Are my shoes immodest?

This morning I went to mass with my parents, and my mom had a word or two about the kind of shoes I was wearing. Ankle boots that covered the entire foot and heels about 4.5-5ish tall (though I don’t think they are that tall.) She railed on me saying they looked like prostitute shoes and that they were inappropriate! Mind you I’m a 25 year old married woman, no longer under their roof. The rest of my outfit was a knee length dress with a coverup and leggings underneath to cover knees down. In my mind, a rather modest outfit. Her words and attitude to me made me cry and honestly not want to go to mass with them, (I’m still dispensed) but being with Our Lord is more important. Anyway, I’m attaching a picture of a shoe that looks very similar. Your opinion? Was she right in her assessment? Or do you think these are modest enough with the outfit I described?! I’m just irritated and my feelings are hurt.


If she’s going to rant about your clothing choices that way, go to a different Mass.


I think your mother explained her concern: “They look like prostitute shoes.” Did she use the word “immodest”? The two statements are not synonymous - “prostitute-like” and “immodest” are not the same. I would want to ask her why, exactly, they seem “inappropriate” to her? What is it about them, that says “prostitute”?

It sounds to me that there is more going on than has been made clear. I’d recommend to you: try to sit down with her and talk it out, woman-to-woman.


You are 25 and married. It seems there is an unhealthy relationship with your mom if you are fighting about your shoes and Mass. I’m not sure what getting a group opinion on here does to help the REAL problem. But for what it’s worth my wife and mother of my seven children would wear those boots to Mass.


They are heels, no more, no less. I don’t understand her objection, especially with your description of what you we’re wearing.

I agree, go elsewhere for mass without her if she cannot keep her comments to herself.


There’s nothing at all wrong with those boots.


You’re fine. Tell your mom that if she’s going to make rude comments you’ll go to a different mass.


This issue is more about your relationship with your mother than your shoes.

With respect and confidence: “I’m sorry you feel that way, Mom. We’ll have to agree to disagree - I really love my shoes.”


I often wear tall heels to Mass and don’t see anything wrong with your choice. And for what it’s worth, those shoes are far from scandalous in any setting. I cringe whenever people try to imply immodesty when something is simply fashionable and feminine.


Sometimes resentment toward women looking attractive gets cloaked in “modesty” arguments.


Agreed. I know I get funny looks sometimes because of my style. It is mostly resentment or jealousy. I’m never inappropriate.


My daughter used to get looks from women in college because she dared to wear…skirts or dresses. Can you imagine? We are not talking about anything immodest either. Other women made comments because she wore dresses “all the time.”

I agree, people will use modesty or “it’s unfashionable” comments to cloak their jealousy or whatever else they feel when they see someone dressed nicely.


If a shoe like that is her only complaint about your attire, and she brings it up, she should be stuffing her mantilla in her mouth to stop her tongue from wagging, which will be far more virtuous than wearing it on her head.

:roll_eyes: :thinking:


I used to wear modest, casual skirts to work. My boss told me I “dressed provocatively.” (Whoa, baby! #metoo on Line 1 . . . . ) This was before Metoo, of course, and before I had the confidence and maturity to deal with that sort of sexist nonsense. I just figuratively rolled over belly up and started wearing bland pants.


Isn’t that crazy?

I was thinking the same thing.

I have those shoes… they’re cute. I couldn’t wear them because of the heel but I still think they’re cute.

Have you talked to your mom about why she said what she said… the rest of your outfit sounded perfect.

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My daughter is an officer in the military. When she first started working somewhere, two women that were there longer than her, but did not out rank her, (and did not wear any makeup at all) whined about the color of her lipstick. Lipstick is allowed, and she was wearing a suitable color. My daughter who had regular contact with the higher up, casually asked about her makeup and he thought it was just right. In fact said he wished more women wore their uniform as correctly.

It was all said to her as if she were not in uniform regs when in fact, they just didn’t like her because she was new, and pretty.


Um, your mom has lost the plot. Sorry.

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Back during career number one, I wore a lot of skirts. One of my co-workers told me I made the rest of them look bad. She wound up making a skirt and wore it the next week- lol.


Isn’t that hilarious? She could just have easily said, “your look has inspired me to raise my own bar on how I am dressing.” But no, what she said was negative.

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