Are we really made for monogamy?



I appreciate that my partner hasn’t left me ……yet. I cant afford not to be monogamous. Fortunately it comes naturally to me, considering the partner I managed to con into marrying me. It comes easy.


If we were not made for monogamy, why then do we experience jealousy?


We were made for monogamy. Even biology points in this direction.


Not to be “that person”, but the researchers who are the most enthusiastic about debunking human monogamy are usually men


Not at all surprising. Men and women simply have unique manifestations of that old bugaboo called concupiscence. As many times as you have blushed at female antics, I have probably blushed two (or ten) times at those of men.


In fairness men are no less geared yo monogamy than women. No matter how much certain “researchers” may like to think otherwise.


Some men and women are monogamous by nature, some are not and have to work harder at it. Just like everything else. There is always a spectrum.

Biologically, if we didn’t have social structures pushing monogamy, then the men who were able would have multiple partners and those who fell behind in some way (less strong, less powerful, less clever etc) would have relatively few and be less able to reproduce themselves.


Sexually transmitted diseases are probably the greatest and best secular argument for the monogamy largely (but not exclusively) observed across the recorded history of our species.


It is hard to answer question like this. Generally speaking our human nature or desire of the flesh as coined by St. Paul, would be always against the nature of God, or fruits of the Holy Spirit.

From that principle, by nature we tend to be against the nature of God. If God commands us in marriage to become one, our nature would probably be against that. Perhaps that explains why there are many divorces, adulteries and fornication, when the desire of the flesh within us is not reined in.

However, as Jesus said, it was not like that originally. Thus I would see it that our tendency is against the nature of God but we can overcome it if we abide by God’s grace and faithful to His teaching.


I think that’s more a statement of belief.

In my education on most sexualized species (species where there are clear, separate females and males), the males typically have an evolved drive to spread their seed as far and wide as they can and the females typically serve the function of gatekeepers where they only breed with the greatest and best males they can get. Once upon a time, it’s how our evolutionary ancestors acted, absolutely.

Monogamy is an odd exception to that that isn’t observed by most species.


Yet our brain chemistry would suggest that we are evolved to develop a deep and intimate bond with the person we have sex with.


Sure. It’s reasonable to assume that our bodies responded to the pressures that drove us to monogamy by facilitating them to some degree. The fact that we typically reproduce in a position that facilitates eye-contact might have something to do with it as well.

That said, I know a lawyer in town who has created a deep and intimate bond with wife #5. Ergo he even has a little difficulty being a serial monogamist, as infidelity is usually how his marriages conclude (or, well, recycle I suppose).

I’d like to see a scan of what my brain does when a college-aged girl from her college’s dance team (where I found my one and only and current wife) walks by me in summer attire. I bet the results wouldn’t reinforce completely innate feelings of monogamy as it pertains to brain activity :wink:


That’s not exactly conclusive evidence that we aren’t made for monogamy.


Imagine if polygamy was reintroduced.

More incels.


Humans aren’t most species.


I get the sentiment, boys. I really do.

But from a neutral stance, it appears that our genetic ancestors were not monogamous - like the overwhelming majority of (but not all) mammals.

Our monogamy is a fairly recent development. From a little light reading, it seems the best guess that monogamy typically results from creating offspring that are incredibly difficult to rear. Like most penguins (Emperor exception noted) - someone’s gotta sit on the egg to keep it from sterilizing from the cold and whoever is on egg-duty isn’t eating. So if they didn’t stick together and take turns, the offspring would die then the species would die. So dad sticks around helps out as an evolved trait.

In humans, our offspring aren’t reasonably independent (biologically) until they’re teenagers. This is a titanic commitment relative to other mammals, so the ladies (again, being the gatekeepers) want a male that will hang out and pitch in, among other traits. Thus we have a selective pressure promoting monogamy in our evolution.

But just like whales have hip-bones that they haven’t really used for thousands of generations, males in our species may still feel the urge to toss their “seed” far-and-wide like their long-dead ancestors used to.

So yeah. We’re monogamous. Hesitantly so.


I can only speak for me.

I have an incredibly overpowering drive to make one woman as happy as I can. Because of that, ‘cheating on her’ would be going against that drive because it would cause her pain.


Depends on our background assumptions, I think.
Mine is that our earliest genetic ancestor was a guy named Adam, and he only ever had one mate, named Eve. Polygamy came later, first mentioned in the case of another guy named Lamech, who took two wives, Ada and Sella.


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