quote="AdamPeter, post:1, topic:294346"]
Hi There,

I'm beginning as a novice with the Dominicans in Sept and I thought I would start this thread out of curiosity to see what people think about what behavior is appropriate for a priest-in-training when dealing with the opposite sex.

I have heard of seminarians dating and I know this is unacceptable.
I have my own ideas and I would consider myself on the conservative end of the spectrum.

I am just throwing this out there to see what people think is acceptable or prudent.

Thanks

:D

God Bless

[/quote]

He should treat all women and girls as he would his sisters and his mother - with respect, friendship, and all courtesy.


#3

Is it dating-dating, or just going out for a meal with a friend who happens to be female?


#4

Buddy - if you are entering formation with the Dominicans then after your novitiate you will be making simple vows.

You role right now is to live as if your ARE a Domincan in order to see if there is mutual agreement between you and the community, about you BEING a Domincan friar.

Your number one relationship is your community.

Dating would not be a good sign that you are fit for the community:p

Your novice master will no doubt appraise you of the requirements ;)

Bottom line: you will be learning to live according to the Rule. Does St. Dominic allow dating?:shrug:


#5

[quote="AdamPeter, post:1, topic:294346"]
Hi There,

I'm beginning as a novice with the Dominicans in Sept and I thought I would start this thread out of curiosity to see what people think about what behavior is appropriate for a priest-in-training when dealing with the opposite sex.

I have heard of seminarians dating and I know this is unacceptable.
I have my own ideas and I would consider myself on the conservative end of the spectrum.

I am just throwing this out there to see what people think is acceptable or prudent.

Thanks

:D

God Bless

[/quote]

Well, according to some priests I've spoken to (diocesan), the seminaries they went to encouraged them to date while in the seminary. It had something to do with discernment, I think. I can't quite remember.

-Byrnwiga


#6

AdamPeter is not going into a seminary, he's going into a religious house of formation.

A seminary is for secular (ie., diocesan) priests.

The OP is joining a community (OP :))

He is becoming a friar, a brother. He will be expected to live as a member of the religious community.

When I was in novitiate I missed two of my brothers weddings, and my grandfather's funeral. The community was my family and my focus, and the Rule was my way of life.


#7

Billy Graham made it an inflexible rule never to be alone with a member of the opposite sex during his ministry. Very hard to fault that.


#8

[quote="triumphguy, post:6, topic:294346"]
He's not going into a seminary, he's going into a religious house of formation.

A seminary is for secular (ie., diocesan) priests.

The OP is joining a community (OP :))

He is becoming a friar, a brother. He will be expected to live as a member of the religious community.

I

[/quote]

Thank you.

OP - I see what you did there... :D

Also please allow me to clarify:

I myself am aware of the rules of my Order. I Know I am expected to be celibate and have been living in such a manner for some time.

My question was more in relation to general behavior.

I merely mentioned dating as I do know some seminarians apparently do this. I don't particularly think it's a good idea for a potential priest.


#9

[quote="DaveBj, post:3, topic:294346"]
Is it dating-dating, or just going out for a meal with a friend who happens to be female?

[/quote]

My own personal view is that even this would possibly be not a good thing.
Unless it's with a group of friends or something.

I just want to see what people think...


#10

[quote="AdamPeter, post:8, topic:294346"]
Thank you.

OP - I see what you did there... :P

Also please allow me to clarify:

I myself am aware of the rules of my Order. I Know I am expected to be celibate and have been living in such a manner for some time.

My question was more in relation to general behavior.

I merely mentioned dating as I do know some seminarians apparently do this. I don't particularly think it's a good idea for a potential priest.

[/quote]

Thanks for the clarification. I was presuming you weren't quite sure what to expect which is why I was being quite heavy handed with my answers.

The only women I met when I was in novitiate (for the OFMs) were the nuns in the kitchen (it was also a retreat house), and some people after mass. Polite distance is the best. You are not there to make friends.

Depending on the house of formation you may meet no women whatsoever.

Novitiate is quite intense.

We had prayer and study in the morning, followed by noon mass. Then lunch and physical work in the forest around the house in the afternoons. Evenings were community oriented or more study and group discussion with the novice master. The Office was said throughout the day.

When I went to the study house for theology I met more women who were also taking courses at the Theology School.

If you have struggles with chastity during novitiate bring it up with your spiritual director (who may or may not be your novice master).

