As a Catholic man I want a wife who... (As a woman I want to...)


#1

Poll about expectations/desires. I realize now that my future tense question assumes single people, but married people please participate too :)


#2

And flyingfish...I love your polls...they make me think about the answers and how others could and would want to answer...:)

I prefer to be a stay at home mom, however if needed for financial reasons, I would be able to work, either part or full time.


#3

Oddly, if I had taken the poll when I was single, I would have said I planned to work fulltime.

I've been a fulltime homemaker for the last 15 years. I worked parttime for 6 months and I worked fulltime for 9 months. And, before that I was finishing up college working parttime. I've done a little babysitting here and there.


#4

I think you forgot an important choice in your poll, which is me respecting whatever she chooses to do. Better yet, it’s a joint decision from both the man and the woman (and God) in deciding what will work best for them as a family!


#5

#6

I fear that if I put that choice in everyone would choose it. It’s an easy choice “whatever my wife wants”. Still, a man is not without his own preferences, I am curious about what men personally prefer about a wife, i.e. what they would want their wives to want to do.

I guess it’s conceivable that a man truly doesn’t have his own preference, and is completely neutral. But removing that choice forces guys to think what they want their wives to want :smiley:


#7

I wasn’t really sure what to say. Things definitely change from when you are in university to when you have a career, to when you have a family ( as a woman, speaking here ).

I was home for a year with my first child, and went back to work for a year, and will be off again for another year with my second child.

I still have no idea what I will do after subsequent children, if we have them. I have a great job with great pay, and so does my DH. We would have to may major changes to our spending ( which is totally under control and minimal ) and lifestyle if I stay at home longer than a year. I am still thinking about it.

Daycare costs over $1,200 a month per child. So two or more kids in daycare is ridiculous. Of course, they aren’t in daycare forever and I plan to put them in a Public Catholic school later.

I might stay home for 3 years, assuming I have only 2 children, and then get back to my career when they are in school. Or I might go back to work 1 year after this next child is born.

My point is… decisions change…

My husband wanted to know my intentions before we got married too. At the time, I did not want to be a stay at home mom. I used to think that was a silly “job” to have, and what would be the point of all my education? Now, I think it is a hard job, but also very rewarding and I would possibly like to do it for a few years.


#8

BTW, my husband wanted me to be a career mom, and have our kids in daycare. Now, he is on board with any change in decision as long as I let him know how I feel about it at all time so he can prepare a budget etc. He certainly doesn’t want to be taken off guard.


#9

Right now I’m at home but we can’t afford for me to be, really. I would love to be a SAHM and homemaker while I have young children (I absolutely love staying home with DS right now and I think I’d rather be low income and at home than well off and working but we’re having trouble making ends meet at all which is very stressful) but I think I would want at least a part time career once my kids were in school full time.


#10

I voted for what I would definitely want if I could have it (ahahaha).
Due to developments in my health though, it seems as though I may have chronic fatigue syndrome. Unfortunately this is just not a real condition to some people (seems like a fab excuse to be lazy, no?). Alas, nor is it a sexy malady to have, unlike being in a full body cast or having been attacked by wild beasts, for example.
My list of requirements for a husband keeps growing.

  1. original list requires a man who is Catholic, generous, kind, taller than 5’1’’, etc, etc.
  2. he’s got to worship me on bended knee. :bowdown2:
  3. most recently, he must be able and willing to support me.

The eligible men keep getting fewer and fewer, so I’m inclined to think that God is telling me to relent on some of the requirements. For the life of me, I can’t think of what that would be, though. :shrug:


#11

[quote="flyingfish, post:6, topic:182581"]
I fear that if I put that choice in everyone would choose it. It's an easy choice "whatever my wife wants". Still, a man is not without his own preferences, I am curious about what men personally prefer about a wife, i.e. what they would want their wives to want to do.

[/quote]

Well it's not that "whatever my wife wants." I want her to be happy, within the bounderies of being a good catholic and respecting me as I respect her. that would be a much better choice for people to choose rather that "whatever she wants."


#12

I’m 18 and dearly would like to be a housewife. I’m actually on my fourth job now, and do not intend to have many more (college perhaps if I have to.)

