Asking out an older man at work


#1

So there is this man who works in the office across from mine and he has caught my eye ever since I started working there. We have spoken a few times and I would like to get to know him better. I look forward to seeing him and I make sure to look extra nice in case we run into each other. I know that we have a few things in common like we are both from France so we speak to each other in French every now and then.

I know that he is single (thanks to facebook haha) and I would like to ask him to get a drink after work but I'm nervous. I am 25 and he is 43. Is that too much of an age gap? I also don't want to just out of nowhere ask him to get a drink and I put him in an awkward position because he is totally not interested.

I know that office dating is usually a no no but we don't work for the same company and my company is moving to a new location after the new year so we won't see each other in case things get weird.

He seems like a nice guy, I find him attractive, and he is accomplished. Do you think asking him out is just a bad idea? Should I wait for him to pursue me? Sometimes I worry he might not think I'm interested because he is much older. What is a good way to let him know I'm interested?

Any advice would be awesome! :thumbsup:


#2

In my opinion, yes, it is too much of an age gap. That doesn't mean it's totally hopeless, it DOES mean that you need to be careful. He's in a different place in life than you-that's just the way it is.

For what it's worth, the most important lady in my life is several years older than I am (No, not great a gap as yours could be) and that's been a source of irritation to both of us on several occasions.

My advice-ask him out. Tell him your interested. Go slow-very slow. In case you have to jump out of the plane you want to have time to open the parachute! ;) (My groovy metaphor for taking it slow in a relationship.


#3

[quote="Rascalking, post:2, topic:222930"]

My advice-ask him out. Tell him your interested. Go slow-very slow. In case you have to jump out of the plane you want to have time to open the parachute! ;) (My groovy metaphor for taking it slow in a relationship.

[/quote]

Do you think asking him to get a drink after work is a good way to ask him out? My plan was to knock on his door and ask him. I'm not sure if there's a better way but I guess asking someone out is always going to be a bit uncomfortable.


#4

[quote="collettejohns, post:3, topic:222930"]
Do you think asking him to get a drink after work is a good way to ask him out? My plan was to knock on his door and ask him. I'm not sure if there's a better way but I guess asking someone out is always going to be a bit uncomfortable.

[/quote]

Is he your boss? If he is, than you shouldn't-and in some places can't-ask him out.

I don't suggest drinks. He may be in recovery, not drink, or just not like bars. Ask him out to dinner instead.

And, even though I think the man should always pay for the first date-if you ask him out, it's a bit different. Be prepared to pay your own way.


#5

No, we do not work for the same company. Our companies are just across the hall from each other.

I feel like dinner is more serious whereas drinks, even if we just have sodas, is more casual.


#6

[quote="collettejohns, post:5, topic:222930"]
No, we do not work for the same company. Our companies are just across the hall from each other.

I feel like dinner is more serious whereas drinks, even if we just have sodas, is more casual.

[/quote]

Right, but if he is in recovery, he may not be able to even walk into a bar without breaking a sweat or something. Or maybe he views going out for drinks as trashy, whereas dinner as something fine. It's a roll of the dice, definetly.

You never know. Of course going out for a drink can be fine. I'm just saying it's not my number one choice.

I think you'll have a great time. Good luck to you!


#7

My rule has always been that the age difference doesn’t matter if we can spend time with each others’ friends and family without feeling uncomfortable about the age gap. The only way to find out is to ask him on a date. :o

I’d go for a “coffee date” myself, or perhaps something more specific. I always felt more comfortable asking men on dates to something I wanted to do anyway (an exhibit at a local museum or an inexpensive concert, for example). That way we automatically had a “shared experience” to talk about.


#8

[quote="Augusta_Sans, post:7, topic:222930"]
My rule has always been that the age difference doesn't matter if we can spend time with each others' friends and family without feeling uncomfortable about the age gap. The only way to find out is to ask him on a date. :o

I'd go for a "coffee date" myself, or perhaps something more specific. I always felt more comfortable asking men on dates to something I wanted to do anyway (an exhibit at a local museum or an inexpensive concert, for example). That way we automatically had a "shared experience" to talk about.

[/quote]

As much as I personally LOVE going to concerts, art galleries, etc-no way for a first date. You don't get to talk much at those sometimes. When I go, I'm too busy 1) Enjoying and studying the art or 2) Thrashing around in a mosh pit (obviously at different locations!) to get to learn something about the other person.

Great advice otherwise though.


#9

[quote="Augusta_Sans, post:7, topic:222930"]
My rule has always been that the age difference doesn't matter if we can spend time with each others' friends and family without feeling uncomfortable about the age gap. The only way to find out is to ask him on a date. :o

I'd go for a "coffee date" myself, or perhaps something more specific. I always felt more comfortable asking men on dates to something I wanted to do anyway (an exhibit at a local museum or an inexpensive concert, for example). That way we automatically had a "shared experience" to talk about.

