Are their many singles who remain virgins till marriage, even into their thirties?


#1

I don’t know many…but it seems that almost all people I know don’t.


#2

I married when I was 29 and was still a virgin.


#3

Are you male or female? Just wondering.


#4

I’m 35 and male, and although I am regrettably not a virgin, I have been willfully practicing chastity for most of my adult life.


#5

Most people probably wouldn’t speak openly about this, especially if they were a virgin.

I dated a few girls in my time but never married, and remained celibate i.e. a virgin. I’m actually quite happy about that now.

2 Cor 13:13
Eddy Barry


#6

Why not? I wish I could say I’m a virgin.


#7

I’m in my early 30s. I think there are single virgins out there, but from what I’ve seen and experienced, I don’t think there are many.

My husband and I were virgins when we were married. I was 26 and he was 28. We were rare birds as almost everyone we knew were not virgins when they married. It was actually assumed by some of my family members that we weren’t and they caused a little havoc with my parents and then on our wedding day when they congratulated my husband for making me “an honest woman”. If it wasn’t my wedding day and not in so much of a celebratory and happy mood, I would have bit their heads off.


#8

Well, I’m male and I grew up fairly sheltered and went to a boys’ school, so there was less of an opportunity to have sex, as it was only available outside of school, and I tended to socialise with my school friends and wasn’t interested in partying until later, at which point I was becoming Christian.

So in uni, I was being pulled in opposing directions - I was becoming a Christian but at the same time, I fell into quite a debauched crowd and started drinking and taking drugs. My social group included some pretty slutty girls and so sex was handed to me on a plate. My faith was becoming strong enough that I could see why I shouldn’t have sex, and I’m quite certain I would have remained a virgin if I wanted to get married, but since I didn’t, I wanted to see what the fuss was about, as I knew I’d never get the A-OK from God anyway.

And as it turned out, sex is pretty dull and uninspiring really, so even today, when I occasionally frequent clubs or bars with friends and sometimes get pursued, I have no trouble turning down propositions of going home with somebody, even at the risk of being called gay or whatever.

If I wanted marriage, there’s a good chance I’d have remained a virgin until marriage, even into my 30s. But I didn’t want to get married, I still don’t and probably never will. I like my life as it is. I know I offended God, but at least I know I’m not missing out on anything by trying to live life being single and chaste. If I want sex, I know it’s there for the taking, but I’ve got bigger and better things on my mind.


#9

It’s not really a the best topic to discuss. I would prefer people just assume I am because I’m single. When I was relatively new to my parish I had a woman tell me she noticed I was wearing a black veil and not a white one. Me being young and choosing to wear a black veil was too much for her to wrap her head around, so she started questioning me. One of her questions was, “are you still a virgin?” :eek:

Yes, I’m a virgin, but it’s not something one needs to know. It should just be assumed.


#10

Oh, I meant on this forum, because it’s an anonymous place for people to discuss such things… such as this discussion about whether it’s normal.

Outside of CAF, I don’t go around talking about it with strangers, either.


#11

This is fascinating- you really never want to marry? Don’t usually find men with this attitude. But I’m just curious…Could it have been the case that that sexual encounter was a bad one but that not all would necessarily be that way? Not encouraging you to fornicate, of course- but I’m just wondering. I was like this some years ago (Happy being single and chaste and seeing marriage as a prison that I’d rather not willingly enter. But I’mat a place where Ireally want to be a home-maker, a mom, a wife- it just feels right- it used to feel all wrong before and “not me”- So, buddy, never say never! In a few years, you may change your mind :p. Or maybe not- Chaste and happy single living is as valid as married life.

Peace.


#12

This is fascinating!- You really never want to marry? Don’t usually find men with this attitude. But I’m just curious…Could it have been the case that the sexual encounter you had was a bad/dull one but that not all would necessarily be that way? Not encouraging you to fornicate, of course- but I’m just wondering. I was like this some years ago (Happy being single and chaste and seeing marriage as a prison that I’d rather not willingly enter). But now, I’m at a place where I really want to be a nurturer, a mom, a wife- it just feels right. It used to feel all wrong before and “not me”- So, buddy, never say never! In a few years, you may change your mind :p. Or maybe not- Chaste and happy single living is as valid as married life.

