Earlier this evening, I had a disagreement with my husband over our young adult son who lives with us. My husband made a sarcastic remark to me in a nasty tone, and I said, “You’re so nasty.” And then the thought occurred to me that I shouldn’t say what I was about to say, but I said it anyway. I said, “I can see where he (our son) gets it.” And then I repeated, “You’re sooo nasty.” I feel like I insulted my husband’s character by implying that our son being disrespectful to us is his fault. I knew that what I was about to say was uncharitable, but I don’t think I said it to seriously wound my husband. I think I mainly said it out of frustration b/c my husband is frequently irritable and negative, and it’s grating on my nerves. I try to accept all that happens to me as God’s Will, knowing that difficulties are simply a part of life. My husband is frustrated by my “Pollyanna” outlook. Anyway, we apologized to each other, but I can’t shake the thought that I may have mortally sinned. I had knowledge that what I was about to say was uncharitable and I said it anyway. But was it grave matter? My husband says to forget it and that I don’t need to go to confession before receiving communion tomorrow evening. I’m not sure. Does this sound like grave matter?
I personally would hardly think that that constitutes grave matter, but if it troubles you go to Confession. You can ask your priest about it while you’re there.
My wife is doomed to hell!
In all seriousness, if your husband has forgiven you, ask Jesus to forgive you and mention it to the priest at the next confession. I would not consider it grave matter. We all say things in the heat of the moment that we regret. One day my wife may apologise instead of pretending she never said it and offering to make a cuppa; her attempt to save face. In my incredible magnanimity, I forget it, gaining boundless brownie points in heaven I am sure. If you love one another, you let things go all the time. Be kind to yourself. Make him a cuppa.
A row is a row and words we don’t want to say will be said. They maybe are true, who am I to say. But if you love each other, and I hope you do, it is hardly a sin, it is a lesson that you both needed, namely, don’t get angry. In anger you say things you should not say, and anger is a sin. So I think you both could confess it, it is Sunday tomorrow (I live in Finland and here it is Saturday afternoon and I never know how to count what the clock is in USA) before mass. If it make you feel bad, then confess. If not, it is up to you. God bless you.
Saying something uncharitable is not always a grave matter. Especially in the heat of the moment. Even though you said you thought about it for a second, what you said was not a very big insult. I can almost guarantee you did not delivered a deadly mortal wound to his feelings by what you said : ) He is a man, not a child. I confessed saying something uncharitable (yelling it actually) once and told the priest I was not sure if it was a mortal sin or not. He asked me “What is a mortal sin?” I told him the definition and added “Well, what I said was definitely uncharitable” he told me “Not a grave matter…”
If this bothers you so much that if you take communion you are going to be worried that you committed another mortal sin afterward, then abstain until you confess. I noticed you ask a lot of “Is this a mortal sin” questions. Maybe you should talk to a priest instead. Half the people on here will say “Just confess it anyway” and the other half will say “You are being scrupulous” so why not get a spiritual director instead? God bless
I dont think its Gods will for you to be walked over like a door mat…
you are a living breathing human being , that deserves respect like any other human being.
and yes we all say things without thinking, it’s called foot in mouth syndrome …
very common among humans… there are of course many who are in denial of that fact…
if you said something that maybe you feel a little guilty about…
then think if its in balance with how you are spoken to…
I pray for you, that you may be led to pray for your husband when he is negative and that his attitude won’t bring you down so much.
God bless your husband and son as well.
Is arguing with your husband a mortal sin?
I’ll have to tell my wife it is.
too bad she’s not Catholic.
Thank you–this helps a lot. I decided to go ahead and go to communion and just mention making an uncharitable comment towards my husband at my next confession. A lot of times if I let some time pass between whatever it is I’m worried about being a sin, I come to realize on my own that it wasn’t mortal. I do have a regular confessor but I try not to go to confession more often than once a month b/c it aggravates my scruples, so sometimes I will ask a question on CAF if it’s between confessions. My scruples have been a LOT better lately, even though it might not seem like it by my posts.
Veronica, I’m glad to see you are perhaps making some progress in trusting your confessor and making decisions without relying on CAF to assess your “sins” (I say “sins” in quote because most do not seem to be sins at all).
Then again, you’re also posting about whether drinking green tea is a mortal sin. So still some work to do.