Are Catholic women just as materialistic as secular women?


#1

I can't help but wonder about this question. Before going back to school, I had a stable, good-paying, professional job with great work-life balance. Back then, I had no trouble attracting women, Catholic and secular alike. I quit that job to go back to school. Now that I'm back in school, I suddenly find that I'm no longer as sought after as before. Is it because women now see me as just another poor student?

Personally, I think Catholic women may be more so than others, since they tend to look for men who will be good providers, so that they can stay home with the children. Of course, that's a big generalization, but nonetheless, that's the sense I get.

So as you can see, I have a dilemma. I am someone who's currently unemployed, but with a great earning potential in the future once I finish school in about a year. I don't want to talk about salary numbers, but let's just say I'll be in a whole different tax bracket than when I first started school. It's not something that I would - or want to - communicate to women that I may be interested in, since that would attract the wrong type of women, but I just thought - however naively - that Catholic women would be different or better than the other women out there in that regard.

Guess I was wrong.


#2

I would say there's probably a pretty wide range across pretty much any group of women. Some are going to be more materialistic and some less so. There's also going to be a wide range of tolerance when it comes to what a person needs in their life to feel secure.

However I'd say quite a few of us make it work on very little (especially these days). I'm not sure that that necessarily makes a person less materialistic... but I do know it can help (as can having more people in a small space, where you start to really realize what the word "necessity" means).

I have a feeling this thread has the potential to get pretty interesting though... :popcorn:


#3

[quote="BadTurkey, post:1, topic:235039"]
I can't help but wonder about this question. Before going back to school, I had a stable, good-paying, professional job with great work-life balance. Back then, I had no trouble attracting women, Catholic and secular alike. I quit that job to go back to school. Now that I'm back in school, I suddenly find that I'm no longer as sought after as before. Is it because women now see me as just another poor student?

Personally, I think Catholic women may be more so than others, since they tend to look for men who will be good providers, so that they can stay home with the children. Of course, that's a big generalization, but nonetheless, that's the sense I get.

So as you can see, I have a dilemma. I am someone who's currently unemployed, but with a great earning potential in the future once I finish school in about a year. I don't want to talk about salary numbers, but let's just say I'll be in a whole different tax bracket than when I first started school. It's not something that I would - or want to - communicate to women that I may be interested in, since that would attract the wrong type of women, but I just thought - however naively - that Catholic women would be different or better than the other women out there in that regard.

Guess I was wrong.

[/quote]

What do you mean when you say materialistic?
Its a negative term you know.
It, by definition means someone who is too attached to money and possessions.
A woman who wants an established man before she starts having children is something else, its called seeking to be responsible and secure.

I myself always only dated guys who were poor. I have started to think that it was unwise to let myself have feelings for persons who probably couldn't take care of wife and children at any point.

You sound just fine.. being under education is not bad at all.. provided a woman thinks you will finish it, which it seems you will.
What concerns me more than your negative accusary tone is the fact that you talk about women in generel. Are you vain? Do you want to have attention for the sake of the attention?
You need only one lady, not 5 or 10. Right? :)


#4

I can't speak for all Catholic Woman, but as a Married Catholic Woman I can tell you this. There are plenty of Catholic Woman who are more concerned with the true "needs" of a family, than they are materialistic.

When my husband and I got married, he was working on a farm for Min. Wage as a hired farm hand. We didn't have a lot but we had everything we needed and we had each other. Then we had 4 children, he was then working at a factory. Again we had everything we needed, not lots of extras, but it didn't matter. We were a happy family. (something today society has lost.)

Now years later, our 4 children are grown and we have 13 grandchildren. It's wonderful to see our Grown children, their spouses and grandchildren have "family values".

In todays world being materialistic can be a problem, for many famlies. Our children grew up with family values, we did family things together (and even when we could afford the materialistic things, we choose not to.) In other words we didn't keep up with the neighbors, our kids didn't have name brand clothes or shoes.

Today we own a small Trucking Company, again we aren't materialistic. We don't have brand new cars, nor do we live in a newer house. We still have the same house, built in the early 1800's with no eltricity or plumbing in it. Yes it has those things now. :) And just two weeks ago, after many years of the internet, I went from dial up to wireless. :thumbsup: but only for the reason I could dispatch Trucks easier.

There are plenty of Catholic Woman out there who are not materialistic. You just have to look in the right places. Try a small Country Catholic Church....you'd be amazed at how simple those Catholic Woman are. Sure we want a safe home, loving husband, father to our children, and a family that prays and plays together. In our small Country Catholic Church we have doctors and lawyers ect. But the values are simple and no one there is materialistic. We are just simple small home town country folks.

