It’s true that I am carrying on a long distance relationship with a guy who lives in India. We met online, and while I realize there are a number of risks that come with such a relationship, I feel like I can trust him. He’s a kind soul, comes from a very conservative, Hindu family that respects Catholicism, and accepts the fact that I am a practicing Catholic. I’ve met all of his close family members via Skype (I know, not an ideal situation, but it’ll do for now) and they seem to be wonderful people.
My parents liked him initially very much. As some of you already know, my father has a drinking problem, and when he drinks, he takes his anger out on me. Well, several months ago, I almost moved out because of this; however, my boyfriend told me that you never leave your parents, and must always respect them, even when you feel like you are being wronged. Because of him, I stayed. And when my parents found out that he had said this, they loved him all the more. A guy who is up to no good would try his best to pull me away from my family, and my mom and dad even said that.
He plans on making a trip to my area (from India) to meet my parents. We love each other; no, we have not met in person and I realize that finally seeing each other face to face might change everything! But my parents’ attitudes have changed drastically.
You see, my mom and dad are the kind of people who will come up with every possible tragedy that could take place. As long as I’ve lived, they have never seen the good in anything…if someone is being nice, they question his intentions. I realize that there is evil in this world, but there is also a great deal of good out there. I am an adult, and they still closely monitor everything I do - if I drive to a store that is five minutes from my home, I have to call as soon as I get there to let them know that I am safe and not in the trunk of somebody’s car. Two summers ago, I took my first road trip without my parents’ supervision. I was going with a responsible friend to Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, a destination that is only 6 hours away from my home. Having had no traffic violations, accidents, etc., I figured it would be okay. Well, my mom and dad were in a frenzy: “You could get a flat tire, you might be kidnapped and raped and murdered by a stranger, you could get in a car accident and we won’t be there to help you!” Well, NONE of those scenarios ever came true. I paid for and budgeted the entire trip on my own, proving myself and my capability to be an independent, responsible adult. And you know what? I didn’t want to come home. I liked being alone.
Now that some background has been covered, I’ll write about this current problem. My mom and dad’s attitudes have changed COMPLETELY about my boyfriend - my mom, especially. She is in a deep depression about it, telling me she feels a constant “doom and gloom.” She told me that he does not really have any feelings for me, that he will marry me for a green card, and end up leaving me to raise our children alone. What hurt me the most was that she said “you will not be able to function in your life anymore.” My dad agrees, but to a lesser extent. While my mom says she wants me to “dump him” now, my dad thinks that we need to wait to meet him in person. My mother has agreed to this, but she still says negative things that hurt me. I’ve become paranoid and distrustful of this guy. And again, I REALIZE that things might change once I meet him in person…but the constant negativity has sent me into a very bad depression. This all started because we added each other in a relationship on facebook. It does not mean we are getting married! It means that we are fond of one another, and are not interested in talking to anyone else at this point. I fail to see how that is the end of the world. :shrug:
I feel like my parents are not on my side. It’s not just this current issue, but also the negativity and control that has gone on all of my life. I am afraid to (like the song guys) “stray too far from the sidewalk” because of them. I long for their approval in everything I do, and if they are displeased with a decision I make, I drop whatever it is I am doing to please them.
For the record, my parents are good parents. I’ve never wanted for anything. At sixteen, I was driving a new car. They loved me and protected me all my life…and have stayed together through thick and thin, showing me how a Catholic marriage is supposed to stick together. I love them…but I also want my freedom without feeling guilty about it.
Should I drop this guy? Or can I wait to see what happens? I do not know what to do anymore. I am 20 years old, a 4.0 college student; I’ve never slept around with guys, done drugs, or broken down to any peer pressure. I’ve made good choices all my life, and I feel like this is a good one for me. I know it’s not the ideal situation and that he might indeed be a fake…but what if he isn’t and I end up dropping a genuine, kindhearted, loving man because of irrational fears?
I am so lost.