I’ve visited this site occasionally and found some good, thoughtful advice from members so I thought I would give it a try.
I have a situation that I am trying to sort out, and would appreciate advice from those who are married or have been in long term relationships. I have been with my boyfriend for over four years, and we plan to be married (though not yet “officially” engaged). We have not had sex and are waiting until the wedding night. This is my concern: initially, it was a challenge to be chaste, especially since I live on my own and we have had every opportunity to be otherwise. However we remained so, and now many years later it is really no longer challenging at all. The attraction I initially felt and had a hard time with is no longer a problem for me, and I’m generally not even tempted.
I am wondering if maybe because we have done well at “waiting” that this is why it’s become easier, because it’s a habit now? I hope this is the case, because my main concern is that when we are married, I still will be indifferent to sex with him! (As an aside, I was extremely attracted to an ex boyfriend, dangerously so, and almost lost my virginity to him. Thankfully I did not, but when I compare what I felt for him to now, it’s night and day and has me very concerned that I will never feel that way about my husband-to-be.)
I guess I am looking for some perspective from people who know better than I do. Will this all sort itself out, once I am married? Or is it a really big concern and should I reconsider whether this is right? I love him very much and he is an incredible guy and I will be blessed to be his wife. I’m just worried that this is an indication that there is something wrong, and wonder whether it’s truly a problem I should be concerned about or not.