If you live in a big city, when you get down with school, move to a smaller town. Find a smaller Catholic Church.......you'll find the kind of Catholic lady you're looking for there.

By the way I'm not knocking the big Catholic Churchs or the big cities, but I did live in a big city more than once. It's harder to get to know people in the Church.....there's so many and in a Big City, people are so busy, it's a face paced life style. So it could be why he's not finding the lady he's looking for.


#5

BadTurkey: 1)probably 2)Its only natural to be more attracted to a person with a good job and promising future.There's nothing wrong in this.Catholic women may be more discerning than non Catholics but in your case there its probably because there are fewer of them.Catholic women should seek higher values than others.both spiritually and materialistic since it does take money to live in this society.


#6

[quote="BadTurkey, post:1, topic:235039"]
Personally, I think Catholic women may be more so than others, since they tend to look for men who will be good providers, so that they can stay home with the children. Of course, that's a big generalization, but nonetheless, that's the sense I get.

[/quote]

Catholic women are more materialistic because they want to stay home with their children? :rolleyes:

I think you might need to define what you mean by materialistic. Seeking a man who is a good provider does not make a woman materialistic.

Personally, I think a man looking to further his education is attractive, provided that he has a plan for the future. Are you also working while you're in school? It might be that you are just spending your time in different places now, and with different people...where did you meet all these women before?


#7

[quote="BadTurkey, post:1, topic:235039"]
I can't help but wonder about this question. Before going back to school, I had a stable, good-paying, professional job with great work-life balance. Back then, I had no trouble attracting women, Catholic and secular alike. I quit that job to go back to school. Now that I'm back in school, I suddenly find that I'm no longer as sought after as before. Is it because women now see me as just another poor student?

Personally, I think Catholic women may be more so than others, since they tend to look for men who will be good providers, so that they can stay home with the children. Of course, that's a big generalization, but nonetheless, that's the sense I get.

So as you can see, I have a dilemma. I am someone who's currently unemployed, but with a great earning potential in the future once I finish school in about a year. I don't want to talk about salary numbers, but let's just say I'll be in a whole different tax bracket than when I first started school. It's not something that I would - or want to - communicate to women that I may be interested in, since that would attract the wrong type of women, but I just thought - however naively - that Catholic women would be different or better than the other women out there in that regard.

Guess I was wrong.

[/quote]

I'm getting pretty sick of seeing threads about women.......I find most of them to be sexist, belittling, and degrading towards women.


#8

[quote="BadTurkey, post:1, topic:235039"]
I can't help but wonder about this question. Before going back to school, I had a stable, good-paying, professional job with great work-life balance. Back then, I had no trouble attracting women, Catholic and secular alike. I quit that job to go back to school. Now that I'm back in school, I suddenly find that I'm no longer as sought after as before. Is it because women now see me as just another poor student?

[/quote]

Or could it just be that you are in a different setting now and meeting women that are not looking to date in the same way you are? Could it be that you may be older than the women in your classes? Really, do you think women have some kind of radar and are on to the fact that you once had a good-paying, professional job and now do not?

May be it has nothing to do with them being Catholic or "materialistic" or not and more to do with this being a different time and place for you in your life. Finish school and stop worrying about why you are not attracting women now--perhaps it is a blessing from God for this time in your life. :)


#9

Just curious -- where are you looking? If you are looking amongst women who are already out in the world, they may feel that as a student, you are still finding your way in the world and that you won't be ready for a commitment any time soon.

If you are looking amongst other student, THEY may still be finding their way and THEY are not ready for a real commitment.

For me, well, my husband was a student when we met. He had returned to get a graduate degree (He had a really good job between undergrad & grad school, but left it to further his education full time). When we met, he had NO money -- it was his last semester in grad school and he had used all his saved money on tuition and rent. He was waiting tables at night and barely had enough to cover his bills. (I remember rolling coins to get enough money together to order a pizza!)

However, at that time I was in my last semester of undergrad...I was also broke and just getting ready to begin the next phase of life. We are 6 years apart in age, but we found we had a lot in common because, among other things, we were in a similar stage of life. If he had never left his job, I doubt we would have dated, even if somehow we had met. He probably would have been ready to marry and settle down, buy a home, etc as he would be 5 years into a successful career, and I was just starting out (He was 27, I was 21).

I also wonder if women his age would have looked at him as a bad catch -- just starting out, broke, at 27. But I saw his past history of a successful, good job, a desire and love for education, a willingness to work hard and bravery in starting over at that point!

I guess the moral of the story is that it's not that there's anything WRONG with the women you're meeting per se....it's just that you haven't met the RIGHT one yet. Hang in there, she's out there!


