Are there any women here who are married to non-christians?


#1

Dearest friends:

i am and was wondering if any women here are finding themselves with children, being married to perhaps a non-christian man, or a non-spirit-filled man should i say? One who has no desire to honor the Sabbath? One who has no desire to train up his children, (and your children too) in the ways of the Lord? Now i may say, perhaps you did not realize this about him when you married him, as i did not, but now you are stuck with such truth. Now you have a family. Now you don’t know how to deal with this fact.

i would appreciate all advice from wise ones given to me. i have alot of children in the barn of life, and yes, i try to be a good wife. My husband however, is a very un-Godly man, drinks, swears, could care less about church. i made a big fault when i marry him, i am afraid. But we now have our beautiful family of nine. How do i do this longer? what is advice from you? Catholic friends?

Just would like to say. I believe as God does, that divorce for any reason, is a wrong one, making one, a person, only more miserable, as i have seen my friends and family suffer so, so i would like to hear from others who do not in favor of divorce, but those who have advice on how to make it work here. what are your suggestions? i do love my husband and father of my young, and i pray God makes me a more perfect wife every day. 3 of my children are in confirmation now, 3 driving, 3 somthing else, all teenagers–no wonder i am drinking alot. 7 teenagers and a husband always working. at least i do have my man. how do some do it alone?

would appreciate suggestion and help from anybody, who has done it before.

:slight_smile:


#2

Wow. Know that you are definitely not the only woman in this situation. The hardest part for my mother was explaining to us kids why we had to go to church, while daddy got to stay home and watch TV. I fear I still don’t know if there is a satisfactory way to explain this to children. It took a long time (nearly all of their married life so far), but my parents have now both been catholic for nearly four years.

It sounds like your husband might be a bit more averse to religion than my father was, but I will tell you what I can from the child’s perspective:

First, pray for him ceaselessly. Have your kids pray for him too. Prayer is powerful.

Second, keep taking your kids to mass. Teach them to pray. Read bible stories to them, make sure they get good religious ed as well. Do everything you can to help them take the faith seriously and to instill in them a desire to be close to Jesus, even if their dad isn’t interested. If my mother hadn’t done this for me, I would probably not be a catholic today.

Third, spend time with other Catholic women so that you have a small group somewhere to strengthen you. Go to daily mass on your own from time to time as well, if you can.

Fourth, and this is the tricky part, make Catholic living as much a part of your daily home life as possible. You know your husband best, and can probably figure out for yourself to what extent this is possible. Things like saying grace before meals, religious art around the home, keeping copies of the Bible and the Catechism in easy reach. You could even invite your husband in an ever-so-loving and humble way to come along when you go to church every week. At least he’ll know he’s wanted.

Lastly, as far as the drinking and swearing go, if he wants to raise kids who have manners, he should stop doing that, and it’s ok for you to let him know that. If the drinking is heavy and/or habitual, he needs to get help. Children should not be exposed to unhealthy drinking behaviors. (Men should not drink more than two drinks per day if they value their liver). If his drinking puts you or the children in danger, do consider a legal separation (notice I am not telling you to divorce him) until he gets his act together for the sake of your safety.

I’m sure everyone here will be praying for all of you.


#3

i understand what you are going through I just became catholic this past easter vigil. We have four young childrren 9,7,2, and three months. My husband never goes to church, he believes in GOd, but not so much Jesus, he just thinks jesus is like one of us, he argues with anyone about the bible.

My husband parents both did drugs and he was raised by his grandparents, who are very ainti church. So it is very hard for me, my nine year old daugther doesn’t understand why daddy doesn’t go to church, he did go and see each child be baptized but other than that he will not go, he just got sign up with one of those on line minsiter programs, so know he thinks he is a minister and it makes me so upset, because he thinks it is a joke.

I pray every day he will come to the church and maybe he will, but I know that I am raising my children in the catholic faith is good. I pray for all your women that are doing the same thing I am.

God Bless you all
Crystal


#4

Yeah, you’re definitely not the only woman married to a non-Christian on the forums. I’m in a similiar situation as you.

My situation briefly - Been with hubby for a total of 4 years, married for 2. When we first started dating, we were both Pagans, though I occasionally did the church thing. I became a Christian about a year or so ago, and a Catholic in August. Hubby is mostly indifferent to Christianity, and is more of the Agnostic run of things these days. He did consent to getting our marriage convalidated, though yay, and is really supportive of anything “Churchy” that I might want to do. Over all, it’s a good marriage.

All that said, our marriage isn’t perfect. There are roadblocks - addiction, anger, indifference, misunderstanding. Many moons ago, someone suggested that I read “When He Doesn’t Believe” and “How to Survive a Spiritual Mismatch in Marriage”. I also endorse those books. They both helped me to see my conversion process (which is still ongoing - I pray it never stops!) from my husband’s perspective.