[/quote]

Actually, I really like the coffee idea. I can't believe I didn't think of that lol!

I think I'm just really nervous. He gives me the butterflies so I lose all sense when I talk to him. I turn into a blubbering teenager. :confused:


#10

[quote="collettejohns, post:9, topic:222930"]
Actually, I really like the coffee idea. I can't believe I didn't think of that lol!

I think I'm just really nervous. He gives me the butterflies so I lose all sense when I talk to him. I turn into a blubbering teenager. :confused:

[/quote]

Then you are far too young for someone 18 years older than you are. If you ever have a serious relationship, he is going to have far too much influence. If he's a nice fellow, he's going to have to reject your advance, and he's not going to want to have to do that. If he has less sense (it is very flattering to have a 25 year old after you) or less scruples, it is still not likely to end well.

Don't do it. This is coming from somebody who's dated someone 12 years older, with friends who've dated much older men when they were far less over-awed than you are. You will be biting off more than a woman of sense wants to chew. Wait for someone you can see with more objectivity, or for someone who is close enough to your age that he might be just as smitten and just as inexperienced as you are.


#11

[quote="Augusta_Sans, post:7, topic:222930"]
My rule has always been that the age difference doesn't matter if we can spend time with each others' friends and family without feeling uncomfortable about the age gap. The only way to find out is to ask him on a date. :o

I'd go for a "coffee date" myself, or perhaps something more specific. I always felt more comfortable asking men on dates to something I wanted to do anyway (an exhibit at a local museum or an inexpensive concert, for example). That way we automatically had a "shared experience" to talk about.

[/quote]

I'd go for a coffee break in the mid-morning or mid-afternoon, and say something like I have a free half-hour, do you have time and would you like to join me for a cup of coffee downstairs?

That way you are not putting him on the spot in refusing if he wants to, because he can just say, I'm sorry, I'm too busy. If he would like to but really is too busy, then he might say something like, but I'd like to do it another day or after work.

And remember after the half-hour is up to return to work!

The age difference is pretty big, but not insurmountable, but remember if you have been thinking about him a lot, you may have formed a picture in your mind of what he like that does not correspond to what he is really like, if you see what I mean.


#12

That is one lucky old man!


#13

Shoot, I hope something like this happens to me if I am single at the age of 43.


#14

[quote="St_Francis, post:11, topic:222930"]
I'd go for a coffee break in the mid-morning or mid-afternoon, and say something like I have a free half-hour, do you have time and would you like to join me for a cup of coffee downstairs?

That way you are not putting him on the spot in refusing if he wants to, because he can just say, I'm sorry, I'm too busy. If he would like to but really is too busy, then he might say something like, but I'd like to do it another day or after work.

And remember after the half-hour is up to return to work!

The age difference is pretty big, but not insurmountable, but remember if you have been thinking about him a lot, you may have formed a picture in your mind of what he like that does not correspond to what he is really like, if you see what I mean.

[/quote]

That's a good idea. It does seem like he is always really busy. It's hard to find a free minute with him.


#15

LOL I would like for him to think this way so then I won’t have to worry about rejection!!


#16

[quote="kib, post:13, topic:222930"]
Shoot, I hope something like this happens to me if I am single at the age of 43.

[/quote]

LOL! If it doesn't happen to you now...well, you can always hope! ;););)


#17

[quote="EasterJoy, post:10, topic:222930"]
Then you are far too young for someone 18 years older than you are. If you ever have a serious relationship, he is going to have far too much influence. If he's a nice fellow, he's going to have to reject your advance, and he's not going to want to have to do that. If he has less sense (it is very flattering to have a 25 year old after you) or less scruples, it is still not likely to end well.

Don't do it. This is coming from somebody who's dated someone 12 years older, with friends who've dated much older men when they were far less over-awed than you are. You will be biting off more than a woman of sense wants to chew. Wait for someone you can see with more objectivity, or for someone who is close enough to your age that he might be just as smitten and just as inexperienced as you are.

[/quote]

I wish I could remove the feelings that I have because if I think about it rationally, I know it's probably not the BEST idea but it does get me excited about going to work every day lol. :thumbsup:


#18

[quote="collettejohns, post:17, topic:222930"]
I wish I could remove the feelings that I have because if I think about it rationally, I know it's probably not the BEST idea but it does get me excited about going to work every day lol. :thumbsup:

[/quote]

Then let it get you excited, silly! Have some fun-flirt, be happy, just be careful.

There is no law or cathecism rule saying you can't do those things!


#19

Good point!!

:smiley:


#20

[quote="Rascalking, post:16, topic:222930"]
LOL! If it doesn't happen to you now...well, you can always hope! ;););)

[/quote]

A 30 year old woman just asked me out to lunch two days ago, that is the next best thing! I do have a thing for older women!


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