#10

I don't think there is anything wrong with a woman wanting a husband who will be likely to provide for their future family. When I was dating (not a practicing Catholic at the time) I had a very specific list of requirements for guys I was dating. I never told anyone, it was just internal, so I didn't like, outright reject guys for not fitting those requirements:

  1. Either in college or have a decent paying job.
  2. Has a car.
  3. Has either no debt, or only car or school debt.

Of course I had other requirements (like not being a jerk) but those were the financially-related ones. I don't think I'd be quite so stringent if I could do it all over again, but I have to say my strategy did work. We aren't rich by any means, but we are debt-free other than our mortgage, and I am able to stay home with our daughter. Which is all I ever wanted out of life!

I really wouldn't take it personally, especially since from your description you are doing a good job of planning for your future. There is a difference between being materialistic and being a pragmatist. A guy who is planning for his future and avoiding debt is likely to take just as good care of other aspects of his life. Someone who has it together is attractive, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.


#11

1) Is is possible that women are less attracted to you because of your current status? Yes, it's possible. But you can't be sure what they're thinking unless they tell you, so isn't it best not to assume the worst?

2) To the posters who talk about men being good providers...the OP is exhibiting the traits of a good provider. Since the OP is currently single and childless, it seems wise of him to take a short-term earnings decrease for the likely potential of a better future.


#12

[quote="BadTurkey, post:1, topic:235039"]
I can't help but wonder about this question. Before going back to school, I had a stable, good-paying, professional job with great work-life balance. Back then, I had no trouble attracting women, Catholic and secular alike. I quit that job to go back to school. Now that I'm back in school, I suddenly find that I'm no longer as sought after as before. Is it because women now see me as just another poor student?

Personally, I think Catholic women may be more so than others, since they tend to look for men who will be good providers, so that they can stay home with the children. Of course, that's a big generalization, but nonetheless, that's the sense I get.

So as you can see, I have a dilemma. I am someone who's currently unemployed, but with a great earning potential in the future once I finish school in about a year. I don't want to talk about salary numbers, but let's just say I'll be in a whole different tax bracket than when I first started school. It's not something that I would - or want to - communicate to women that I may be interested in, since that would attract the wrong type of women, but I just thought - however naively - that Catholic women would be different or better than the other women out there in that regard.

Guess I was wrong.

[/quote]

First of all, pardon me for saying this, but you need to concentrate on school and not worry about girlfriends right now. Finish your education. Maybe God is calling you to be focused on your studies?

Secondly, I can't speak for Catholic women in general, because who knows what the next person is thinking, but I can answer for me. I would date someone in school, but you're saying that you don't tell anyone what you're going to school for. So basically, you're a jobless student, and you haven't shared your aspirations with your potential girlfriends. What is she supposed to think? If you would communicate to women what you are donging, you will attract not only the "wrong type" that you are trying to avoid, but you would also be attracting someone who is willing to wait for you to get out of school and start working. Women don't want to marry someone without any hopes or aspirations for the future. At least I don't. I want to marry someone responsible, who is willing to help provide for a future family, who has hopes and aspirations for himself and his future family. By not sharing your hopes and aspirations, you're eliminating someone who is looking for you.

Just MOHO....


#13

[quote="Havard, post:11, topic:235039"]
1) Is is possible that women are less attracted to you because of your current status? Yes, it's possible. But you can't be sure what they're thinking unless they tell you, so isn't it best not to assume the worst?

2) To the posters who talk about men being good providers...the OP is exhibiting the traits of a good provider. Since the OP is currently single and childless, it seems wise of him to take a short-term earnings decrease for the likely potential of a better future.

[/quote]

I don't know to what extent the OP says he doesn't "communicate" with his potential girlfriends. But if he's not telling them his hopes and aspirations, how are they going to know he's exhibiting the traits of a good provider? I can understand him not wanting to attract a gold digger, but he's not going to attract someone looking for a good provider either if he doesn't share with them what he's up to...


#14

[quote="Rence, post:13, topic:235039"]
I don't know to what extent the OP says he doesn't "communicate" with his potential girlfriends. But if he's not telling them his hopes and aspirations, how are they going to know he's exhibiting the traits of a good provider? I can understand him not wanting to attract a gold digger, but he's not going to attract someone looking for a good provider either if he doesn't share with them what he's up to...

[/quote]

Given how open he was in sharing that with us, I wouldn't assume he's keeping it a secret to women he's actually interested in... perhaps he could confirm this if it'd help.


#15

BadTurkey, your present situation has the blessing that a woman attracted to you at this point might be more interested in you as a person, than in your earning potential. And you only need one good woman to take interest in you. You don't really lose anything important if those women who are only interested in your "earning potential" and "ability to provide" are no longer interested in you.