It’s certainly been an adventurous journey. Would I do it again - marry a non-Christian? I don’t know. Would I marry my husband all over again? Absolutely!

I guess I don’t have any real advice, per se, I just wanted to let you know that I can sort of understand where you are at.

~Jessica


#5

I do wonder why so many women choose in the first place, to even marry a non-Christian --and to choose to not listen to the Word of God, saying NOT to be unequally yoked. As for me, I was young and very naive, and did not know any different, which I assume was the same for all of you on here. We did not take a heed to this, or the Word of God. My parents, both Christians did not guide and direct me in this way, too bad. I hope to guide and direct our children much more than both our parents did for us, definately. I pray God makes this possible.

Jessica: this book sounds like a good one: “How to Survive a Spiritual Mismatch in marriage”. Who is the author of this book? I would like to read it today.

I feel, women should not frown over this fact, but learn here.


#6

Hi,

I have been married for 16 years and have 2 kids 13 and 8. When my husband and I got married neither one of us were saved and didnt care either. I came to the Lord about 10 years ago. He still wants nothing to do with church. He believes in God and who Jesus is but isnt in a spiritual place yet.

I take my kids to church and they are very involved with the children’s activities that are offered. I am raising them to know and Love God. My husband does not stop me at all from being involved in the church, he just doesnt want any part of it. He actually told me a couple of weeks ago how happy he was that I am so faithful and involved in the church.:eek: I was shocked to say the least. I thought WOW he has finally noticed.

I do not push him at all. He does not hold me back. I and my church pray for his salvation and I have to tell you that prayer is working:D I can see small changes in his attitude. Still no church but maybe soon. God’s timing.

If your husband does not hold you back from church I would keep going, keep living a Godly life so you can be an example for him and continue to raise your children in a Godly way.

I cling to this verse 1 PPeter 3: 1-2
In the same way, you wives should yield to your husbands. Then, if some husbands do not obey God’s teachings, they will be persuaded to believe without anyone saying a word to them. They will be persuaded by the way their wives live. Your husbands will see the pure lives you live with your respect for God. I hope this helps:D


#7

I have been married for 25 years and a Christian for 20. My husband has only gone to church two or three times in those 20 years. He thinks religion is a crutch for weak people and that he doesn’t need God, although he does believe there is a God. I just remind myself that ultimately it is not about my husband and me, it is about God. I keep God first and foremost and would never do anything to lose that relationship, even it it meant no longer being married. (that is a non issue thank goodness). My husband has done his share of boozing and such things, but I made a decision to accept him warts and all in keeping with my marriage vows. Of course I am not advocating staying in an abusive relationship by any means. If you can find the balance to be happy in Church, be a good example for your children and make sure they know you will always be there for them, then that is what you should do.

Tamie


#8

We all attend Mass together every Sunday. At least he will attend. But he would not get out of bed without my dragging him, too bad. I wonder if i even should or not. And i believe he sleeps all the way through the Church. He offers our children no spiritual anything which is sad for me, because i wonder if only the mother can matter. do you believe so? i hope to God it is so.

i like that verse for us wives to be submissive to our husbands very much. i think we need to, but need to listen to God the most and firstly.

i appreciate very much hearing your situations on here. thank you alot.

Berta


#9

Berta,

Keep dragging him. Maybe someday the Holy Spirit will be able to get through to him, even if he does sleep through it. Some people say a person can learn from things he hears while he is sleeping! Besides, at least it creates some appearance of unity for the sake of your children.


#10

#11

Thanks alot. i will look for this soon.


#12

Tamie. i feel the same as you. and i am writing to you now to say may God bless you today. it is not about us is it, but about what God wants for all our lives, and it means sacrificing our self-indulgence and what we desire most times for the sake of another.
you are in my prayers today Tamie. and i hope and will be praying your husband will, one of these days attend Mass with you. We must be thankful for our husbands that love us, as so many do not have such; they are just old and bitter and lonely. i am so thankful for my husband, you should be too.


#13

are you by any chance related to the poster “Sparkle”…you two sound uncannily similar in your choice of words and style of writing.


#14

OK. Guess i’ll keep on dragging him out of the bed each Sunday. i am just very thankful he will go with us all.


#15

Thanks alot Jessica. Your marriage is young. It can endure forever with our Lord’s help for the marriage. His way is the only way, in my book. You look to many who are now divorced or separated, did they follow in His path? Probably not. Perhaps now they are sorry. i do not want to be “sorry” later on, do you? Keep up and God Bless~


#16

This sure sounds like our old friend, Sparkle, doesn’t it?


#17

Oh yeah…especially when she starts throwing the divorce word and seperated words out there:D


#18

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