Peace.


#13

Unfortunately, if you look at statistics, it is extremely rare...


#14

From what I hear on the street, the first time tends to not be that great due to inexperience. If drugs and alcohol were involved, that makes it even worse. As William Shakespeare said, "[alcohol] increases the desire, but limits the performance.


#15

Well, I don’t know, I guess I’ve kind of absorbed the attitude that marriage = unhappiness. My own parents’ marriage fell apart. Both of them got remarried. I stayed with my mother against my will, and she would have a series of boyfriends until she eventually got married. She then would cheat on her second husband with various guys, and I was complicit in hiding her infidelity from my stepfather, until he divorced her. Then she started sleeping with a married man with children. His wife divorced him and took the kids. My mother was supposed to marry him, but they have been cohabiting for a few years and it looks like their relationship has no future. And my extended family is just a long, complicated story of marriages, divorces, remarriages, selfishness and pain. I don’t want any part in that.

I never bought into the mass culture aspect of marriage all being lovely and rosy and what have you - I’ve seen too many marriages in my own family and outside fall apart, and quite often, it was unilateral with one party clearly at fault and the children and the other party suffering as a consequence. In my extended family, I’ve seen some marriages that have stayed together, but they were generally unhappy. My father became Catholic not long after I did, and his marriage (he validly had a second Church wedding after becoming Catholic, having been civilly married to his wife for some years) is the only one that seems to work so far, but he and his wife have gone through some tough times too. And in the very few other seemingly happy marriages I have seen, I could see myself being just as happy being single.

And I like children, but I would hate for them to be taken away from me. If there is a possibility of that happening with no fault on my part, I would rather not have any kids. I actually have a few very young siblings from my father’s side and I love them and they love their big brother too, so at least any paternal instinct I might have is satisfied that way. So I don’t need marriage for kids either. If I know I can be and am happy without marriage, why should I risk it?

Could it have been the case that that sexual encounter was a bad one but that not all would necessarily be that way? Not encouraging you to fornicate, of course- but I’m just wondering.

It wasn’t just one sexual encounter. I was quite slutty myself for a while. I had a sort of “Screw it, might as well see what this lifestyle has to offer” attitude and I kept it up for over a year, all the while deep down being somewhat of a Christian. Yes, I know - hypocrisy. But I’m no stranger sex. And there’s nothing wrong with me. I’ve had a full-on health check-up about a year ago and I’m fit and healthy and my testosterone levels are normal and all. Quite simply, after tasting the forbidden fruit, I was like, “Is that what the big deal is?” Later, I got into some powerful opiate drugs for a while, and then, really, the pleasure of sex seemed lame in comparison. Perhaps sex would be better within marriage and offer some sort of emotional fulfilment, but I don’t see myself going down that road at the moment.

I was like this some years ago (Happy being single and chaste and seeing marriage as a prison that I’d rather not willingly enter. But I’mat a place where Ireally want to be a home-maker, a mom, a wife- it just feels right- it used to feel all wrong before and “not me”- So, buddy, never say never! In a few years, you may change your mind :p. Or maybe not- Chaste and happy single living is as valid as married life.

Peace.

And I will say a prayer for you that you find a really good man who will be a fantastic husband to you and help you in becoming a wonderful wife and mother.

As I said, I was slutty too, and I wasn’t always drunk and high, you know.


#16

I am in my 30's and still a virgin. I've dated a few men but not in a relationship currently, but have not done it as they were also Catholics & chose to remain chaste also.


#17

[quote="Havard, post:10, topic:278304"]
Oh, I meant on this forum, because it's an anonymous place for people to discuss such things... such as this discussion about whether it's normal.

Outside of CAF, I don't go around talking about it with strangers, either.

[/quote]

I think that it is so rude that someone would even ask you that whether you are a virgin or not is no ones business.