You want a woman who sees you and loves you as person, not someone who sees and loves a paycheck, and maybe tolerates the person attached with that paycheck. :p I've read somewhere that Anna Nicole Smith who married the 80-y.o billionaire was a wise woman, because she really sought out someone with a good ability to provide. :D

When we entered graduate school, this is what happened to a good friend of mine. He was a good business person, and always made a lot of money. Then, he entered grad school and suddenly his income dwindled almost 10-fold. His fiancee promptly broke up with him. He felt devastated first, but pretty soon he realized it was better this way. :p Then, he started to date and eventually married another girl from grad school, someone who was just as poor as he was at this point. Today, some 17 years later, things worked out pretty well for him. He has a wife who loved him for whom he was, not for his paycheck or "ability to provide", they have 2 children, and he has a good job and makes good money again.

But it can only take a traffic accident or unforeseen illness, and "good providers" can become poor. We should never forget that. My friend, who today is considered again a "good provider", at least has the peace of mind that he married a woman who loved him and didn't despise him while he was poor and a "poor provider". He has a wife who loved him then, and loves him now. He never even mentions his former fiancee who wanted to marry him while he made good money, but dumped him when he started to make little money. I doubt it that he would think of her, or miss her at all. :thumbsup:

I would say, BadTurkey, give thanks to God that the leeches are not interested in you. Enjoy your freedom and ask God to send you a good wife who will be interested in BadTurkey, not BadTurkey's Money! :D


#16

That is what I was thinking, that perhaps you may have been attracting the wrong types of girls in the beginning when you had the flashy job (which is why you are still single possibly) and you will meet the right girl in the future. I can only tell you that when you meet the right girl, it won't matter what job you have or where you are at in life, it will only matter that you two were brought together at that moment to realize you were meant to be together :)


#17

Just to clarify, the only thing that I do not communicate to the woman is how much I make or will be making.


#18

I have a job. Manageable debt from school and car. I have health insurance, life insurance, fully vested 401K, dental and vision as well as free travel benefits. I am only 23 years old. I am responsible for the lives of 2,000-3,000 people each day I work. I am one of the youngest in the whole industry that I am in. Pay is ok for a first job. It increases every year with longevity until I have experience for a bigger company that tops out close to six figures.

However, I work four ten hour shifts each week that shift between AM, PM, swing and midnight every week. When I am not working, I am currently commuting back and forth across country between home and work. I am young so the commute thing is understandable. I will likely stop commuting and move to where I work when I get married.

Women dont treat me any different. They see me sitting in the cockpit of aircraft when I commute home but since I am not a pilot and have no uniform they might not even know I have a job other than my work badge. Most people in general dont know what dispatch does. I do wonder what girls would think when I told them my stories about jumpseating on all these aircraft in the cockpit. Last night, I had a blast on UPS sitting in a Boeing 757 cockpit.

Women love pilots though I tell ya. Even the regional airline guys that only make 20-30K a year have women all over them. I think sometimes when a flight takes a long time to block out its because they are flirting with some of the women or flight attendants :p.

So guys, maybe you should take flight lessons at your local airport and become a pilot. Women go gaga over pilots no matter how much or little they make.

So to be honest, I dont have a lot of time to actually put myself out there. Maybe my status will have changed once I actively try to find someone. But Im just sayin a job isnt automatic especially if it isnt a well known career regardless of how important and involved the job is.


#19

[quote="JoeofCupertino, post:18, topic:235039"]
I have a job. Manageable debt from school and car. I have health insurance, life insurance, fully vested 401K, dental and vision as well as free travel benefits. I am only 23 years old. I am responsible for the lives of 2,000-3,000 people each day I work. I am one of the youngest in the whole industry that I am in. Pay is ok for a first job. It increases every year with longevity until I have experience for a bigger company that tops out close to six figures.

.

[/quote]

Good for you.

But remember, people only need one person. Being crawled all over is not a good thin for a serious christian.. it can only lead to temptation.

I don't personally find pilots interesting. They work at long and odd hours (would prefer the father of my children to have another kind of scedule) and they fly far away,..

However, I do have a weakness for uniforms, and I know I share that weakness with many women..
Soldiers, policemen etc.. they just look nice.. maybe they also send a non-verbal message of stability, maturity, and discipline and women naturally like such traits in men.


#20

[quote="Battle_Warrior, post:7, topic:235039"]
I'm getting pretty sick of seeing threads about women.......I find most of them to be sexist, belittling, and degrading towards women.

[/quote]

:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

YES!

I'm sick of seeing them as well. It seems like alot of Catholic men have serious issues and a borderline bias against woman.

Time for alot of Catholic men to grow up.


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