Are nuns allowed to talk to former boyfriends?


#1

I dated a wonderful woman during my college years--we were nearly engaged at one point--and she subsequently became a nun through the Sisters of the Immaculate Heart of Mary. I haven't spoken to her in 20 years, but I recently thought it would be fun to look her up and say hi. I found that she is leading a Catholic school nearby where I live.

Over the past 6 months I've emailed her through her school's web site twice, but she hasn't returned either of my emails. As I've stated in the emails, I have no intention other than to reconnect with an old friend. I am happily married and have a great family. I am Protestant.

I realize it is possible that she could simply not want to talk to me, but that would seem inconsistent with the personality of the joyful, gregarious young woman I once knew.

Is it possible that she is forbidden (or discouraged) to engage in communication with me by any rules of the sisterhood?


#2

That’s a good question, one I would like to know the answer to as well. I would think she should be allowed to at least say hi to you. It’s not like she’s a cloister


#3

I think that depends on the order. Most nuns (all nuns I know of, but I don't know everything :p ) take a vow of obedience and have to obey their Mother Superior. So she'd have to ask her Mother Superior. If Mother says yes, she can. If mother says no, she can't.


#4

Also, maybe she just wishes not to open up that can of worms?

I know that of all the girls I dated, if a certain were to try to contact me, I would most likely let it drop by the way side. We had a good relationship while it lasted but I am not keen on getting reaquantied with her at this time.

This is something I would also most likely talk over with my spiritual director and with friends I have within my community. We have no rule that says we must talk with our superior about everyone we know and what we do on our "free" time. As long as there are no issues raised.

But I am aware that some orders/communities are more strict.


#5

[quote="J23th, post:1, topic:230840"]
I dated a wonderful woman during my college years--we were nearly engaged at one point--and she subsequently became a nun through the Sisters of the Immaculate Heart of Mary. I haven't spoken to her in 20 years, but I recently thought it would be fun to look her up and say hi. I found that she is leading a Catholic school nearby where I live.

Over the past 6 months I've emailed her through her school's web site twice, but she hasn't returned either of my emails. As I've stated in the emails, I have no intention other than to reconnect with an old friend. I am happily married and have a great family. I am Protestant.

I realize it is possible that she could simply not want to talk to me, but that would seem inconsistent with the personality of the joyful, gregarious young woman I once knew.

Is it possible that she is forbidden (or discouraged) to engage in communication with me by any rules of the sisterhood?

[/quote]

I know of a nun whose ex-fiance still visits her often. She was a movie star and costarred with Elvis Presley in a couple of films. At the suggestion of her then fiance, she visited an order of cloistered sisters, joined them, and never looked back. She was featured on EWTN not long ago.

Whether you could visit your old girlfriend, or not, I don't know. It's likely up to the head of the order, but if she hasn't answered you, I'd let it drop. For one reason or another, it's best to let it be.


#6

[quote="J23th, post:1, topic:230840"]
Is it possible that she is forbidden (or discouraged) to engage in communication with me by any rules of the sisterhood?

[/quote]

Is it possible she doesn't remember the relationship as fondly as you do? As mentioned above, there are some people from my past that I wouldn't be very excited to hear from.


#7

[quote="SamH, post:6, topic:230840"]
Is it possible she doesn't remember the relationship as fondly as you do? As mentioned above, there are some people from my past that I wouldn't be very excited to hear from.

[/quote]

There are one or two from mine that I would actively avoid. :shrug:


#8

I am sorry but I have to ask this question.

If you are happlily married why would it even enter into your mind to look up one of your old girlfriends?


#9

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.