Be aware, as a young religious not yet in permanent vows you will/may be seen as a legitimate mate by many women. Do not let that turn your head.


#11

[quote="AdamPeter, post:9, topic:294346"]
My own personal view is that even this would possibly be not a good thing.
Unless it's with a group of friends or something.

I just want to see what people think...

[/quote]

:confused: AP during novitiate you will not be going out with a group of friends.

Your life will be the community.


#12

[quote="triumphguy, post:10, topic:294346"]
Thanks for the clarification. I was presuming you weren't quite sure what to expect which is why I was being quite heavy handed with my answers.

The only women I met when I was in novitiate (for the OFMs) were the nuns in the kitchen (it was also a retreat house), and some people after mass. Polite distance is the best. You are not there to make friends.

Depending on the house of formation you may meet no women whatsoever.

Novitiate is quite intense.

We had prayer and study in the morning, followed by noon mass. Then lunch and physical work in the forest around the house in the afternoons. Evenings were community oriented or more study and group discussion with the novice master. The Office was said throughout the day.

When I went to the study house for theology I met more women who were also taking courses at the Theology School.

If you have struggles with chastity during novitiate bring it up with your spiritual director (who may or may not be your novice master).

Be aware, as a young religious not yet in permanent vows you will/may be seen as a legitimate mate by many women. Do not let that turn your head.

[/quote]

Thanks fo the thorough reply.

In relation to the last part of your answer about potentially being "targeted" by women. This is something that I find well, curious. (and a little disturbing)

We do spend three years in a secular college where I think we don't wear our habits due to college rules.


#13

[quote="triumphguy, post:11, topic:294346"]
:confused: AP during novitiate you will not be going out with a group of friends.

Your life will be the community.

[/quote]

I am aware of this. I'm not just speaking of novice year alone...


#14

[quote="AdamPeter, post:13, topic:294346"]
I am aware of this. I'm not just speaking of novice year alone...

[/quote]

Phew!:p

Bottom line: It's going to be up to your formation director, and to the vicar (or equivilent in the OPs) of your community what you do in your spare time.

As a Franciscan we had to ask permission to leave the house, and had to ask for money if we needed any. It may be different for the OPs.

Many communal living decisions were left to the the house chapter on Saturdays. Again it may be different for the OPs.

However, no one here can say what you may or may not. or should or should not do during your formation.

You will be under obedience and you will be a member of the community.


#15

[quote="triumphguy, post:14, topic:294346"]
Phew!:p

Bottom line: It's going to be up to your formation director, and to the vicar (or equivilent in the OPs) of your community what you do in your spare time.

As a Franciscan we had to ask permission to leave the house, and had to ask for money if we needed any. It may be different for the OPs.

Many communal living decisions were left to the the house chapter on Saturdays. Again it may be different for the OPs.

However, no one here can say what you may or may not. or should or should not do during your formation.

You will be under obedience and you will be a member of the community.

[/quote]

We get a stipend each week/month in terms of cash. I assume the Bursar is in charge of this.

The Prior is in charge of the Community but the novices are overseen by the Novice Master.

I'm not sure about permission to leave the house. I believe we are free to come and go in periods of free time and there are some times when we have to leave to do pastoral work.

We also live next to a very large church and will attend mass there every morning.

We chant the morning, midday and evening and night prayers as a community.


#16

[quote="triumphguy, post:6, topic:294346"]
AdamPeter is not going into a seminary, he's going into a religious house of formation.

[/quote]

Okay, I figured there was a difference. :o :blush:

-Byrnwiga


#17

I did stay with a group of Franciscans last year while discerning and they struck me as being a lot more closed than the Dominicans.

I think it takes a certain type of person to live that vocation...

:)


#18

In any case...please keep me in your prayers as I start off as a new Novice in September.

:)

Thanks & God bless


#19

[quote="AdamPeter, post:9, topic:294346"]
My own personal view is that even this would possibly be not a good thing.
Unless it's with a group of friends or something.

I just want to see what people think...

[/quote]

It should be fine to eat a meal with a friend who happens to be female. It's not a date if your'e just friends.


#20

[quote="ChibiViolet, post:19, topic:294346"]
It should be fine to eat a meal with a friend who happens to be female. It's not a date if your'e just friends.

[/quote]

I would disagree.

It gives the wrong idea about someone who is supposed to be living in a certain manner.


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