At my bachelorette party


#1

i had my bachelorette party on saturday and something has been bothering me ever since. the whole time guys were buying me drinks and asking me to dance and flirting and a couple even tried to kiss me. while nothing go too out of control, i found myself flirting back a little, and even wondering if i was going to miss this life. i went home that night (next morning sorta) to my fiance who was passed out (he had his bachelor party the same night) i remember just putting my arms around him and being grateful that i have him and this incredible love. the problem is that i have been wondering a lot if im going to miss my single life. i love this man more than anything in the world, he is the only one i want to be with. is this just normal cold feet? i dont doubt wanting to marry him and be his wife and he my husband for the rest of my life. but is it possible to still be young and fun and crazy at times when youre married or will i go from 21 to 40 in point 2 seconds? my next question is i have always been told that its best not to discuss your bachelor/bachelorette parties with the other. i KNOW he didnt do anything serious because my big brother and my best friend were with him and besides that hes just not that kind of guy, hes devoted 100% as i am to him. however i feel like i want to know what went on. no one will say anything but “nothing happened he behaved and came home to you dont worry about it” also hes asked me about mine and i respond to him the same way. things didnt get wildly out of control but i did flirt and dance and party a lot. i had a great time and i know he did to, however i tend to get really insecure about him with other women. not that i dont trust him or anything i just start comparing myself to other women who flirt with him and sometimes i come up with the short end of the stick. also i dont know how he would react if he knew some of the things that went on at my party. i wasnt unfaithful AT ALL, but i do feel a little guilty any advice?


#2

I think it is good that you feel guilty. I didn’t even have a bachelor party for this exact reason. All the things you mentioned that went on may seem harmless but they really aren’t. We put ourselves in these occassions of sin, and even if we make it out we tell ourselves that nothing was wrong. It is always wrong to put yourself into an occassion like this, especially when alcohol is involved. Remember that drunkeness is a sin too!! :slight_smile: I know I sound like an old fogy but its true. Think of it this way; if there was nothing wrong with drinking and partying with members of the opposite sex, why are you feeling guilty and why are you curious to know what happened at his party? If he went to the arcade with $10 in quarters would you be curious to know what happened while he was playing Galaga?

Basically I am saying you are right to feel guilty and should probably hit the confessional even though you didnt do ANYTHING!


#3

Hmmmm… you said:

i went home that night (next morning sorta) to my fiance who was passed out

Going home to your fiance at night? I may be jumping to an incorrect conclusuion, but I still suggest the following article…

catholic.com/chastity/q7.asp


#4

Is there something compelling you to get married now? It seems as if you have a tremendous amount of turmoil in your life from the few threads I 've read. What’s the rush…you are so young. Would you consider delaying the wedding–not just dumping your fiance–but giving yourself some time to step back, live independently and reconsider this move with some maturity and perspective? It might be the best wedding present you could give yourself.

I write this in response to your story of your bachelorette party. A night filled with flirtation and entertaining temptation in the midst of drinking and partying hardly seems like the logical jumping-off point at which to begin a committed marriage. I was a young bride, but my bachelorette party in no way resembled yours and it wasn’t just by accident. It may be a sign of your readiness for such a serious undertaking. Not being ready is not a sin or sign of moral weakness…it just may mean you need more time–whether to date, build confidence in your own self-worth, whatever.


#5

For asking if it is still possible to be young and have fun after you are married, sure! Both being former professional musicians, my husband (of almost 15 years) and I enjoy going out to listen to a band at a local club every now and then. We’ll go with other couples and everyone will dance until we ache! Sometimes the guys won’t want to go, so, the girls will go do something. And sometimes the guys will go do their own thing (usually it is playing pool). The important thing is to behave like married people even when apart - do not do anything when your husband is at home that you would not do if he was sitting in the chair beside you. PERIOD. If you make this commitment to each other, then, you never have to get antsy about trust.

