I have yet another relationship concern. This time with one of my own relationships. Ok, so here is the low down. I have a very strong friendship with one of my old school friends and I am a year older than he is. We only really got close as friends at the start of last year. However, I guess, I’ve like the way our friendship has been going and I never really thought anything much more of it. Although, I did have a bit of an inkling at the end of last year, that he did like me. And I spoke to my spiritual director about him and we both agreed that he would make an ideal guy but not right now as we both are quite young (me, 21 and him, 20). So, I guess, let the friendship blossom more.
I left the situation, until Valentines day, where he pretty much proclaimed his feelings for me. I honestly, didn’t think it was going to happen this early. And I got the worst feelings ever - like the ‘what have I done?’ and guilt. I don’t know why?! So, pretty much I thanked him and just tried to avoid him for 2 wks. So i never picked up calls or texts. Until we talked about it later. I admitted that I wasn’t on the same page and I didn’t have those feelings just right as yet. Plus, Im not interested at this point as I plan on doing so much before getting committed to a relationship. I.e. My studies abroad and travel where I won’t be in the country for about 7 months of next year and complete my thesis. He understands and knows that. He said that he plans to work on himself until I go and come. So suggesting, he’ll wait for me. I told him straight out - No, not now and not to wait if he meets someone else. And I thought he would back off. But surprisingly he didn’t do what most guys would do, and leave the situation. But for about 3 months I didn’t talk to him properly and it’s been really rough because it feels like he wants more than friends. And I feel that Im not ready for more than friends with anyone (as I want to clean my self up and be in a better position in life before introducing someone else into it). However, he is such a wonderful guy in terms of all ideal qualities are marked off with him and he is the one guy who I can be completely honest and myself with. Yet he won’t judge me.
The problem is… I don’t have those really really strong feelings of attractions. I also plan to do so much before having any sort of relationship - go off to study for 7 months overseas in about 4 months, finish my thesis and I want to launch my career once I get back. And I don’t know, after last week as we hung out and were quite affectionate (for Catholic standards) if those feelings were real. I feel I don’t even understand my own feelings because there not the very strong - ‘I really REALLY like you/ nervous to see you’ kinda feelings I’ve got for other previous guys. The normal everyday ones for my friend are kinda like - when I see you, I’m happy and when you go, I miss talking to you kinda feelings. And I don’t know if this is kinda forced on or not. Or if, they started because I’ve given in and just reciprocated about a month ago. I don’t even know if I am even suppressing them because this coming week is going to be one of my most stressful weeks with all my university assignments due.
I mean, now I feel I can’t go back to ever being friends because of last week. I feel more pressure to enter this relationship - yet I don’t have the typical ’ I really REALLY like you feeling’. I’m honestly, so scared of loosing him as a friend and hurting him. I spoke to him yesterday and I told him a few things. I.e. I’m going to back off a bit because I don’t even have strong feelings and I don’t have the time to go out right now.
I guess, my question would really be. What are the, ‘your the right person’ feelings like? Am I lying to myself with these feelings? (I know relationships aren’t based solely on attraction or feeling) but what am I meant to be looking out for?
Honestly, he would be the guy, I’d want to be with one day. And, I do think about him alot especially when something happens that’s good. I like to tell him. But I don’t know if he’s for me, if these feelings aren’t strong. Nor, do I know if they are right.
hope someone could take a stab at my concern.