We have been going to counseling for about 6-8 weeks. Before that, he had withdrawn almost completely from me, to the point that we had not slept in the same room or had sex in over 12 months. I knew this was not normal but when I would bring it up, he had logical work-related reasons for using the spare bedroom, and could not give any other reason for our low intimacy except “I’m tired and not thiking about it because I’m so busy”.
Also important to the situation is a female “friend” that I don’t approve of, recently divorced, whose ex-hubby believes they were having an affair or some sort. I have had the same suspicions.
I thought counseling was starting to help. We were communicating more and hugging more. But this week he began to cry and sulk for no apparent reason.
Then today I learned that the friend’s ex-hubby had asked them to stop the friendship months ago, which both the woman and my husband refused. I had thought more of my husbands ethics. Also learned that husband has been lying to me about times when I thought he was at work but he was really at friends home.
He admits to lying about his location at times, but does not admit to any physical affair. I can’t believe him after so many lies and no visable attempts at affection for so long. He claims he loves me and wants to fix things, but when we try, he barely does the minimum required.
The reason for the crying and sulking this week: he said he was trying to decide if he should stay with me or leave me and keep his friend. That should not take 2 seconds of consideration!
My parents are going on 45 years of marriage. I never thought I would be in this position. I feel like I am turning my back on the sacrament of marriage, but I’m at the end of my rope with him…I try and try and he seems to find ways to blame me for not trusting him, when he’s lying all the time!
I need prayers, mostly, but also some thoughts from brains calmer than mine right now. I’ve asked him to not sleep here until I say otherwise. I may be seeing a lawyer on Monday, I’m not sure. The priest that I think of as a mentor is 1100 miles away. My heart and brain are telling me so many things and I don’t know what to do.