I have been thinking about something but wherever I’ve asked this, I’ve never got a straight answer (I haven’t asked this here, by the way)
I’m not saying that every single arranged marriage is miserable or anything, but something has made me ponder regarding strictly arranged marriages where the partners did not have any (or much of a) say in choosing one another or did not see each other til the wedding day or night.
Our society (well, many a few other societies), no matter what the era in history was, necessitates the need for physical attraction, and various levels of intimacy: whether it be sex, or “peripheral” acts of love like kisses, embraces, and cuddling. A lot of our hunger for a relationship lies in desires for this kind of fulfillment. That should not be the only basis for marrying someone, but by the same token, if this attraction is not there at all, it is a problem. The overwhelming majority of songs written in any era are to do with romantic love, or emptiness from missing someone they love, etc. I’m not talking about today’s stuff on the radio with crude sexual inuendos and stuff, lol. I’m talking about classic songs, from all genres and classic artists, etc.
I wonder how people who are in marriages in which they did not marry for love but had their spouses chosen by someone else, deal with the inability to receive intimacy from their spouse in the way we receive it. If the marriages are loveless (I’m not trying to generalize but anyway), what does one do when you want sexual love and the other peripheral acts of intimacy but the only spouse you have is someone you don’t really love?
People have said that they had arranged marriages and it worked out just fine, but what about the ones that did NOT work out fine? I’m a very affectionate person. I long for someone who I can yearn to come home to every day, and sit on the couch and cuddle and kiss and laugh together…how can I get that with a spouse I don’t feel anything for? I’m starving to “death” without that kind of desire fulfilled.
Some people who advocate this kind of marriage may say that chemistry “dies” over time anyway, so there are other factors to consider (well of COURSE there are many other factors to consider…but love is definitely an ingredient one needs too…it’s like a cake without eggs…Ok I know some of you may eat cake without eggs)
Maybe it’s just me but I wonder about this all the time…but as I said before, I never get a straight answer…