Attitude toward close family members


#1

what should one do when he doesn’t like to be in the same room with a close blood-related family member. More precisely, I avoid to talk with a close family member of my, I avoid to show her my feelings, my successes, my disappointments,… it was not always like this, most of my life I enjoyed her companion.
If you ask me about the stumbling block, it’s the ideology of this family member which I cant stand. (ideology about what is more important for me in my life and what is less important). its not about faith, we both are sincere Catholics. We had many fights in the past about this, and I decided to not to try convincing her into “my opinion” anymore, but instead I just got silent, and as a result, I don’t enjoy anymore in her company and in conversations with her. In fact I don’t like to be in the same room with her anymore.
I don’t know what to do, because this situation doesn’t seem Christian to me.
I do forgive her for having an other opinion (if I can say it so), and I can respect her ideology, but I cant stand it, I don’t feel comfortable with it.

What could I do here?
Is there a Christian way that we gain back the relationship we once had? should I even care?


#2

Hi,

Im not sure what ideology you are speaking of but I can tell you all of my in-laws(not mom and dad in law) have horrible morals and values. I dont really like my kids being around them for too long. I find myself telling my children that that comment was wrong and dont repeat that and this was not right. Its exhausting sometimes to keep up with.:frowning:

Bottom line is that they are family and I have to endure to a point. I want to teach my children how to love rather then disconnect so I ignore what they say and uphold my morals and values. That means I either keep my mouth shut or I say something if I felt led by the Spirit to do so. I pick my battles.:thumbsup:

I just show them love and pray for them.:shrug:

I hope that helps:D


#3

Loving does not mean liking.

What is a loving response to this individual? If someone (other than her) didn’t like your position on something - let’s make it a lot of somethings - how would you want them to treat you?

That is how you should treat her -“do unto others…”

You probably are not going to get her tochange her mind on whatever it is that obthers you so much; but maybe instead of telling her she’s wrong, or you are right, you might try finding out -in a sincere manner - why she feels the way she does. Maybe you might learn something, either about the subject, or about her.


#4

wish I knew the answer, headed out tomorrow for a family function, first time since DD’s wedding all on my side have been together, and I predict within 10 minutes I will recall why we get together so seldom.


#5

For me it’s my 18 year old daughter who still lives at home.

I try to avoid confrontations with her but she seeks me out. She thinks I am stupid and unable to manage unless she is there to direct my life. Grrrrrrrrrrr…

She says this is the reason she won’t leave home. If she did, my blood pressure would probably revert to normal.


#6

I have a similar situation with one of my relatives Fortunately she is in long distance. She used to call me so often and I called her too. But again and again we had to get into some kind of disagreement and several times she made me feel bad on purpose and admitted afterwards that she wanted to make me feel bad.

I talked to my pastor about this and got the advice not to call her but use email as an indirect way of communication. I pray for her, but I keep my contact with her less direct and less frequent.

For your situation, it sounds you live in the same house. That is very tough. One thing you can do is to pray for that person.


#7

She blames me for everything she sees as bad in her life, especially for ‘making’ her go to Mass every Sunday as a child.

She tells me she is depressed (it’s my fault of course) and wants anti-depressants, but rejects my answer that she cannot be truly happy when she rejects God and tries to fill the emptiness in her with other things.

This morning she went ballistic (as she often does). Her face was red with rage and her fists were clenched as she told me how much she hates me. Any conversation, except the most banal ends badly. And she condemns me for trying to avoid these situations.

When she was 15 she used to threaten to get pregnant (I was working in a Crisis Pregnancy Centre at the time), now she threatens to do drugs or steal a car etc… It’s PUSH, PUSH, PUSH all the time.


closed #8

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