Whilst I’ve found a lot of dating material that helps in the realm of no sex before marriage, make sure your partner follows Christ etc. The actual specifics of being in a relationship with another human being aren’t usually laid out, which I suppose should seem obvious, but you really have to wonder what you do when someone is potentially the person you will marry.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 8 months now and I’d say for the past 3 months maybe we have a lot of arguments that turn not so friendly. They make us very unhappy, even though they’re not really over significant things at all, we can hardly even remember what we argue over sometimes and ironing that out can take a while. It usually is just something tiny like we’re reacting to the way the other person is saying something or it was just a misunderstanding in the first place. What was so concerning is why it would go to such extremes in the first place.
After talking for a while it became clear that I’ve been rather oversensitive to some stuff and also my boyfriend is very quick to anger when he thinks someone might been implying that he is not so intelligent (because his father used to make fun of my bf for not being as smart as him, which is horrible). He tends to really lash out, but he knows he has this problem. For a while we weren’t sure what to do and he was hesitant to seek help for his anger issues, but he decided he doesn’t want to live this way and wants to treat me better, especially because he can’t be like this with a family.
We’ve had some teary conversations about ending it but it isn’t what either of us wants and if he really can work on these problems I can still see myself building a family together. He has so many great qualities I would like in a husband and a father of my children, that I don’t want to give up on dating him, especially since he has seen me through my own therapy and issues and supported me in that. He came to my doctors appointments and took me to my first counsellors meeting over issues with my family. He also came with me to see my grandmother when we had to do so in the presence of my hostile family members.
To what extent is all of this just normal for a relationships progress? Sometimes in books I read it seems like you’re supposed to have a wonderful prayerful experience with the other person, going to mass and hanging out with the family and you’ll realise what a virtuous person they are and how they’re the perfect future father of your children. My experience seems to be not quite this, that everybody has problems and not all have to scare you away maybe? Relationships, even before marriage, surely will always be hard work? I just want to know that it’s okay for us to go through rocky periods even though we’re not married and I want to know if this is all going too far or not… Does this sound like a weird relationship to you?