As a man who struggles with SSA, do I belong in the church?


Oh, reading all the stuff about the recent scandals has been so disheartening to me. Listened to this particular homily, very concerning, church has so much cleaning out to do. I wonder how many were lead astray. Bold Homily From Priest addressing today's scandals

I feel like I’ve dealt with “I don’t fit in, I don’t belong” so much of my life. I’ve always felt like an outcast, lots of anxiety, depression, and loneliness. I’ve been a bit obsessed with SSA as of late. I’ve watched alot of videos, Fr. Michael Schmitz has some good ones, bought his book as well.

But these scandals have poked alot of holes into me, I guess I’ve been putting my faith in the wrong thing. It’s Jesus who I need to turn to, have a relationship with. I get caught up in the hierarchy and rules and miss out on that.

Some do point out the distincitions between those actively pursuing a homosexual life style and those trying to live chaste holy lives. I feel like others do not though, they just lump people together in the same pool. I have a friend who has a friend who’s in the seminary, says he struggle with SSA too. I just wonder what they make of all of this. I feel hurt and kind of betrayed, this blatant hypocrisy. I guess this opens one’s eyes to the real battle. Satan is trying to destroy the church from within, the time for cleansing is here. I’m sure being tested. Well if this results in a stronger but smaller church, then so be it.

Oh, this world is so crazy. Secular things tell me one thing, this lifestyle is ok. I used to say Church says the other, I guess it still does, minus the hypocrites. I still feel a bit shaken. I have so many wounds that need to be healed. I wish I didn’t have this struggle, must have been given it for a reason. I still feel like most of this comes from my past. Been going to a Catholic Counselor, has helped alot. I need to just turn to Jesus, he’s the one who saves. Though protestants say the same thing and they don’t have all these rules, scandals, and same teachings that Catholicism does. I’m not even sure how to defend the church anymore. Time will tell.


I don’t have a good answer for you. I would say focus on your own relationship with God first before worrying about ‘the church’. Maybe that’s a crappy answer or it isn’t, but I feel like thinking otherwise can be discouraging.


That is the truth. We are supposed to have a close relationship with Jesus and put our Faith and trust in Him alone.

Praying for your SSA struggles. Not an easy thing but living chastely and following Our Lord’s commands is what gets us to Heaven.

Our Father
Hail Mary
Glory Be


Hello I also struggle with SSA, what I can say to you with the utmost certainty is that you belong in the Catholic Church :slightly_smiling_face:. You are a child of God and he wants what is best for you


Of course you belong. So do the rest of us sinners. The Church is exactly where we belong.


It seems that you have a very good understanding of the situation. Stay with the Church. Jesus is there in the Mass and in the Sacraments. The Sacraments still confer the same graces, no matter how sinful the priest may be, because our perfect God is the source and the giver of that grace.

We are all being tested. Things will get better eventually. Let us pray that God may strengthen our faith, renew our hope, and help us to grow in charity.


You belong!:heart:

Do you think anyone would be seriously injured if we flew over cities dropping loose copies of Father Mike’s “Made for Love” as we go?


I know it’s hard, but you just have to learn to ignore those who lump everyone in together. It’s not right, it’s not just, but that’s on them.
Concentrate on you, and your relationship with God.


But that’s true of countless things. Secular society says pre-marital opposite sex is ok while Church says its not. The list is endless on things Secular society says is ok and Church says isn’t ok.


I’ve never posted a GIF here before, so bear with me incase this fails.


You most certainly belong in the Church!
You struggle with SSA? Well I struggle with OSA! (opposite sex attraction)
A single guy living a celibate life for Jesus. Struggling with purity, naturally.
You can do it. And when we fall then we get right back up and run to our Lord who gives us strength and makes us STRONGER.

Heck yeah these are difficult times, and heck yeah your situation presents its own set of challenges.

Things are tough all over for Catholics, brother, and gonna get tougher before they get better. Cleansing hurts, and humans say and do all sorts of stupid things. Don’t let it get to you. Double down on your faith, and remember that Christ is the real head of our Church, regardless of how much some crooked and perverse men try and screw it all up.

We need you to stay with us! We all need to stick together in this and never run away from what’s challenging us here today.

See you at the altar of our Lord. God bless!


Nigel7 that was VERY WELL SAID and an honest response to this poster who needed to hear this. God Bless you for caring and responding so compassionately.


Never thought of it like that, you do make a good point. We all have our own struggles, I guess I tend to divide up people in my mind. It’s a little hard for me to relate to that, it’s not like I can talk to other men about SSA usually, unless they have it it’s a bit hard to relate. I say the difference is though that those with OSA have marriage, those with SSA don’t. Well, I don’t know, I have some attraction towards opposite sex but I wouldn’t call it sexual. I don’t really lust after women, I guess I like the idea of romance though and I find faces attractive.

I guess I tend to think of myself as special, or an outsider. I’m realizing it’s in community where things can be healed and support can be given. My biggest mistake is trying to do everything alone, and some of it isn’t my job, it’s God’s. Gotta stick to the truth. Thanks for your post, God Bless!


Are there any chapters of Courage near you? They might have the words you need right now to not feel so much like you don’t belong.


I took psychology and I remember reading some research on how attractive people, male and female, tend to be happier because they also tend to be treated better by others and get the breaks. I have witnessed that and who doesn’t know someone who is popular because they are attractive. That is attractive to both sexes. They get on better maybe because both male and female employers chose them, it’s natural. The difference is one of degree I think.
It’s a cross to bear and Our Lord will help you to bear it if you really want His help and sincerely ask for it.
As dear St Pio used to famously say “pray, hope and don’t worry.” Anxiety blocks the Lord. Correction, nothing blocks the Lord.


There’s one about 2hrs away, I don’t really feel comfortable though with that. Not sure what the age is and would only want to talk to others around my age group. I’m going to join a bible study again, starts next week. Parish is starting accountability groups, so I may have others with SSA I can relate with and hold me accountable. That would be great and is really what I need, community.


We love you and you absolutely belong !! Xx


If the Catholic church is the place you want to be, and if the Catholic faith is the path you want to follow, you belong in the Church as much as anyone else. God created you in his image and likeness, and he loves you.


Yes, you belong. There are people right on this forum who struggle with SSA and would say the same.

While I accept the Vatican’s position on SSA/ gay/ homosexuality/ whatever you want to call it, that doesn’t mean I accept every position or thought that other Catholics pop off with on the matter. It is pointless to argue about these issues on a forum like this however, because there is a subgroup of people who are fixated on blaming SSA/ gay/ homosexuality for everything wrong in the world today and will not change their mind.


I think he is trying to steal the pig.

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