#18

I really think it´s difficult to find young people that are virgins, but not imposible. Inside our faith there have to be people who love God enough to know how stay strong and fulfill there love in the plenitude within marriage. Sociaty is about sex and personal pleasure, drives people to it instead of the long term happiness in the knowledge that renouncing to one´s self in benefit of the ones we love is persuing real happiness… but most people don´t come to that truth until mature in the faith. But NOT impossible! Just have to keep looking for that special person.
I can understand King Lazy not believing in marriage, or being afraid of it after all you´ve lived and seen. I´ve been married 33 years, have had trying times but also wonderful ones. 6 loving daughters, one grand daughter who bring joy to my life. It´s up to YOU to make the difference, you have to be willing to renounce and just give. Sure, you´ll have disappointments, but isn´t it the same in every aspect of life? And sharing your life with someone is beautiful, God´s gift to us.Remember that marriage is a Sacrament, God gives us his grace through it, to help us endure what otherwise could be unbearable. I´ve surely felt it! God Bless!


#19

Yes. And based on my experience, what society offers is pretty empty, though some may disagree with me.

I can understand King Lazy not believing in marriage, or being afraid of it after all you´ve lived and seen.

Well, I do believe in marriage because God believes in it. I’m only opposed to being married myself, and that is based on what I’ve seen and experienced, and my belief that that experience is increasingly becoming the norm. I’m not the only one who is sceptical about getting married, but most people like that tend to be secular and not Catholic. I’ve generally been quite happy and haven’t felt drawn to leave the single life, and given that I cannot find rational reasons to pursue it, I’m assuming marriage is not my vocation.

Not everyone is happy being single, however, so I wish everyone who wishes to marry successful, happy and rewarding marriages like yours, joyful and abounding in loving children. God bless all those who wish to share their lives with someone else, and especially those who wish to remain chaste until their wedding day.


#20

[quote="King_Lazy, post:15, topic:278304"]
Well, I don't know, I guess I've kind of absorbed the attitude that marriage = unhappiness. My own parents' marriage fell apart. Both of them got remarried. I stayed with my mother against my will, and she would have a series of boyfriends until she eventually got married. She then would cheat on her second husband with various guys, and I was complicit in hiding her infidelity from my stepfather, until he divorced her. Then she started sleeping with a married man with children. His wife divorced him and took the kids. My mother was supposed to marry him, but they have been cohabiting for a few years and it looks like their relationship has no future. And my extended family is just a long, complicated story of marriages, divorces, remarriages, selfishness and pain. I don't want any part in that.

I never bought into the mass culture aspect of marriage all being lovely and rosy and what have you - I've seen too many marriages in my own family and outside fall apart, and quite often, it was unilateral with one party clearly at fault and the children and the other party suffering as a consequence. In my extended family, I've seen some marriages that have stayed together, but they were generally unhappy. My father became Catholic not long after I did, and his marriage (he validly had a second Church wedding after becoming Catholic, having been civilly married to his wife for some years) is the only one that seems to work so far, but he and his wife have gone through some tough times too. And in the very few other seemingly happy marriages I have seen, I could see myself being just as happy being single.

And I like children, but I would hate for them to be taken away from me. If there is a possibility of that happening with no fault on my part, I would rather not have any kids. I actually have a few very young siblings from my father's side and I love them and they love their big brother too, so at least any paternal instinct I might have is satisfied that way. So I don't need marriage for kids either. If I know I can be and am happy without marriage, why should I risk it?

It wasn't just one sexual encounter. I was quite slutty myself for a while. I had a sort of "Screw it, might as well see what this lifestyle has to offer" attitude and I kept it up for over a year, all the while deep down being somewhat of a Christian. Yes, I know - hypocrisy. But I'm no stranger sex. And there's nothing wrong with me. I've had a full-on health check-up about a year ago and I'm fit and healthy and my testosterone levels are normal and all. Quite simply, after tasting the forbidden fruit, I was like, "Is that what the big deal is?" Later, I got into some powerful opiate drugs for a while, and then, really, the pleasure of sex seemed lame in comparison. Perhaps sex would be better within marriage and offer some sort of emotional fulfilment, but I don't see myself going down that road at the moment.

And I will say a prayer for you that you find a really good man who will be a fantastic husband to you and help you in becoming a wonderful wife and mother.

As I said, I was slutty too, and I wasn't always drunk and high, you know.

[/quote]

Well, you've gone through stuff, my friend. I think seeing such things with your own parents is even more painful than seeing it in society generally. I especially understand the fear of having and loving children and then having them taken from you through no fault of your own. Apart from the death of a child, not many experiences could be as painful.


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