Knowing yourself is important. When you go out with the girls, don’t dress like you are on the market - not that you have to be dowdy and ugly, but, save the VA VA VOOM dress for hubby. If one is the type to get too flirty when tipsy, one’s spouse already knows that. Put any chance of flirting out the door by having diet soda all evening, then, share a glass of wine with hubby when you come home. You will then have nothing to feel guilty about.

Another trick, always take your mother along on girl’s night - wear a medal of the Blessed Mother, wear a rosary bracelet. It is hard to act like a flirt in front of your mom!

And a final fun crazy thing about being married, you can be really crazy and embarrass your teenagers someday(that is one of my favorite hobbies).

To be honest, I had no cold feet about getting married, so, cannot address that one.

Peace - kage


#6

[quote=kage_ar]For asking if it is still possible to be young and have fun after you are married, sure! Both being former professional musicians, my husband (of almost 15 years) and I enjoy going out to listen to a band at a local club every now and then. We’ll go with other couples and everyone will dance until we ache! Sometimes the guys won’t want to go, so, the girls will go do something. And sometimes the guys will go do their own thing (usually it is playing pool). The important thing is to behave like married people even when apart - do not do anything when your husband is at home that you would not do if he was sitting in the chair beside you. PERIOD. If you make this commitment to each other, then, you never have to get antsy about trust.

Knowing yourself is important. When you go out with the girls, don’t dress like you are on the market - not that you have to be dowdy and ugly, but, save the VA VA VOOM dress for hubby. If one is the type to get too flirty when tipsy, one’s spouse already knows that. Put any chance of flirting out the door by having diet soda all evening, then, share a glass of wine with hubby when you come home. You will then have nothing to feel guilty about.

Another trick, always take your mother along on girl’s night - wear a medal of the Blessed Mother, wear a rosary bracelet. It is hard to act like a flirt in front of your mom!

And a final fun crazy thing about being married, you can be really crazy and embarrass your teenagers someday(that is one of my favorite hobbies).

To be honest, I had no cold feet about getting married, so, cannot address that one.

Peace - kage
[/quote]

I was going to say the same thing. It is still possible to be young and have fun. Just do it with each other. Me and my husband still go out and have fun, (well, not so much anymore because I’m expecting). But for the first few years of being married, we’ve had a great time with each other. I also thought that I’d miss the single life and going out with the girls all the time, but now I can’t stand to go out without him. I feel so much safer when he’s around and even when I have gone on a “girls night out” I felt a little vulnerable and didn’t have as much fun as if he were there. I don’t think your starting out on the wrong foot. These feelings are normal, your life is about to change a lot. Going from being single to being married is a big step. By the way, don’t be discouraged about getting married. Not everybody has the same type of bachelorette party, just because yours was a little wilder than other peoples may have been, doesn’t mean your not ready for marriage. Like someone else said, I think just the fact that you feel guilty about it means that your heart is in the right place. (you didn’t really do anything wrong) You may have been extra flirty because of the worries/feelings that you’ve been having…leaving your single life behind and all. Just make sure you keep yourself away from those situations in the future and everything will be fine.


#7

all i will say is… i don’t believe in bachelor or bachelorette parties… never have, never will… their goal is usually to get the person to stumble and all the so-called friends (i.e. greek for vultures) are supposed to be there to keep you from a slip between the cup and the lip… :bigyikes:

http://www.superdairyboy.com/pictures/intex/Bop%20Bags/nunbop.jpg

you will be ok… lets hope the fiancee doesn’t have the same experience… :eek:

so here is the official “shame on you” and don’t do it again… but don’t beat yourself up too much… :o

you have a wedding and a life to catch… don’t miss the train… :cool:

i won’t be casting any stones… it appears you have learned a lot about yourself already… :eek:

Peace! :thumbsup:


#8

[quote=TarAshly] but is it possible to still be young and fun and crazy at times when youre married or will i go from 21 to 40 in point 2 seconds? QUOTE]

Yes, you will age incredibly fast!! :wink: …the fact that you are bothered is a confirmation that you are serious about entering into a lifelong committment. :love:
[/quote]


#9

I don’t believe in these types of parties either. We should be focusing on how wonderful marriage is. What types of friends tempt you to flirt with other men, even if it is out of jest. And add drinking on top of that. Either one of you are could easily get a case of “beer goggles”. Don’t get me wrong, I like having friends over for drinks and go out on occassion.