It’s going to be really hard for me to find a good husband, because my stipulations are pretty narrow. Like that he’d be ok with me staying at home and be some kind of Slavic so we can pass on our heritage to the kids, and be ok with the Latin mass. And to marry early. Hey, all things are possible with God, right?:shrug:

EDIT: Plus I would want to take the kids(when they’re young) to daily mass, to pray outside of abortion clinics, to do daily prayers like Chaplet of Divine Mercy and the Rosary, and to teach them everything I know and more before they even think about starting kindergarten :smiley:


#13

When I was single, I know I planned to work full time. When I got pregnant with my second, being a SAHM mom made the most sense. Once my fourth was getting to be of preschool age, I wanted to go back to work at least part time, but my (now ex) husband would not allow it. Now that I am divorced, I am working full time and really enjoy that.

Looking at all of that I guess I would say that all I really ever wanted or still want is what is best for my family. I'm glad I had a degree before I got married, because it did make going back to work so much more possible after a 13 year gap in employment outside of the home.


#14

[quote="dakotagirl, post:10, topic:182581"]
I voted for what I would definitely want if I could have it (ahahaha).
Due to developments in my health though, it seems as though I may have chronic fatigue syndrome. Unfortunately this is just not a real condition to some people (seems like a fab excuse to be lazy, no?). Alas, nor is it a sexy malady to have, unlike being in a full body cast or having been attacked by wild beasts, for example.
My list of requirements for a husband keeps growing.
1) original list requires a man who is Catholic, generous, kind, taller than 5'1'', etc, etc.
2) he's got to worship me on bended knee. :bowdown2:
3) most recently, he must be able and willing to support me.

The eligible men keep getting fewer and fewer, so I'm inclined to think that God is telling me to relent on some of the requirements. For the life of me, I can't think of what that would be, though. :shrug:

[/quote]

Taller than 5-1 sounds easy enough.:D I'm like 5'9, but still most guys are taller/the same height as me, so I'm hoping it's not an issue. It's funny, I seem to be better friends with the short guys and the 'taken' guys because the single Catholics taller than me are sort of intimidating :rolleyes: I'm going to have to get over this or just join a convent:p


#15

I’m sorry, but worship is limited to divine persons and even being a canonised saint doesn’t qualify. :stuck_out_tongue: In further sequence, living people don’t really qualify for doulia, either. :stuck_out_tongue:

I agree. It’s not about stupid assertion and the ability to have one’s wish abided by, it’s about a motivated, human choice (different from choice by a human), as any responsible decision or attitude.

I don’t have a preference of my own because it makes no point. Attitudes in matters like this one are going to be part of an integrated personality and I don’t know because I haven’t met “the one”, so. :wink: I go after persons, not sets of traits, let alone single traits!


#16

OK, my real preference is to find me a hot sugar mama, be a stay-at-home dad, drink beer and watch football all day long.

Seriously though, it would very much depend on the financial means of the family. If I make enough money and she wants to stay at home with the kids, that’s fine by me. If she wants to chip in part-time, that’s cool, too. And if she wants to work full-time and have a successful career of her own, that’s hunky-dory, too. It’s really hard to say what the family dynamic will be like, since you’re not 100% in control. In any case, I think sacrifices will need to be made.


#17

I chose the last one not because it is accurate but because I was hoping you meant it as the funny way to say "none of the above" or "other" or "undecided".... because that is the case for many :P

I think IDEALLY... I would love to be able to stay at home with my kids while they are very young, but then work part time when they are in school... if I didn't home school, that is. Of course if I didn't marry I think it would be amazing to be able to flourish at a full-time career... but I don't know what God has planned for me yet. Ultimately, the decision is not up to me, but up to God. I want to do whatever He wants me to do... because His plans are better than mine. :)


#18

Yep, nope, I don’t have anything personal against miniature men, but I want my children to be able to see above the steering wheel when driving.


#19

Right, sure. :shrug: Next thing I know people will be trying to tell me that money doesn’t grow on trees, that life isn’t like a novel, that lawyers are real people, or some such tripe. :shrug:


#20

Since I’m planning on getting my PhD, and I’m a workaholic, I’d have to be a careerwoman. Since I can’t have children, at least I can have money and a husband. :slight_smile:
Plus, getting a PhD, and then being on diaper duty seems a little weird. :stuck_out_tongue:


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.