Are purity and virginity equally important for women and men?


#1

I know the bible puts a lot of emphasis on women in particular being pure… more so than on the men.

Even though Christianity teaches that purity is a virtue for both women and men, equally, I just want to see if there is still any type of difference in the way us Catholics perceive women and men when it comes to purity.

Feel free to leave comment below, but please explain if you voted on anything other than “equally the same”.


#2

I cant vote, but I say it is definitely equally important for both!


#3

It is my understanding that as far as the Church is concerned they are equally important.

In my experience and observation, among practicing Catholics I have known, it is treated as if it is more important for women than men.

I heard my own mother discuss with an Aunt when I was a teen how she was relieved to find out her sons weren’t homosexual when she found out they were sexually active with their girlfriends, while at the same time she cried, screamed and prayed over any hint that her daughters might not be sexually pure.

Where I was growing up in a primarily Catholic environment and attending Catholic schools, the general reaction to it was “well, what are you going to do? Boys will be boys” and “Girls, if you do it you are a slut who no one will respect or want you ever, and if you get pregnant I will disown you”

That is how it was during the 70’s and 80’s when I was growing up in Chicago.


#4

I voted for “both”, however, I certainly don’t believe that it’s a deal breaker if one of the couple is not as pure as the driven snow. I’ve only known one couple where the partners were born after 1980 that married without any sexual experience. :cool:


#5

I voted equally important, primarily because as a woman, the double standard has always made me a little crazy. :whacky:


#6

Well, I don’t see any reason in the eyes of God why a sin against purity would be worse for someone just because of their gender, although it’s pretty obvious that men struggle more on the whole than women.

I think it’s important to realize too that men and women are not the same. In many respects, secular society wants to think that for its own selfish ideas.

I’d say that women based on how they may dress are more susceptible to the sin of sexual scandal whereas men are more likely to mess up on something like pornography or masturbation on the whole.


#7

Please, please, please do not start promoting the very ignorant theory that women who dress in what is seen as a provocative manner are “asking to be molested”. The last thing we need is young men thinking that if a young woman is wearing a mini dress and high heels then she is just “asking” to be sexually assaulted. :confused:


#8

Whether the acts are gravely wrong does not differ between men and women, and going to hell is equally bad for men and women, therefore it is not more or less important for one sex or the other to avoid in particular mortal sin.


#9

I think it’s equally important for men and women to embrace purity. However, my experience for years both in college and in marriage is women and men are equally prone to temptations.

I don’t know tons of people that have had affairs but the few I know are pretty much equal between the man and the woman having one.

Such is the world we live in I guess…
Mary.


#10

It looks like one person so far voted for something other that it being equally important. I’d be curious to hear their explanation.

I understand that, in practice, a lot of people’s experience has been different. I think that’s an error to be corrected, though. Chastity is a virtue for all, not just women.


#11

There has been one vote for men and one vote for women.

I would like those people to please come forward and explain. I am genuinely curious to hear your reasonings.


#12

Uhhh… no where do they say a woman is “asking for it” by the way they may dress. If a woman were to wear clothing with the intent to lead others to lust they are causing scandal. I believe SuperLuigi was pointing out that societal norms for (lack of) modesty in dress **may ** lead them to cause scandal.

Even if one gender leads the other to sins against purity it does not absolve the second person from their own sin. I have heard plenty of women talking in lustful banter about how a man is dressed (or rather how it accentuates his anatomy). If the man in question intended to cause lust by his clothing then both he and the women have sinned against purity. If he did not intend to incite lust it is the women at fault for lack of purity in thought.


#13

I also think regretfully given the culture today and all it encompasses that purity is not valued. I don’t believe a lot of persons anymore expect or care as they marry later in life if their spouse is a virgin or not.

Just my observation with two daughers in college and what they hear about it. Celibacy is pretty much considered outdated and stupid quite frankly among a vast majority of students.

Mary.


#14

I think I see one issue that could skew answers. Is it equally important to God? To the individual? To their future spouse? To society?

I answered in the context of “to God.” I don’t like the focus on virginity and purity that seems to result in young people who are dating being hurt and taking it personally if the “the one” isn’t a virgin. Or being anxious because they aren’t a virgin and “the one” is or might be. The approach that chastity educators seem to focus on the “benefits” (which are dubious IMO) of being pure or a virgin so what some young people (and maybe the adults in their lives) hear, or focus on, is how they are supposed to benefit and not that this is something between the soul and God.


#15

Good point. I meant to God, since He’s the one who dictates morality.


#16

Doing what’s right leads to a benefit by default. Either virtue is the greatest good in even this life from a human perspective… or it’s just a bunch of arbitrary bull. When did we all forget about salvation in the here and now? Is it a theological concept or something that applies to real life? Acting as though it’s somehow wrong to speak of the benefits of holiness is wrecking the witness of the Church. Either it is for the greater good, or it’s rule following. The latter impression is that which we have given the secular world… no wonder they wish us dead.

The whole idea of practical holiness is why Evangelicalism is so appealing to my millenial generation. They have devotion, we strain gnats.


#17

Maybe I should say we give an unhealthy emphasis to avoiding sin instead of doing good and therefore the youth run like hell.


#18

Us: Don’t masturbate.

Them: Why not?

Us: It makes you impure.

Them: What is purity? and why is it so important?

Us: It’s chastity.

Them: What purpose does it serve? Can a person actually practice chastity or is it just avoiding unchastity? Heck, what are we supposed to keep pure? Can one BE chaste, or is it about not be unchaste? If I want to masturbate am I just supposed to repress my urged? or can I do something chaste to fight back? etc.


#19

Why cant you vote on this thread’s poll?


#20

I can’t vote in this poll as well, but I would actually say purity and virginity are Unimportant and here is why: If, and when I get married, my girlfriend’s past does not matter to me. It doesn’t matter if she was a virgin or had been with X amount of people. Not in the least. We should look together to the future in a blessed monogamous committed relationship.


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