I have lots of fun being married, still am two kids, a house, and four years later. If you have such a negative view of married life, I would ask for you to sit back and ask yourself what you really want out of this relationship.


#10

[quote=TarAshly] will i go from 21 to 40 in point 2 seconds?
[/quote]

Of course not! That happens when you have kids.:whacky:

Seriously though, just like your idea of “fun” has already changed as you have gotten older, I’m thinking at one time it was dolls and barbies, you will continue to change and enjoy different things at different stages of your life. The only thing that changes about “fun” in our life, is our definition!:rolleyes:

Best wishes for your upcoming marriage.:slight_smile:


#11

Cold feet are natural, I think. When you get married, you’re giving up some things and getting others. It’s natural to focus on what you’re losing instead of what you’re getting.

But consider this: Getting married isn’t going to stop you from going out. It’s not going to stop you from dancing. It’s not even going to stop you from a little harmless flirting AS LONG AS it doesn’t go any further.

I guess I don’t see any harm in what you did. You didn’t kiss anybody. I think the advice to not discuss the parties applies if there’s a possibility that somebody did something that would make the other person angry.

I think parties like this are fine. You’re saying good-bye to a lifestyle; why not do it in style? It’s almost like an Irish wake for the single you. Just keep it within acceptable limits, and try not to take it (or yourself) too seriously.


#12

You will miss it, until you go to a class reunion.

Marriage rocks.


#13

Hello TarAshly,

A young woman once gave me some advice. She said, “I do not think anyone should marry before the age of 28. There is so much to experience in life - friends, college, travel and other things. A person just should not tie themsleves down at such a young age.” I then asked, “What if the person believes in celibacy before marriage?” The woman then advised, “well!, that person would have to marry at age eighteen.”

The Father and Jesus plan it is that a man shall leave his family and woman leave her home and the two shall become as one. Though it is not wrong to wait till long after leaving your parents to marry, it certianly seems that it is God’s design that leaving home is the time God has ideally sellected as a time to unite in Holy Matrimony.

I have heard many testimonials of individuals about their highschool sweetheart relationships being the one they regard as the closest relationship they have ever had. Many people rejoice that they married their highschool sweatheart. Some people spend their lives pining over a first love highschool sweetheart that they lost. I do believe that it is not God’s will for us to spend many years shopping around, but rather He guides us to that special person and we are to leave our parents to marry that person. I am speaking in general. Comon sence should be used. One should follow their heart.

NAB MATTHEW 19:4
He said in reply, "Have you not read that from the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female’
and said, **‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?
**So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no human being must separate."
NAB EPHESIANS 5:31

“For this reason a man shall leave (his) father and (his) mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

NAB GENESIS 2:18

The LORD God said: "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a suitable partner for him."
So the LORD God formed out of the ground various wild animals and various birds of the air, and he brought them to the man to see what he would call them; whatever the man called each of them would be its name.
The man gave names to all the cattle, all the birds of the air, and all the wild animals; but none proved to be the suitable partner for the man.
So the LORD God cast a deep sleep on the man, and while he was asleep, he took out one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh.
The LORD God then built up into a woman the rib that he had taken from the man. When he brought her to the man,
the man said: "This one, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; This one shall be called ‘woman,’ for out of ‘her man’ this one has been taken."
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body.

