Asexuality grounds for annulment?

Hi all,

I’m basically wondering if one spouse discovering they are effectively asexual is grounds for annullment?
I’ve been married 3 months, and we haven’t consummated yet. That’s due to getting our Natural Family Planning timing right (we’re avoiding pregnancy for a while as we’re quite young), but also because I find it kind of painful. After seeing a doctor, it’s been put down to being tense and nervous during.

Anyway, in short, I am very unenthused about sex. I don’t look forward to it, and it’s never something I think about in any way.
To clarify, it’s not because my husband is inattentive; he’s very considerate and unselfish whenever we’re intimate. And I can feel attraction and arousal, but only after sort of “getting through” the general apathy first.

I’m scared, because I know sex is important to my husband as a means of open expression, which is fine. But I worry over time my general lack of interest will really take its toll. I love him, but I don’t know if I can make myself match his libido. It would only be about 9-11 times a month, after I’ve ovulated, but that’s a lot all at once. I think I’d really come to dread those days of the month.

Thanks.

I think you could have the marriage dissolved if you haven’t yet consummated it, if this guy has canon law correct:

Now, if you really think you can’t abide sex with your husband, it’d be least harmful for all to leave now before you’ve got 10 years and some kids in the mix. But before you conclude you’re asexual, I’d encourage you to go to another doctor and try to get an action plan to break through some of your hangups. Maybe therapy can help.
I say this because you do seem to have some desire, so maybe it’s worth seeing if sex can become something you enjoy.

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Please speak to a priest. All cases are different. No one here can answer your question.

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Please see a doctor and a mental health professional regarding your situation.

Regarding annulment, an unconsummated marriage can be dissolved.

Being “asexual” isn’t per se grounds for nullity.
There would have to be an impediment or defect of consent or intent. You could talk to your priest about this.

But, first be open with your husband regarding what’s going through your mind and what’s going on with your body. And doctor and therapist— stat!

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Low libodo is not something that makes a wedding null.

An unconsummated valid marriage is dissolvable if the parties choose to go their separate ways.

I would suggest some marriage counseling to help with your fears.

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I wouldn’t wonder or worry about that. It is a rabbit hole, as they say. Look for ways to make your marriage better for you and your husband. That would be more beneficial.

Dan

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If you are dreading the 9 to 11 days per month allowed for sex under NFP, perhaps you should have a serious talk with your spouse about the future of your marriage. Maybe your husband would consent to a sexless marriage. Some Catholic marriages are that way and more Catholic marriages (after children) end up that way over time, too. If you desired children, adoption is always an option. (This, obviously, is just my own personal opinion on your situation.)

Please, don’t present adoption as an alternative to “sex”…

First thing, “NFP” is an umbrella term that encompasses many methods. Methods vary, and one woman’s body may vary from cycle to cycle. There is no set number of days that sex is"allowed".

Some people enter Josephite marriages. Waiting to consummate a marriage does not automatically mean a Josephite marriage.

Adoption is a loving option for people in marriages, those in Josephite marriages as well.

Josephite marriage is done only under spiritual direction and only as long as both partners agree.

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Thank you all for taking the time to reply.

I should probably consider therapy, it’s just expensive.

@TheLittleLady - sorry for not being clear, the 9-11 days is the result of me analysing my cycle over the past 5 months, with an instructors help, so it would effectively be that if we want to avoid pregnancy for the time being.
One question; I was under the impression that Josephite marriages aren’t approved by the Church?

To be honest, I don’t think my husband would ever agree to a sexless marriage, it would be really upsetting for him, and contra to what he believes marriage is about.

They are rare, but, there is no prohibition as long as both agree. We have Saints who lived Josephite marriages.

Maybe. But why get married if one has no desire for sex anyway. And to even involve other people to suffer for one’s wrong decisions. That is what i dont get about people who have no plans of having sex but get married. A josephite marriage is an exception the the rule. Shrugs.

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