Peace in Christ,
Steven Merten
www.ILOVEYOUGOD.com


#14

I’d second what the young lady told Steve M above. When I mentioned no cold feet before my marriage, I was 25 years old, had lived alone for years, had traveled - was ready to move on to the next stage without what iffing. One of my sisters and some friends who married YOUNG without ever living on thier own did have those regrets…

Of course, I advise my son not to even think about marriage til he is 30 :slight_smile:


#15

Well I guess I can be different so here goes. I am 21 and have been married for 6 months. I am loving it. My life hasn’t changed that much other than I am happier than I have ever been. I love waking up next to someone so special. And I did have a bachelorette party, it was so cute we even had guys and one of them tried to strip, 2 yr olds are so cute! The matron of honor had her two and a half year old and husband with her. I loved it. After the matron of honor left(with the guys) we watched movies all night, laughed it was great. I hadn’t had a really great sleepover in years.

Living with my hubby has taught me alot, especially to have a spare blanket next to the bed for when he rolls over and takes it all with him;) .
Kat


#16

[quote=KittyKat]Well I guess I can be different so here goes. I am 21 and have been married for 6 months. I am loving it. My life hasn’t changed that much other than I am happier than I have ever been. I love waking up next to someone so special. And I did have a bachelorette party, it was so cute we even had guys and one of them tried to strip, 2 yr olds are so cute! The matron of honor had her two and a half year old and husband with her. I loved it. After the matron of honor left(with the guys) we watched movies all night, laughed it was great. I hadn’t had a really great sleepover in years.

Living with my hubby has taught me alot, especially to have a spare blanket next to the bed for when he rolls over and takes it all with him;) .
Kat
[/quote]

nice post… :slight_smile:

i’m gonna wait another 6 months though and ask you about that spare blanket again… :smiley:


#17

TarAshly,
You may want to seriously consider what Island Oak has to say here. She had the same reaction I did and put it very nicely. I’m sure I couldn’t have said it as well.

[quote=Island Oak]Is there something compelling you to get married now? It seems as if you have a tremendous amount of turmoil in your life from the few threads I 've read. What’s the rush…you are so young. Would you consider delaying the wedding–not just dumping your fiance–but giving yourself some time to step back, live independently and reconsider this move with some maturity and perspective? It might be the best wedding present you could give yourself.

I write this in response to your story of your bachelorette party. A night filled with flirtation and entertaining temptation in the midst of drinking and partying hardly seems like the logical jumping-off point at which to begin a committed marriage. I was a young bride, but my bachelorette party in no way resembled yours and it wasn’t just by accident. It may be a sign of your readiness for such a serious undertaking. Not being ready is not a sin or sign of moral weakness…it just may mean you need more time–whether to date, build confidence in your own self-worth, whatever.
[/quote]


#18

you are both going to be mighty bored about six months after your wedding if you can’t come up with better ways to have fun than getting wasted and passing out.


#19

i appreciate everyones responses and no i wouldnt reconsider getting married. im very ready for it spiritually and emotionally, but like someone said your giving up something. i have always been a social butterfly, always gone out ALL THE TIME and just always had a good time, and i guess its just the reaction that this might all be over. my fiance and i go dancing together a lot and he never has a problem with me going out with the girls and the girls go out a lot so im not worried, i guess its just nerves and jitters. with all the excitement and stress this week i think it was just making me a little jumpy. my fiance just came by to take my car and have it washed. thats why i love him and when he came in kissed me hello took the keys and said see you later love you, all doubt worry or fear went away. im definatley ready for this. as far as the turmoil in my life, he is an escape from all of that. he is my sanctuary.


#20

[quote=kage_ar]I’d second what the young lady told Steve M above. When I mentioned no cold feet before my marriage, I was 25 years old, had lived alone for years, had traveled - was ready to move on to the next stage without what iffing. One of my sisters and some friends who married YOUNG without ever living on thier own did have those regrets…

Of course, I advise my son not to even think about marriage til he is 30 :slight_smile:
[/quote]

Married at 18, never lived alone - no regrets.:love: (It’ll be 14 years in Feb)


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